Monday, July 15, 2013

Dumbest Question Ever Asked

  Agent 54 here again.  I was on Jeopardy yesterday.  I was!  This shit I’m makin up is true. (Okay, I stole that line from a great African American comedian named George WallaceI did! This name I’m makin up is real). 

Alex Trebek:   And the answer is Who wants to be a Millionaire?

Like a flash of lightning I hit my button with all the confidence of Superman.

Alex Trebek:  Agent 54

Agent 54:  What is the dumbest question ever asked?  I replied fully expecting to have earned $400.00 in the category Dumb T.V. shows.  (not really, it’s just that all the shows in the questions were dumb shows)

Alex Trebek:  Sorry, No, (to another competitor) Prince, uh I mean the artist formerly known as Prince.

 
Alex Trebek
At that moment all time stood still.  Absolutely still.  I mean stopped dead.  I could only think “huh”, “what the” “no?” No No No that was the right answer, uh I mean question to the answer.  Oh don’t confuse me any more damn it! I had the correct response!

  Then it occurred to me that there could be a being that didn’t think that “Who wants to be a Millionaire? is the dumbest question ever.  This is a concept that still troubles me all those years hours later.  The debate in my head started.

  C’mon , even the lowliest Occupy whatever, moron protestor, if offered $1,000,000.00 in cash with no strings attached would take the money and run.  Right?  I mean I want to be a Millionaire just so I can always wear a brand new pair of underwear.  If I were a rich man I would have 300 pair of new underwear (Fruit of the Loom briefs, colors only, no whites) in stock at all times.  Take a shower-new pair.  Take a dump-new pair.  Sit in computer chair for hours writing dumbass comedy bits-new pair.  Surely there are more reasons to want to be a Millionaire than there are dollars in a Million dollars.

  Could there be a reason for NOT wanting to be a Millionaire? I asked myself. The answer came back HELL NO!!! 

  That raised a new question.  Did that Canadian Bacon shit Alex Trebek rip me off?  No, no that could not be.  Alex Trebek is one of the nicest people from one of the nicest countries in all the Universe.  He’s doubly nice and I should and I do repent for typing the word shit next to his revered name.

  Still, how the hell did I get that question answer question wrong?  It came to me in a flash.  I remembered when I got hit right between the eyes with a baseball at practice.  The first moron to look at my broken proboscis and two black eyes  asked me “Are you okay?”.  That’s it!

  So it is not that “Who wants to be a Millionaire? Isn’t a very, very, very dumb question.  It’s that there is an ever dumber question that is universally asked far more often in every type of calamity and at exactly the worst time to ask it.

  Are you okay? Is the dumbest question ever asked. For how many of us, excluding Alex Trebek, can say that we are truly okay in every sense of the word.  Ten, Fifteen of us, maybe.  That could be a stretch.


  Having solved the most troubling riddle of my life-time, I resumed my game of Jeopardy where I proceeded to lose $728,000.00 to Alex Trebek.  Care?  I do not.  Like I said, Alex is a nice guy and he’s letting me make payments.

12 comments:

  1. Losing $728K is harsh. You have been cheated by the best psuedo-intellect of all times. Alex has all the answers on his cue cards. I think you might be right about the dumbest question ever is "Are you OK?" Unless they are actually talking to the state of Oklahoma. Even then..it probably isn't.

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  2. No, say it isn't so. Not Alex, he's so nice.

    RUOK? Usually I'm bleeding or chocking or something when people ask me that question.

    I spent a night in Oklahoma. It was Okay, maybe a little better. I won $75.00 at the casino there.

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  3. Yes...people always ask you when you're choking, making it worse when you try to answer.
    I like Alex, but he comes off as a know it all sometimes (we have that in common)especially when an answer has anything to do with Canada/Canadians. I still watch Jeopardy every day.

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  4. Alex was great to me in person and I only have 1455 payments left to pay off the $728,000.00 I lost.

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  5. Three hundred pair of underwear? Bwahahahahahahaha.

    I'm glad Alex is letting you make payments.

    Have a fabulous day.

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    Replies
    1. I just love the feel of a new pair. If I had the means, I would indulge myself.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  6. Fun read! Thanks for sharing on FTAF

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    Replies
    1. Did you really like it? Was that a dumb question?

      Thank you for allowing me to share.

      Delete
  7. I agree with you, Agent 54. You can be rolling on the ground, doubled over in pain, & as sure as the sun will shine, someone will ask if you are ok. No, I enjoy looking like I am having a seizure. Nothing wrong here! Funny bit!

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    Replies
    1. Happy to make you laugh again.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  8. Thanks for sharing with us at Together on Tuesdays.

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