Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Luggage Destroyer Position


  Agent 54 here again.  I was getting a little OT and hoping to score some brownie points by listening to communications picked up by the Obama NSA spy satellites. We recorded this from an office in the basement of the Reno International Airport:

Manager: Next!

Applicant: Hello, I’m Lekisha and I’m here for the “Luggage Destroyer” position.

Manager: Great, I’m Bob, please sit down.  I've reviewed your resume and I have some questions.

Applicant: Fire away.

Manager:  Very good.  So, how many eyes do you have?

Applicant: Uh,,,I have 2 eyes, uh,,,20/20.

Manager: (a little disappointed) Two eh, well, we were kinda looking for one.  Have you ever worn an eye patch?

Applicant: Well, when my trailer burned down my right eye was irritated from all the smoke and the doctor had me wear an eye patch for a week.

Manager: Splendid! You know so few people have the right experience.

Applicant: Uh,,,Thanks,,,I guess.

Manager:  So,,, humps!  How many do you have and where are they?

Applicant: Humps?  Well, I didn't have any when I came in.

Manager: (a little disappointed) No humps eh?  So, have your ever broken anything?

Applicant: well,,, Do vows count, because once I married this knucklehead who quit his job to go on our honeymoon and he never told me and so when we got back from Slydell Mississippi and I found out that he had no job, I dumped his ass and then at the Do Drop Inn I bumped into my ex-boy, Bubba who had made parole the day before and we got to drinkin and yappin and the next thing you know we were breaking vows, commandments and some of that cheap furniture in the Motel Six on route 40.

Manager:  Sooo, that’s a yes.

Applicant: Is this going to take much longer cuz I’m getting hungry?

Manager: Yes it is.  So, do you have any Customer Service experience?

Applicant: No, none at all.

Manager: Good! Those rotten SOBs, always complaining.  (mockingly) “Oh, you made me miss my plane”  “Oh, you stole my bags” “Oh you killed my grandma” wait,,,uh that was my in-laws, not, not, not customers.

Applicant: You know I had a grandma once…

Manager: (cutting her off) I’m sure you did.  So, say you accidentally confiscated and destroyed a  bag that you weren't supposed to, do you have any experience with Duct Tape?

Applicant: Well, after that incident with my grandma, I swore I’d never touch that stuff again however, I can do amazing things with a little Superglue and some paperclips.

Manager: Splendid!  So, what kind of a salary to you need?

Applicant: A big one.  I gotta buy a new trailer and I still got that furniture bill from Motel Six to pay and Grandma needs plastic surgery and…..

Manager: (cutting her off) Great!  You’re hired!  I’ll get you a parking space.

Applicant: and I gotta buy a car to park in my new parking space.

Manager: Time for you to go to lunch now.

Applicant: and I gotta buy lunch and get a weave or maybe some extensions…..





20 comments:

  1. I always suspected airports had people like this on the payroll.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can think of worse jobs. Hey! You gotta see my report on our visit to Fenway Park. I think you will like that one.

      Delete
    2. Lol. So THATS the hiring process for those positions. I wonder where they list the open jobs; I need a new trailer too!

      Delete
    3. I think you have to know somebody in the destruction industry.

      Thanks for playing. Please come back early and often.

      Delete
  2. Bwahahahahahahahaha. I know this gal. I really do. Good one.

    Have a fabulous Silly Sunday. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you hire her too?

      Thanks for playing and have a great week.

      Delete
  3. I'm Katie Visiting from Wonderful Wednesday Blog Hop!
    Also, your newest follower :)

    Would love it if you would stop by

    Simply Mama of 2!

    http://simplymamaof2.blogspot.co

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the invitation. I live to make people laugh.

      Delete
  4. I am still laughing! TY! #FridayFrivolity :) xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you and be careful, don't hurt yourself.

      Delete
  5. I think the post office may use the same hiring techniques for package processing.

    Thanks for sharing on #FridayFrivolity

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I worked for the Post Office many years ago but, have been sworn to secrecy,,,sorta.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed it.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  7. Oh wow, you've been blogging a long time! Thanks for linking up again to #TriumphantTales!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks for linking #TriumphantTales

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed it.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  9. I'm not sure who is more weird - the Applicant, or the Manager or the writer? Joke! :) Thanks for joining #FabFridayPost

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed the interview.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete