Agent 54 works part-time for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) which is under the Department of Redundancy Department (DORD). This means I can write amusing conversations between anyone living or dead, real or unreal, or anything else I can think of. I certainly can come up with tons of jokes, as long as there is coffee.
Agent 54 here again. Max (Agent 86) personally assigned me to this
one. We heard an interesting phone call
and that lead us to stake out the docks and pier number 7 in particular. Here’s what we got.
John: Vicente’s Pizza, John speaking. Can I take you order.
Aquaman: Hi John.
John: Hey, A-man, how ya doin? Want the usual?
Aquaman: Not tonight John. I need 2 Aquaman Specials, extra anchovies
and 2 large pepperoni and 2 Italian meatlovers pies delivered to pier 7. You got that?
John: You want all six large pies and say 6 one
liter bottles of assorted sodas. Poker
Aquaman: Can’t fool you, John.
John: Hey, I’m happy to cater your little
affair. Let’s say about 45 minutes for
Aquaman: See ya then.
Scene: Docked at Pier 7 is a submarine that is
shaped to look something like a Blue Whale.
A submarine crew man stands by each end of the ship. The hatch is open and Aquaman waits on the
pier. About 45 minutes after the phone
call, John and his sons arrive.
Aquaman: Hey guys, take that stuff in and put it on
the counter in the galley.
and his sons come out of the sub, Aquaman hands John a $100 bill.
Aquaman: Man your boys are growing like weeds. Hey keep the change.
John: Thanks a lot and good luck in the game?
pizza is my good luck charm. Thank you.
John and his sons depart the first “guest” arrives.
Penguin: Wa, wa How are you my old friend?
Aquaman: Ship shape, how have you been?
Penguin: Busy, busy, planning and scheming, scheming
Aquaman: Well, take it easy tonight. Relax, go on board and pour yourself a drink.
Penguin: Don’t mind if I do. Don’t mind if I do my friend.
boards as another player shows up.
Flipper: Hey, Aquaman as I live and breathe, nice to
see you again my man.
Aquaman: Good to have you come aboard. Where’s your buddy, Shamu?
Flipper: He sends his apologies. He’s still got another day of shooting on
Aquaman: Yeah, how’s that going?
Flipper: I finished up today but, Shamu got a bigger
part and I’ll tell you, it’s gone to his head,,,and his gut too. Ha ha ho.
boards the submarine and shortly thereafter another player comes striding up
the dock in a beautiful black tuxedo.
Pesci: (Pesci is Italian for Fish) Hey
Aquaman, is this your submarine or are you just happy to see me?
Aquaman: C’mere and gimmie a hug ya gangster you.
The men hug
and Joe pretends to punch Aquaman in the gut.
They both laugh.
Joe: Hey who’s here?
Aquaman: The Penguin is in there waiting for you.
Joe: Oh my God, I love that guy. Oh boy, you’re in trouble tonight when me and
him get together.
Aquaman: Go onboard and get a drink.
Joe: Don’t have to ask me twice.
Joe boards. A strange fellow with a squinty eye and corn
cob pipe approaches.
Sailorman: Well blow me down, Aquaman
how is ya?
Aquaman: (as they shake hands) Fine and you’re looking fit. So, Olive Oil let you out tonight?
Popeye: (under his breath) I’m supposed to be takin a shift patrollin
the docks for the Harbor Master as far as Olive knows.
Aquaman: You better sneak on board now in that case.
Popeye: (muttering quietly) Just doin me job and,,, (louder) what’s this?
A submarinizer! I better go
aboard and have a look-see ta makes sure tings is on the up
and up and all ship
boards. Charlie Tuna
is the next guest to arrive.
Charlie: Aquaman, I heard you need someone with good
taste to class up this little affair you’re havin here tonight.
Aquaman: Thanks for coming. We have a few class acts here tonight. I’m sure it will be a lot of “tasteful” fun.
Charlie: Not too “tasteful” I hope.
chuckle as Charlie boards the submarine.
picture of seduction in a mink coat manifests itself on he pier. It’s Octopussy and she’s dressed to kill with
a beautiful, low cut blue dress under the mink.
