Conversations from Punnsylvania

  Agent 54 here again.  So, my wife said “honey I’m a little dizzy” and I said “I know but, I married you anyway”.  I was trying to imagine a funny conversation that Agent 54 could listen in on when it hit me that many of my real conversations, however brief are very funny. I know from funny and I'm funny.

  My wife was torturing me on Labor Day with another Romantic Comedy (chick flick) starring The beautiful and talented Sandra Bullock and dumbass Englishman Hugh Grant.  After a few minutes of casual observance, I stated that “this flick would be better with the sound off”.   I said “So, she works for him, what’s her job, keep him from being an asshole?  “She’s a lawyer” Carol responded.  I said “I think it’s going to take more than a Lawyer.  I think he needs a doctor, lawyer , an Indian Chief and a Rabbi”.  “Shut up and eat your bagels” Carol barked.  “Yes Dear”  Nothing wrong with this movie that a few car chases, some explosions, a pole dance or two, a Lunar landing and some gun shots wouldn’t fix, I thought quietly to myself.

  I saw something about a book titled 50 Shades of Grey .   My wife called it “mommy porn”.   The main character is Christian Grey.  I guess if I was the main character in a book, because I have IBS it might be titled 50 Shits a Day.  My wife musically said “Dump to da dump, to da dump to da dump, dump, dump”.  Was that funny?  I usually know from funny.  I think she may have made a funny.

Nuttball with Football

  My wife likes sports and I drive her nutz with my wisecracks when we watch games.  I see a player named Shaw and I’ll say “there’s Ric Shaw, he’s in the travel business in the off season. 

  Watching NASCAR I asked her “don’t you think Jimmy John’s sandwich co. should sponsor NASCAR Champion Jimmie Johnson?  “Shut up and finish your sandwich” said Carol.

When we watch football it’s like Punnsylvania in my living room.

   University of Pittsburgh Quarterback is named Savage.  Just before halftime they had a chance to score.  I told my wife “ the coach has to turn Savage loose”.

  I saw some NFL news and I said “the Jets just signed QB Brady Quinn because they think he can win and they threw QB Graham Harrell into the trash barrel.

 Watching Purdue vs. Notre Dame football game.  I told Carol that Purdue missed the field goal.   She said “the chickens missed it”.  I said “yeah, they clucked it up”.

  One Purdue player is named Bob King.  He has  a cousin who is a good golfer named Par King.  His other cousin is a Norseman named Vi King.  He has a skinny cousin who is wicked smart named Thin king.  They say his sister is a drunk and a real dog named Bar King. His other sister is a terrible dancer named Twer King.  His Pirate cousin is the lookout on the crows mast.  Name is Sea King. 

  I saw a player named Herring.  Something fishy about him.  A. Hunter plays for Purdue.  His first name is Antelope.  His brother B. Hunter is on the team.  Yes he is Bear Hunter.  Their cousin is T. Hunter.  That’s right, Treasure Hunter.

  Did I tell you about the cajun family that goes by the name Ting?  The twin brothers were One Ting and Same Ting.  We had a party but, we didn't invite them.  We had no Ting. 

I apologize. 

Thoughtless

Old Marine Corps Joke

Ron Burgundy in St. Louis