Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Working for a Living

  Did I ever tell you about the great job I had at with a defense contractor?  Oh, it was cool.  I was a Production Expeditor which means I was one of the X-Men.  It was great, I had a uniform with a  mask and my cape looked a lot like my blue Hawaiian shirt.  I had to dry clean it twice a month but, I really looked sharp.  I got “downsized” from that job and since then I’ve been “nervous eating” and I’ve gained some weight.  Now, I’m a Double X man as in XXL.

  Raise your hand if have had a rotten boss.   Sure, almost everyone has had at least one if you have been working for more than 2 weeks.  Currently my boss is great.  He’s very relaxed, has a sense of humor and he treats me with respect even though he is much younger than I am.  My boss is easy to work for and I’m not just kissing his butt because he might accidently read this. 

  I don’t want to go into details about some of my rotten former bosses.  I’m sure they are generally the same as everyone else’s rotten bosses.  Basically they humiliate you, make you feel worthless, tell other people you suck, accuse you, cheat you and take the credit for the good things you do.  Did I forget anything?  It always amazed me that a boss that treated me all of those ways would somehow expect me to give a shit and perform well at the job.  It just don’t happen.

I just want to know how many of you have had the exact same fantasy that I have had about getting even with a rotten boss.   It starts when you are working early or late or a Saturday and nobody else is around.  Maybe the boss is on vacation or a business trip but the coast is clear and the devil on your left shoulder has got your ear while the angel on the right is too tired to care.  You spot your opening.  His/her center drawer in his/her desk is open.  You carefully slide the center drawer all the way open and take the little keys from the pencil tray.  Next you climb up on top of the desk, drop your draws, squat and let loose the poop of the year right in the middle of that center drawer right on top of whatever was there.  After fully evacuating your bowels, you dress and then very carefully close the drawer and lock it.  The most important thing here is the message you are trying to send.  Leaving the desk drawer slightly open or unlocked could leave some of the dumber bosses to think, upon discovering the dirty deed that “maybe this was an accident”.  “Maybe somebody’s IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) kicked in just as they were passing by my desk and the drawer was they’re only option”.   Locking the drawer and hanging the keys carefully on the boss’s name plate on top of the desk will leave no doubt that this was NOT an accident. 

   I have fantasized about the confused look on the boss’s face when they find the drawer locked and then see the keys hanging from the name plate.  I have imagined watching from the corner of my eye as Mr./Ms. Knucklehead opens the drawer and discovers his/her karma in all its stinky glory, waiting there for them.  Ah, it would almost be worth it to get fired for that.

  Of course I’ve never actually done that to the 6 or 7 bosses that I’ve had that really deserved it but, oh, I’ve thought of it a thousand times.  I guess that fantasy helped get me through work those days when the boss thought it was his/her job to be SuperJerk!  I theorize that most of us working dogs have had this or a similar fantasy to help us cope with our days and keep on keepin on because that’s what a working man or woman does.  We keep on keepin on.


“They call me the working man, I guess that’s what I am.”  Rush

26 comments:

  1. Sometimes those rotten bosses have video in their offices so they can see who's doing what and when. That would be my luck.

    Have a terrific day. :)

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    1. Then we could be on YouTube. Thanks.

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    2. Put a memo out and several months when I refer to that memo. .boss gives that look....claim no memory of it.. also tell you the reason why staff don't get paid for 1/2 hour is.."if you were at home you would up up anyway" I was dumbfounded....at home I don't have to get two residents up, administer medication and assist them ! But because its a night shift we get paid per hour from 5-11pm & 7-9am..11pm-7am we get paid a stipend...so we have to be on duty (only staff on) at 630am..

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    3. Sounds like a rough job. Thank you.

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  2. I worked for a place 8 years, I loved my boss until she was...uh hmm...replaced in the last year I was there by of all people, the HR secretary!
    I trained the woman for the job, a job I might add I applied for!
    She treated me like crap!
    When I up and resigned...I took all the forms I had created and deleted the rest from the computer. I also took all of the contacts that I had nicely put in a file box for my disposal. I left her nothing to work with as I had created it all. Why should she have it?

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    1. Wow, that's worse than one little poop in a draw. Thanks for visiting.

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  3. I think we all plot revenge against certain bosses now and then!

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    1. Just trying to get through the day. Thanks.

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  4. I once left a small fish in the heating duct above a boss's desk.

    :-)

    Pew.

    Pearl

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    1. Good one. Remind me NOT to piss you off. Thanks for playing.

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  5. I like your brand of personal revenge. It doesn't harm the innocent. Good one, brother.

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    1. Thank you. I have only carried this plan out in my mind. No work desks were harmed in this posting.

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  6. I too have had my share of bad bosses...they do make good blog fodder:)
    My current boss is pretty awesome tho. Love the blog.

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    1. Thank you so much. My current boss is great too and it really makes a big difference when you get up in the morning on a work day.

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  7. Oh yeah, rotten bosses, or rather rotten people in general, love to keep tabs on everyone! But they will never, ever see our inner most thoughts, and then we have our dreams!!! Oh Yeah!

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    1. I hope I never work for a mind reader. Thanks for visiting. Come back often please.

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  8. I agree if I was a boss I would treat people as I would want to be treated that way your staff will do their jobs properly etc oh and they will actually like you heheh!

    I just love your imaginary pay back as I was reading it I was imagining him opening the drawer to be greeted with a huge turd and the smell of all smells LMAO.

    Have a pootastic day and don't do anything I would ;-)

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    1. It has taken some discipline to NOT enact this fantasy. Thank you.

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  9. Agent 54- there are several bosses that I would have loved to do that to. My last boss was a moron who spent her off days playing Magic, the Gathering and going to Renaissance Faires. To each his own but she was pretty irritating. I really enjoyed this post, good laugh!

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    1. Great to make you laugh again.

      Thank you for all of your support.

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  10. Oh yeah, working for a living and have had my share of horrible bosses.

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    1. Yes, I think we all have.

      Thanks for playing.

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  11. Oh wow, everyone has had a bad boss they are a dime a dozen. We just have to make the best of it or get another job. Revenge fantasies may help to relieve the pain. ;)

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    1. Thanks again. Glad you enjoy my silly stories.

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