She is sporting enough fine jewelry to make the Queen jealous. Her full and lovely brown hair accents her
piercing blue eyes. She walks in high
heels down the pier with the grace of a ballerina.
Aquaman: Madam, you are fashionably late.
Octopussy: I trust it was worth the wait for you.
Octopussy: Let’s cut the crap. How many suckerfish do we have here tonight?
Aquaman: There are six, not counting myself. Shamu couldn’t make it, he’s working.
Octopussy: Good, I always feel like we’re packed into
that submarine like sardines when he comes.
Aquaman: It’s not that bad. This is a big ship and there is plenty of
room at my underwater home, Atlantis.
Let’s get aboard. We’ll be in
international waters in about 30 minutes.
Octopussy: Let’s do this.
Aquaman: Gives the order “cast off” to the crew and boards
the ship. In a couple of minutes the
submarine slowly departs.
have any surveillance onboard the submarine.
Aquaman must have the latest electronic de-bugging and anti-spy
equipment on board. We’re working on
electronically penetrating his underwater home, Atlantis but, this is difficult
because it is so deep in the ocean.
Because the Poker game is probably played in International waters, I
don’t think an actual crime is being committed but, It sure would be
interesting to listen in on it anyway. I wish Commodore Agent 54 had been invited.
here again. Looks like the Burgundy
Campaign is cranking it up again. On the
weekend they were in Toronto, Ontario Canada for the Buffalo Bills versus the
Atlanta Falcons football game. From
there they, reluctantly, moved on to Buffalo, New York, USA.
Scene: We catch up to most of the team in the lobby
of “The Mansion on Delaware Avenue”.
It’s just after lunch and Ron, Joe B., John, Tim and Wendy are
there. They’re going over the campaign
plans for the day and talking about the past weekend.
John: Wow! I
still can’t get over that game. 34 / 31
Tim: Yeah, real exciting, except for Bills
fans. That stadium, The Rogers Centere
is incredible with the hotel built right into it.
Ron: That whole city was amazing. With the CN Tower and all. We should be campaigning there. Wendy, why aren’t we campaigning in the
beautiful city of Toronto with those beautiful, healthy looking Torontasians.
Wendy: Ron, you know it’s a different country. Those Torontonaughts can’t vote for you.
Ron: That’s nonsense! This is a free continent and the Trontosians should
be able to vote for whoever they want. When I’m President I’ll fix this deplorable
Wendy: What are you gonna do, annex the Canadian
City of Toronto? Good luck, President
Ron: This is no joke! Those Torontagans deserve an American
President and I don’t even do the polka.
Tim: (under his breath) Yeah, look how much good American Presidents
have done for Detroit.
Ron: What was that, Tim? Why don’t you save your smart-ass remarks for
your space alien buddies.
Tim: Man, take a nap on a bus and they never let
you forget it. I’m going outside.
Tim gets up
and walks out into the parking lot to smoke a small cigar.
John: You know I’m writing a snappy new song. “The Torontula Polka”.
John: I think I’ll go make sure Tim doesn’t disappear
Tim on a smoke break but, does not light up.
Wendy and Ron look at Joe B. who silently smiles.
Wendy: Alright, now when the Canadian Limo gets
Joe B.: (Interrupting) Canadian Limo? You mean we’re going by dogsled?
bullets at Joe B.
Joe B.: I better check on Tim and John.
Joe B. Joins
Tim and John in the parking lot.
Tim: (to Joe B.)
Those two Toronuttballs kick you out too?
Joe B.: Wendy said she got a Canadian Limo and,,,
John: (interrupting) What, we’re going by dogsled?
Tim: I’m having a blast on this trip. Gimme fist pump.
awkwardly fist pump each other and some of the fists sorta explode. Back inside Wendy tries again to get the
campaign back on track.
Wendy: Ron, the limo takes us to Niagara falls for
some picture taking. Right now, your
hair is a work of art. Keep it that way!
Ron: Yes Dear.
Wendy: After that, we’re going to Elmwood Village
for some Christmas shopping for the best campaign manager ever.
Ron: Absolutely, (tapping his inside pocket) and
I’ve got my prepared remarks about the Christmas Lights Controversy in my
A white van
pulls up in front of the hotel with “Canada Limousine Service” painted on
it. At the same time, campaign volunteer
Maureen shuffles into the hotel lobby.
Maureen: Good morning.
Wendy: Morning? It’s 1:10 pm princess. Let’s go.
The Canadian Limo is here and,,,
Maureen: (interrupting) Wait, we’re going by dogsled?
Looks like the campaign is off to a great re-start.
Agent 54 here again. We monitored the recording of a very
interesting interview by Blitzed Wolfer of famous big game hunter Bungalow
Bill. You may be aware that Bungalow
Bill was “persuaded” to change his ways of hunting to more “non-lethal” methods. Check this out.
Blitzed Wolfer: This is Blitzed Wolfer for CAN. Today we’re at the San Diego Zoo talking to
Big Game hunter Bungalow Bill. How are
Bill: Quite well thank you.
Blitzed: I’m not sure that everyone knows that you
have changed you ways and that you no longer shoot animals dead. Can you tell us how you hunt now?
Well I often use a tranquilizer dart gun or a camera to “shoot” my
prey. I help with the conservation
movement by “tagging” lots of animals so they can be tracked by the people
studying the migration of the different species.
Blitzed: That is a noble endeavor but, you recently
tried a different method that didn’t quite work out so well, didn’t you?
Bill: Quite right.
Well, I have read about this “Knockout game” where young hooligans roam
the streets in packs and try to pick out an unsuspecting victim, often women
and children, to punch in the face and “knockout”.
Blitzed: Yes, that is a terrible true story. The “Knockout game” is a crime that is
spreading around the United States.
Bill: Indeed, and it doesn’t seem very sporting to
me. So, I decided to try it with wild
animals. Of course, wild animals are
always on the lookout and therefore much harder to sneak up on. Also, I believe it would be much harder to
“knockout” a large animal.
Blitzed: That seems like it would be extremely
dangerous, bordering on stupid.
Bill: Absolutely! However that is what makes it
such a thrill. Of course, with my vast
experience in the wild, I wasn’t worried.
I staked out a large untamed part of the Pacific Northwest and began my
hunt. I tried stalking prey for a couple
of days but, that wasn’t working so, I climbed a tree and made a tree stand and
waited for my victim to approach.
Blitzed: That seems a bit foolish, Bill. How are you going to punch a wild animal in
the face from a tree?
Bill: I would have to rely on my cat-like agility
and the element of surprise.
Blitzed: That still seems kinda dumb.
Bill: I admit it wasn’t the smartest thing I’d ever
Blitzed: Yeah, it’s like something you’d see on the TV
Bill: Now listen here. I don’t have to take these insults. I can go home,,,
Blitzed: (interrupting) I apologize please continue with your story.
Bill: Well, there I was in the tree when a large
animal walked directly underneath me.
Blitzed: So your strategy was a success!
Bill: Uh, not quite. Attempting to swing a mighty blow from the
tree, I slipped and fell from the tree onto the huge shoulders of the animal.
Blitzed: I saw that coming a mile away.
Bill: Do you
Blitzed: I’m sorry, please continue. What happened next?
Bill: There was a couple of seconds of brilliant
white light and then I found myself in a strange room, still on the shoulders
of the huge hairy animal. There was what
appeared to be a console on one side of the room with another large hairy
animal behind it apparently working the controls.
Blitzed: Oh my, you must have been scared to death.
Then the animal behind the console spoke. “Hey Duane, who’s your friend?” he said. The animal I was on took me off and set me
down on the floor like I was a toy soldier.
He said “I don’t know but, I’d like to punt him right off this
ship.” “He must have hit my GPS by
accident and beamed us both back here”.
Blitzed: At this point you must have realized that you
were not in Kansas anymore.
Blitzed: Nevermind, please tell us more.
Bill: At this point I was beginning to think
something was drastically wrong.
Blitzed: (under his breath) Duh!
