Sandra Stuck in Space

Sandra Bullock

  Agent 54 here again.  I was working on a Saturday so, at lunch time I thought I’d call up Jimmy John’s and have a Gargantuan sandwich delivered.  Well, I must have dialed the wrong number but, due to our NSA internal routing and other secret technical stuff I had a very pleasant accident and I got to talk to one of my favorite people, Sandra Bullock who is aboard the International Space Station.  This was our conversation:

Sandra:  Hello, International Space Station, Sandra speaking.

Agent 54:  Uh, this is Agent 54.

Sandra:  Asian 54?

Agent 54:  No, Agent 54 and,,,

Sandra:  Asian 54 what?  Oh, you mean that hot new band.

Agent 54:  No, my name is Agent 54.

Sandra:  Wait a minute.  Okay, I forgot that I had cotton in my ears because I took a shower and you know, in space the water will get in your ears unless you use cotton and so now, Asian 54, what can I do for you.

Agent 54:  My name is Agent 54 and I’m with the NSA under the DORD.

Sandra:  Oh, I know who you guys are.  You’re the ones who spy on us all the time and turn our personal business into jokes.

Agent 54:  Right!  That’s us.

Sandra:  So why are you calling me?  I mean NASA and NSA don’t have anything in common.

Agent 54:  Oh you’d be so surprised.  Believe me, we’re involved in everything.  Anyway, I must have gotten the wrong number because I was just trying to order a sandwich for lunch from Jimmy John’s,,,

Sandra:  (interrupting)  Oh, I love Jimmy John’s sandwiches.  They’re so fresh and they deliver in no time.  I wish I could have one delivered now up here.  Wait!  Let me guess.  You were gonna order a Gargantuan.

Agent 54:  Yes I was.  Say, you’re Sandra Bullock aren’t you?

Sandra:  I knew it.  They’re the best.  I should have packed some in an extra suitcase before coming back here.  Oh yeah, it’s me.  Sandra stuck in space again.

Agent 54:  Yeah, your movie, Gravitivity is out now so why are you up there?

Sandra:  Oh, it’s Hollywood.  Sometimes they want to shoot the sequel right away before they even know if the first movie is going to be a hit.  Oh yeah, it’s called Gravity by the way.

Agent 54:  Yeah, I knew that.  Sometimes I’m a clown.  Hey! I got a great name for the second film. How about:  Too Much Gravity? Or Two Much Gravity?

Sandra:  Humm, not bad clown boy.

Agent 54:  So, you know I’ve been a big fan of yours since you made “Love Potion No. 9”.  And of course everyone loved you in “The Blind Side”.

Sandra:  Aww, that’s so sweet.

Agent 54:  So, well, I know your last husband was a jerk to you, so if you are still free, well, you know my wife and I discussed it and you know, if you want to hook- up with me, it’s okay with her and even if you want to hook- up with both of us, well, we’re cool with that.  I’m sure we can make some kind of special arrangement that works for all three of us.

Sandra:  Yeah, that’s a tempting offer there Agent 54 and I’m sure you’re a nice man and all but, I have a sweetheart waiting for me back on earth thank you.

Agent 54:  Oh, of course you do.  I knew you wouldn’t be on the market for very long.  Well, if that doesn’t work out.  Let me give you my number.

Sandra:  No, That’s okay.  I think it’s going to all work out with this guy.

Agent 54:  Sure, and if you want to get in touch with me for any reason you can do it through the NSA.  Just ask for Agent 54.  Everyone knows me here.  I’m kinda star in my own little universe.

Captain Kirk

Sandra:  Hey, since you’re with the NSA and you guys know everything, tell me, William Shatner, is that his real hair?

Agent 54:  Heck no!  I gotta tell ya, someday I hope to be half as cool as Captain Kirk’s toupee.

Sandra:  Oh yeah, me too.  I mean I love Star Trek.

Agent 54:  You already are as cool as Bill’s toupee.

Sandra:  Aww, you’re so sweet.  Well, it’s been nice chatting with you on this celestial wrong number.

Agent 54:  Yeah, very nice for me too.

Sandra:   Well, I gotta get back to work soon.

Agent 54:  Oh yeah, I gotta eat my lunch or I’ll be grumpy as a grizzly bear by 2:30.

Sandra:  Bye.

Agent 54:  Bye click, Bye.

  Wow, wasn’t Sandra just the nicest.  You know I feel bad for her because the men in her life haven’t always treated her the way she deserves to be treated.  She really deserves someone like me.  Life can be unfair.

  Hey! The kid from Jimmy John’s is here and he’s got my sandwich.  Somehow they were listening in on my conversation with the beautiful and talented Sandra Bullock.  Wow, this is my lucky day.

When Garden Hoses Attack