Confession

  Agent 54 here again.  I have to confess.  I am a liar, thief and a cheat.  Stop!  Stop checking your wallets, purses and murses.  I am a liar, thief and a cheat of comedy!  You could say I lie because I make stuff up and I steal from other comedians so I’m a thief and I cheat by using characters and material that somebody else previously created. 

  Look at my posting Houston, We Have a Problem.  This one is taken from an old Steve Martin skit that he did on Saturday Night Live many years ago.  I put my own spin on it but, basically it is his idea and words.  I felt a little guilty about that one so I “tweeted” Steve to apologize.  I wrote to Steve:  I borrowed this routine from you.  I only steal from the best and the others.  He didn’t get back to me yet.

  In Dumbest Question Ever Asked I lied to you there.  I’ve never been on Jeopardy.  I didn’t lose $728,000.00 to Alex Trebek.  I did give comedian George Wallace credit for his joke that I used but, I kinda used that credit to spin and expand on the joke.  Why did I do this?  I thought it was funny.

In Voices I stole this joke from Dave Attel: At least it’s not the voice that stutters.  That one is so annoying.  It’s like Ti,,Ti,,,Ti,,,     Hey! Write down already!

  Okay, be totally honest here.  Raise your hand if you have repeated a joke you heard somebody else tell.  Yeah, just as I thought, everybody.

W.C. Fields

 The truth is that it is very hard to come up with something totally original because comedy is very, very, very old.  Ever since the first coconut fell from the first palm tree and hit the first caveman on the head, causing his buddies to roll in the sand laughing so hard their ribs hurt, comedy has been getting old.

  Truth is that even professional comedians steal, or borrow if you prefer, from each other.  If imitation is the highest form of flattery, then my victims ought to be proud that I would choose their material to swipe.

  So, I say go ahead and lie, steal and cheat!  It’s all in fun.  In fact I say if you are going to be a liar, thief and a cheat of comedy, go all out and try to be the best liar, thief and a cheat of comedy in the world.  Go big or go home.

Mr Bean

  Therefore I give you full warning that I look forward to lying to you, stealing from or for you and cheating great comedians for you in the hopes of giving you side-splitting fits of laughter.  I hope that is okay with you.