Bill: I spoke to my attempted prey. “Duane, would you be so kind as to tell me
where I am and what you are?”. Duane
said “You’re not the sharpest tack in
the box are you?” “I don’t want to tell
you too much for your own good”. “Now,
do you have a camera, phone or other communication device?” “I have to take those from you”. At this point I realized I was a captive of
Duane. Since Duane was huge, hairy and
smelly but, relatively relaxed I decided not to resist at this time.
Blitzed: Good choice.
Duane took my electronic devices and bound my hands behind me with a
plastic zip tie. I asked him where he
got the zip tie and he said “they were invented on his planet and that the only
reason earth had them is because years ago one of his people dropped one and we
Blitzed: These “animals” must be hundreds or thousands
of years ahead of us in their technology.
Bill: It would appear so. Where was I?
Oh, I know. Duane lead me to the
M.E.L. (Milky way Explorer’s League)
office where after they removed the zip tie, I was interrogated for two
hours by another large, hairy and smelly animal.
Blitzed: Did you at any point, believe you were going
to be,,,you know,,,probed.
Bill: Heaven’s no!
These people may be animals but, they’re not Barbarians. In fact half way through the interrogation I
asked for something to drink and they offered me tea. I seems the whole galaxy enjoys tea. They all know of Great Britain’s tea industry
and say that tea is England’s biggest gift to the Universe. I had a perfect cup of Earl Grey.
Blitzed: So, you were starting to feel at ease with
your captures. However, you must have
been looking for a chance to escape?
Bill: Always, however none had appeared to me at
that time. I was lead from the
interrogation room to a large, comfortable waiting room with leather recliners
and huge TV screens. My interrogator,
Bob said “The restroom is over there”.
“I’m going to put the viewer on Earth scenes and you won’t be able to
change it”. “I’ll come back when we’ve
decide what to do with you.”
Blitzed: I would have gone crazy waiting for alien
beings to decide my fate.
Bill: I checked the door a minute after Bob
left. Locked! Darn!
Then I sat in the recliner and watched the lovely scenes of waterfalls,
lakes and mountains from earth that changed every 10 seconds or so. I must have dosed off as Bob woke me with a
little shake of my shoulder. He said
“C’mon were sending you home”. “You want
to go home don’t you?”
Blitzed: Oh my God, what a relief that must have been.
Bill: Indeed, I jumped up and said “let’s go” and
with that I was lead back to the “beaming room” where Tommy the huge, hairy and
smelly console operator was still “manning” the console.
Blitzed: So, at that point you knew you were going
home. Did you try to maybe, I dunno,
take something to authenticate your story?
Bill: Of course I thought of that. Bob had some words of advice for me before
they sent me back. Bob said “Look Bill,
this “Knockout game” is dumb”. “You’re
just going to hurt yourself or someone else and there’s really no point to it
so, knock it off”. “Now we went through
your computer files and found that on Earth you are a big enough bullshitter
that nobody will believe you if you tell them what happened today”. “We at M.E.L. recommend that you don’t tell
anybody”. “If you tell them down there
they may just lock you up permanently”.
“We’re going to keep your devices”.
“One last thing, try to have a little more respect for other living
things, okay?” “Alright, goodbye”. With that they beamed me to the spot under
the tree that I had fallen from.
Blitzed: Were you hurt or marked in anyway?
Bill: Not at all.
I feel quite spry.
Blitzed: So what evidence did you bring back to prove
your story is true?
Bill: Well, first of all, my electronic devices
that Duane took are still all gone.
Blitzed: Uh, that’s not really evidence. Did you bring something back or not?
Bill: Oh, I most definitely did, and here it is.
out of his shirt pocket a used Earl Grey tea bag.
Blitzed: Uh, It’s a tea bag.
Bill: An Earl Grey tea bag from an alien space
Blitzed: Uh, it looks like a tea bag from your
apartment. How do we now it’s from a
Bill: Well, because I told you that Bob got it for
me on the ship. Now wait, you don’t
think I would make all this up and then walk around with a used tea bag to claim as evidence just for some
Blitzed: This is Blitzed Wolfer for the Cable Ass
Network with Big,,,uh,,, Big Bullshitter Bungalow Bill saying be nice to other
Bill: Hold on there! I resent that. This tea bag is real. Don’t look at me like that!
