The One That Got Away

  Don’t call me Ishmael.  I will not respond for my name is Commodore Agent 54 and I have a fish tale to tell.  I’m actually not a sea-fairing man despite serving in the United States Marine Corps.  I spent 4 years on Marine Air bases.  The first time I actually went aboard ship was as a civilian for my Honeymoon cruise. I  boarded the Nordic Empress, with my current wife Carol.  It is Carol who plays a pivotal role in this story.

  I don’t know how I acquired my love of salmon.  Is it in my heritage or something I picked up in the Marine Corps, I cannot tell you.   All I really know is that any way it is prepared, I always enjoy salmon.  Carol is keenly aware of this fact.

  Carol is very proficient in the galley.  She takes pride in creating complete meals that please her spouse.  Carol will at times, take risks and try new things that usually turn out well.  So, on a Monday Carol bought a $9.00 piece of salmon with the idea of saving it in the freezer for a Friday feast.  Anxious to try a new recipe, she awaited the end of the week. 

I do not go into my own freezer.  I have learned.  I will forego the ice cream sandwich to preserve my well-being.  In the past when I was young and dumb, I would open the freezer door only to have something frozen solid spring out at me like a coiled Cobra and then tumble toward my naked feet in an effort to break one of my toes.  No, I do not go into my own freezer.  I have learned.

  Friday came and I occupied my living room TV chair in anticipation of the creation of a meal fit for a Commodore.   Carol asked me “honey have you seen the fish?”  Like a true smart ass I replied “No, nothing has swum by in a while now.”  Carol said “I can’t find it.” “Would you take a look?”  I hesitated at the thought of taking on the dreaded freezer.   After a moment, I realized that I still had my titanium toed work boots on.  I could check the freezer in relative safety.

  Before I got near the dreaded freezer, I spotted something fishy atop the refrigerator.  “What’s that?”  I said hoping that I was wrong about what I thought it was.  Carol reached for it, grabbed it and on the way down it dripped on her.  “Ewwww” she cried as she dropped it on the counter.  There it was.  The $9.00 piece of salmon that I had anticipated eating had been sitting on top of the freezer since Monday.

  Carol was crushed.  She had tried to rearrange and repack the evil freezer to make enough room for the fish and then she forgot to actually put it inside.  Her plans dashed by an act of her own stupidity, she began to sob.  As Commodore, I had to console her.  “It’s okay dear, Taco Bell is open” I said.  Carol sobbed and said “I wasted a nice $9.00 piece of salmon.  I was going to,,,” I cut her off.  “Let it go dear and so it won’t be a total waste, this fish shall now and forever be known as The One That Got Away”    We will tell this story to our children and our children’s children and it will become an everlasting source of levity for future generations enduring on into infinity.

  That is my tale true as can be, of The One That Got Away from the deep blue sea.

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