Agent 54 is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. Agent 54 works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. Agent 54 reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Sandra Stuck in Space
Agent 54 here again. I was working on a Saturday so, at lunch time
I thought I’d call up Jimmy John’s and have a Gargantuan sandwich
delivered. Well, I must have dialed the
wrong number but, due to our NSA internal routing and other secret technical
stuff I had a very pleasant accident and I got to talk to one of my favorite
people, Sandra Bullock who is aboard the International Space Station. This was our conversation:
Sandra: Hello, International Space Station, Sandra
54: Uh, this is Agent 54.
Sandra: Asian 54?
54: No, Agent 54 and,,,
Sandra: Asian 54 what? Oh, you mean that hot new band.
54: No, my name is Agent 54.
Sandra: Wait a minute. Okay, I forgot that I had cotton in my ears
because I took a shower and you know, in space the water will get in your ears
unless you use cotton and so now, Asian 54, what can I do for you.
54: My name is Agent 54 and I’m with the NSA under the DORD.
Sandra: Oh, I know who you guys are. You’re the ones who spy on us all the time
and turn our personal business into jokes.
54: Right! That’s us.
Sandra: So why are you calling me? I mean NASA and NSA don’t have anything in
54: Oh you’d be so surprised. Believe me, we’re involved in
everything. Anyway, I must have gotten
the wrong number because I was just trying to order a sandwich for lunch from
Sandra: (interrupting) Oh, I love Jimmy John’s sandwiches. They’re so fresh and they deliver in no
time. I wish I could have one delivered
now up here. Wait! Let me guess.
You were gonna order a Gargantuan.
54: Yes I was. Say, you’re Sandra Bullock aren’t you?
Sandra: I knew it.
They’re the best. I should have
packed some in an extra suitcase before coming back here. Oh yeah, it’s me. Sandra stuck in space again.
54: Yeah, your movie, Gravitivity is out
now so why are you up there?
Sandra: Oh, it’s Hollywood. Sometimes they want to shoot the sequel right
away before they even know if the first movie is going to be a hit. Oh yeah, it’s called Gravity by the way.
54: Yeah, I knew that. Sometimes I’m a clown. Hey! I got a great name for the second film.
How about: Too Much Gravity? Or Two Much
Sandra: Humm, not bad clown boy.
54: So, you know I’ve been a big fan of
yours since you made “Love Potion No. 9”. And of course everyone loved you in “The
Sandra: Aww, that’s so sweet.
54: So, well, I know your last husband
was a jerk to you, so if you are still free, well, you know my wife and I
discussed it and you know, if you want to hook- up with me, it’s okay with her
and even if you want to hook- up with both of us, well, we’re cool with that. I’m sure we can make some kind of special
arrangement that works for all three of us.
Sandra: Yeah, that’s a tempting offer there Agent 54 and
I’m sure you’re a nice man and all but, I have a sweetheart waiting for me back
on earth thank you.
54: Oh, of course you do. I knew you wouldn’t be on the market for very
long. Well, if that doesn’t work
out. Let me give you my number.
Sandra: No, That’s okay. I think it’s going to all work out with this
54: Sure, and if you want to get in
touch with me for any reason you can do it through the NSA. Just ask for Agent 54. Everyone knows mehere.
I’m kinda star in my own little universe.
Sandra: Hey, since you’re with the NSA and you guys
know everything, tell me, William Shatner, is that his real hair?
54: Heck no! I gotta tell ya, someday I hope to be half as
cool as Captain Kirk’s toupee.
Sandra: Oh yeah, me too. I mean I love Star Trek.
54: You already are as cool as Bill’s
Sandra: Aww, you’re so sweet. Well, it’s been nice chatting with you on
this celestial wrong number.
54: Yeah, very nice for me too.
Sandra: Well, I gotta get back to work soon.
54: Oh yeah, I gotta eat my lunch or
I’ll be grumpy as a grizzly bear by 2:30.
54: Bye click, Bye.
Wow, wasn’t Sandra just the nicest. You know I feel bad for her because the men
in her life haven’t always treated her the way she deserves to be treated. She really deserves someone like me. Life can be unfair.
Hey! The kid from Jimmy John’s is here and
he’s got my sandwich. Somehow they were
listening in on my conversation with the beautiful and talented Sandra Bullock. Wow, this is
my lucky day.