Yeah, I dunno what to make of that
interview.What do you think?
Agent 54 here again. Most days working for the Nominal Secrets
Apparatus (NSA) which is under the Department of Redundancy Department (DORD)
are routine. You listen to people
calling Radio Shack about wires, batteries and alarm clocks or pressure cookers
and stuff and then you write reports.
Sometime you get an exciting call or video but, usually not.
A lot of people work here. I have a few friends here but, I haven’t met
most of the people. I’m not the only
famous person here. I think famous
people like to work here because like me, they’re curious and amused by what
real people are talking about. Some blew
their fortunes and are here for the money while others couldn’t find anything
else. I guess it’s like anywhere else.
My cubicle is near the hallway to the
bathrooms and the cafeteria. People pass
by all the time and I try to ignore them.
Last week, late in the day, Inspector Gadget stopped bye.
Gadget: Say Agent 54, did you happen to
notice anything new and unusual in the Men’s room.
(weirded out) Uh, no. Was I supposed to?
Gadget: Of course. As an NSA Agent we must be alert and
vigilante at all times. So, you didn’t
see the very Un-American Graffiti in stall number 2?
54: Oh yeah, it said “Flush twice, it’s
a long way to Washington D.C. 20500.”
Gadget: Ah ha! And exactly what did you think about that?
(still weirded out) Uh, I thought it was
strange to include the zip code.
Gadget: Did you think about who might
have done this?
(still weirded out) Not at all.
Gadget: Nevermind. I’ll find the culprit. Meanwhile, get a small bucket, some pine oil
and a sponge and get rid of the offensive remark.
(still weirded out) Uh, okay.
I don’t know why I take orders from
Gadget. He’s an Agent the same as
me. I also don’t know why he took
offense to the graffiti. I thought it
was funny, well, mildly amusing anyway.
In the Men’s room I’m about to enter stall
number 2 when my friend, Billy Idol burst in with a bucket, pine oil and no
54: Hey Billy. Gadget come to see you too?
Billy: I don’t know why I take orders from that
Rambo comes in with a bucket, pine oil and a sponge.
Rambo: Hey guys, what’s going on.
54: Rambo, you here to clean the
Rambo: Yeah, Gadget sent me.
54: Okay guys, just let me get it and
I’ll see you at my cubicle. I think we
have to find out what is really up with Gadget.
After I got rid of the “offensive remark” and
put the cleaning stuff away I plop in my chair.
Rambo and Billy are waiting for me.
54: Before we talk about Gadget, Rambo,
how do you get away with not
wearing a shirt in here?
Rambo: I got a waiver. Col Trautman has friends in high places. They said as long as nobody complains,,,
Billy: The way I seen the chickies checkin you out,
they ain’t gonna complain. Some of the
chuckle at that.
Inspector Gadget appears at the front of the
large office space that has mine and about 100 other cubicles in it. He addresses the room.
Inspector Gadget: Attention everyone, attention. I have an important matter to discuss.
About 97 heads pop up from the cubicles,
including my Supervisor, Max (Agent 86).
discovered a disturbing case of vandalism here in our building. In the Men’s room in stall number 2, someone
placed a very Un-American bit of graffiti on the wall. (pointing at me and the boys) Boys, tell everyone what it said.
and I look at each other for a few seconds before I feel compelled to speak.
54: Uh, it said “Flush twice it’s a long
way to Washington 20500.”
room chuckles while the other half is really weirded out.
Gadget: That’s right! Now using the investigative skills I learned
extensive years of service with the CIA, CSI, TSA, FBI, NSA and the DORD,
I have discovered exactly who the perpetrator of this offense is,,, haven’t I
head pops up from a cubicle in the back of the room.
Joker: Hee, hee, haa, haa, hoo, (psychotic evil
laughter) That’s right copper and you’ll
never take me alive!
With that he
leaps to the nearest window, turns the latch, opens it outward and jumps out.
second of stunned silence.
