Sunday, August 11, 2013

Baldness Rules!

It’s a solar panel for a sex machine!

 
Agent 54
  I saw a T.V. commercial for a hair growing product that said “nobody wants to be Bald”.  What the hell!  I was extremely offended.  I have officially been Bald since age 27 or roughly half my life.  Actually if you count my being born Bald its even longer.  I like being Bald.  It forces you to have a sense of humor.

  America loves Baldness.  You know what kind of  Eagle is the symbol of this nation?  Yeah baby,  a beautiful Bald Eagle.

  You know that many of America’s most admired people were or are Bald.  Sure, Dwight D. Eisenhower,  Tele Savalas, Mr. Clean, Patrick Stewart, Batman, Charles Barkley, Yosemite Sam, Michael Jordan, Popeye, Tom Colicchio, Elmer Fudd, Dr. Phil, Homer Simpson, Hulk Hogan, and James Carville to name a few.

  Lots of people want to be Bald.  Many movie stars like Bruce Willis, Demi Moore, Samuel L. Jackson, Gene Hackman and Harrison Ford have shaved their heads Bald for roles.  Not me!  My Baldness is all natural baby.

  I don’t remember ever being worried about going Bald.  My dad was always Bald as were all the men on his side of the family.  He always had that silly comb over hair style.  Who did he think he was fooling?  Was he trying to look younger than me with my Bald head?

  They say the “Bald gene” comes from the mother’s side.  Well, all the men on my mom’s side were Bald too.  I was guaranteed to go Bald.  Cool!

Homer Simpson
  I do own about 100 hats.  I’m not trying to hide anything but, I live in Arizona.  Did you ever get sunburn on the top of your head?  It hurts!  If I don’t wear a hat I have to use SPF 728,000 Sun Block and that makes my head feel like a greased watermelon.

   I don’t have anything against Hairy Heads.  In fact I’m a big fan of hair,,,on women.  I had a friend I called Brinker the Thinker who had beautiful long black curly hair like a rock star.  I once told him “real men don’t need hair but, it is kinda nice to have some”.  He just shook his head of great hair.
Patrick Stewart


  I’m feeling inspired now by those awful commercials for growing hair or wigs or whatever.  I’m going to start a Bald Pride March across this country to demonstrate America’s love of Baldness.  I just hope we have enough SPF 728,000 and we get some cloud cover for it.

26 comments:

  1. Bwahahahahahahahaha. I like bald heads too. I laughed out loud with your SPF 728,000. You also made me think of all those bad combovers. Not to mention the hair pieces that don't match their own hair.

    Have a terrific Silly Sunday and welcome. :)

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    1. Thank you. I wrote this just for the Silly Sunday thingy. You inspired me. I was hoping you would like it.

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    2. whodda thunk Bald would be the new sexy! Congrats on your solar powered brain, too. (I'm finally proud that my hair is thinning)

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    3. You will always be very beautiful. Thanks for participating.

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  2. Hmmm . . . . . Makes me wonder what their flag would look like ;o)

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    1. Well, we would have to have the Bald Eagle on it. I leave the rest up to you if you want to design something. Thanks for playing.

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  3. Wear your baldness proudly. Works for Patrick Stewart. My mother thought he was the hottest thing ever.

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    1. Thank you. My wife always admired Mr. Clean.

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  4. Ha! I have written a few blog posts on this subject. I see so many guys wearing bad wigs on their heads here in the city, along with countless bad combovers. Do they really think they look good?

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    1. So funny when they jump into a swimming pool

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    2. I loved my dad but I have pictures memories of that bad combover.

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  5. My man shaves his head, and I LOVE it! We would definitely join your bald pride march.

    P.S. I think fully bald looks better on some men. Especially ones who do that comb-over thing - yuck! :)

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    1. Visa versa I like nice hair on women. Thanks for playing.

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  6. A mans gotta be what a man is eh. Talking about Baldness, I get almost a 100 spam mails from these baldness treating clinics and funny part is, I am not even bald.

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    1. I yam what I yam. Popeye. Thanks for visiting

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  7. Let me know when and where the Bald Pride Parade will take place. I'm sure my 36 year old son would want to join in on the fun. Yes, he blames me for his baldness even though I have thick waist length hair and his dad is bald. I suggest you submit this genetic folklore to Myth Busters.

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    1. That's interesting. Just how would the Myth Busters test these theories?

      Have fun playing in the rain.

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  8. I think bald is sexy, and understand you you were offended with the ad. You wrote a great piece which is a delight to read and is one that guys should ponder when thinking of going bald, or being teased for baldness. Michelle

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    1. Thank you. I've been bald a long time now and I think I'm getting good at it.

      Thanks again for visiting.

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  9. Hahaha!!! This is so great! I make fun of my dad, because he's got like two hairs on the top of his head that are probably 4 feet long and he just swirls them around up there before laying down the hairspray. I say, if you're going bald, embrace it! Very funny post, Timothy, and I chose it for my feature this week! #FridayFrivolity

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    1. Thank you for helping to make it cool to be bald.

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  10. Patrick Stewart is perfect bald. I have seen him with a piece and it's ridiculous. He looks like Jonathan Harris from Lost in Space. You are also good bald as well. Don't go changin'!

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    1. Oh, you're too kind. I have to wear hats outside here in Arizona.

      Thank for your comments.

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  11. There's a chance you are eligible for a new solar energy program.
    Find out if you qualify now!

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    1. My head is a solar panel for a sex machine.

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