54: Nice move. That guy is like a Gazelle.
Billy: Yeah, I didn’t know he worked here. I thought he was locked up. Didn’t he get 3 to 5?
Rambo: He did.
You know that move would have taken courage if this wasn’t a 1 floor
clearly see the Joker running across the 200 yards of grass between our
building and the parking lot where the purple and green Joker mobile is parked. Bob, the Joker’s top henchman waits outside
the car. Max (Agent 86) goes to the
window and calls out to the Joker.
Max: So Joker, it’s 4:51 right now. I’ll clock you out at 4:45 and you can make
up the 15 minutes tomorrow if you want.
Max (Agent 86)
stops in his tracks, turns toward us and gives us another burst of psychotic
evil laughter. Then he turns and bolts
for the getaway car.
the window and turns to us.
Max: Okay everybody back to work.
54: (to Billy and Rambo) Max handled that beautifully.
Rambo: Oh, Max is the best.
Billy: Coolest bloke I ever had for a boss.
54: So, how’s the joker working here if
he got 3to 5?
Rambo: I dunno.
Maybe he got time off for hilarious behavior.
Billy: I don’t see Gadget. Maybe he’s in the Ladie’s loo making sure
everyone flushed and flushed only once.
Rambo: Gadget, I hate small time cops who think
they’re Dick Tracey.
Billy: Take it easy Rambo. Gadget is harmless.
Rambo: Oh, I wouldn’t do anything unless he drew
54: First Blood! He can barely draw a paycheck.
Many thanks to Superman, Buzz Lightyear,
Megamind and all the other characters that I have reported on or will report on
and Thank you to all sandwich makers everywhere and Thank you to my Google +
Agent 54 here again. The anticipation has been building all
week. I knew this phone call was going
to be epic. Finally, it came and it was
so worth the wait. Here’s my report on
the call from Superman to Megamind.
Scene: Inside Megamind’s Mega-secret, impenetrable
lair we see Megamind’s sidekick, Minion doing some light house cleaning. The phone rings.
Minion: Hello, Megamind’s Mega-secret, impenetrable
lair, tell us who you are and we’ll decide if we care.
Superman: This is Superman calling for Megamind. What was your name, Munchkin?
Minion: Superman! Uh, Minion, my name is Minion and I’ll go
get my boss right away.
enters the room.
Megamind: Minion, I’m getting hungry. Who are you talking to?
Minion: It’s Superman for you, Sir.
What could he want? Do you think he knows where the Mega-secret, impenetrable lair is? You better get out of here so I can
concentrate on his call.
Minion: Right, Sir,,, to the kitchen to make
Megamind: Minion, please stop imitating Buzz
Lightyear. That’s so annoying.
Minion: Sorry, Sir.
(on the phone) Heeello, ha ha ha (evil
laughter) this is Megamind, how can I help you?
Superman: Yeah, Megamind, who was that other guy,
Onion? Nevermind, I wanted to discuss
something with you.
Megamind: Superman! How did you find out where myMega-secret, impenetrable lair
is? Who ratted me out? What are your intentions?
Superman: Hey, take it easy. I don’t know where your,, your, I don’t know
where you are and I don’t really care. I
got your number from Buzz Lightyear although 555-v-i-l-l-i-a-n is pretty obvious, I mean I probably could
have figured that one out by myself.
Megamind: Is this a trick? Are you coming to try to penetrate my Mega-secret,
Superman: No, now c’mon. You know that being a “Good Guy”, if you ask
me if it is a trick and it is, I have to tell you. So there now.
Can we talk?
Megamind: Yes, I am aware of the “Good Guy” code. Okay, so Superman, what’s on your mind?
Superman: Well, I was talking to Buzz Lightyear about
my little problem,,,
(interrupting) Buzz does like to talk,
doesn’t he. He’s alright, a bit of a
Goody Two Shoes do-gooder but, he’s okay.
Superman: None taken.
So let’s get down to it. I have a
problem with Kryptonite. I can use lead
to shield myself from it but, did you ever try to make a costume out of lead? I mean talk about clunky.
Megamind: Yes, I can imagine that. Definitely NOT Superhero like.
Superman: Yeah, well, Buzz told me you use carbon
nanotube fibers for your costumes so I put 2 and 2 together and thought that
with your great mind you could find a way to blend lead with the carbon
nanotube fibers and come up with a Super- Mega material for my new costume that
would protect me from Kryptonite.
Megamind: A lead-carbon nanotube fiber Super-Mega, no,
no, a Mega-Super material. That’s brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that? Yes, yes I could definitely do that. I think I could do that. If anyone could do that it would be me. Okay Superman, If I decide to do this, what’s
in it for me?
Superman: Well, for starters you would get one third
the credit for inventing the stuff and half the merchandising rights
No good. I want all the credit
for inventing the stuff and 75% of the merchandising rights or you’re on your
Superman: All the credit! Are you nuts?
What’ll I tell Buzz?
Megamind: schrrrrrbizzz Whoa Superman, looks like our connection is
breaking up schdddddbllzzzz,,,
Superman: Okay, okay,
I’ll just have to make Buzz say yes somehow. Okay you get it all. Besides I do too much merchandising already.
Megamind: I knew you’d see it my way, he he he (evil
laughter). Now, one more thing. Suppose I make this suit for you and it
works. You’ll be virtually invulnerable and undefeatable. How do I know you won’t use your new invincibility
against my evilness.
Superman: Well, I’ll just have to promise to look the
other way when you do your evil thing, as long as you confine yourself to doing
it in Metro City.
Megamind: It’s Metrocity. We call it Metrocity.
Superman: Yeah, Okay, Whatever, do we have a deal?
Megamind: We have a Mega-Deal!
I can’t wait to get started. (calling to the kitchen) Minion, get in here and bring a note pad,
we’re going shopping. (to Superman) So,
give me your number so I can call you when I get a proto-type ready.
Superman: Right, it’s 555-S-u-p-e-r-m-a.
Really? That’s like a number some
mommy blogger would have. Not too well
thought out there Superma.
I was in a hurry. You know. There’s 8 letters in Superman and only 7 in a
phone number. What was I to do?
Megamind: I would have thought of something. Nevermind, I’ll call you Superma. Click
hangs up as Minion enters the room with a note pad.
Megamind: Ah, good Minion, I’m going to need a half ton
of lead and half ton of Kryptonite from the Villianworld super supply store and
then we need to go to Sears to check out the latest high-tech sowing machines.
Minion: May I ask you sir, what this is all for?
Megamind: I’m working on a secret Mega-Super Project
with Superman himself.
Minion: Congratulations Sir! Bye the way, our sandwiches are ready.
You know they say never go shopping on an empty stomach. Thank you Minion.
Minion: My evil pleasure, Sir.
Superman: (to Timothy)
Pad? Really? Did you really call
it a pad? Austin Powers crashes at a
“Pad”. This is my Crystal Fortress. You want to get it together now?
Timothy: Sorry Superman. It’s just that, I’m a little tired.
Superman: Okay, we’ll take 10 and you can get another
cup of coffee and come back to fix it.
Timothy: Yeah, thanks, I’m on it.
Superman’s magnificent, secret, Crystal Fortress, Lois Lane walks into the
living area where Superman is seated on a beautiful couch and watching his big
screen giant holographic T.V. She
sits and snuggles next to him.
Lois: Hey Hun, who was that on the phone?
Superman: Hey Sweetie, it was Megamind. I talked him into making me a new costume
that will protect me from Kryptonite.
Lois: Cool, you always wanted one of those. Hey, weren’t you going to call Buzz Lightyear
about that. Why is Megamind helping you?
Isn’t he evil?
Superman: Nah, not really. He’s just a bit of a control freak. In the negotiations I had to fake like I
cared if he got the credit for inventing the new material he’s making. Like I need the credit.
Lois: That’s funny.
He sounds like a nuttball.
Superman: Yeah, a super-genius nuttball. Hey Honey, all that negotiating has made me
Lois: I got it,,to the kitchen to make a