Agent 54 : Is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. He works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. He reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
NSA Petting Zoo
Agent 54 here again. Well, I was in my cubicle at the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) when a
group of VIPs were being given a tour of the building. Because my cubicle is the first one they see,
being right at the end of the hallway, the tour groups always pause right there
and the person leading the groups always gives a brief description of us
Listener/Readers. This always makes me
feel like an animal on display at the zoo.
The other day it was even worse as some of
the ladies in the group must have thought of it as a “petting zoo”. I was just sitting there when one of them
started rubbing my bald head. She was
petting me like a donkey or something.
Well, I don’t like to cause a big stink at work so, I just went with it
and when the other lady started hand feeding me Doritos well, I figured “this isn’t
so bad, let’s just go with it”.
It was the third lady that took it to
extremes. When I think about it now I have
to wonder why she was walking in a tour of a high security building, dressed in
a business suit, with an open can of sardines?
However at the time she started dangling the sardines in front of me,
well, I couldn’t help myself. You know
how much I love sardines, so who can blame me for clapping my flippers and
barking like Harbor Seal? Those sardines
Next thing I know, Commander Gasket is
staring at me with that look of extreme disapproval on his face. I felt like a fool but, the sardine lady
still had half a can of sardines and the other lady still had some
Doritos. I was trapped between a rock
and a hard place.
By the time everyone left my area I had so
much orange spice powder from the Doritos on my face I looked like one of The
Joker’s henchmen. I also had the breath
of a gluttonous Sea Lion.
I don’t know why this happened but, I feel
like I was set up. I don’t know what
Gasket is going to put in his report. This
whole episode gives me pause to ask a lot of questions like: Is someone at the NSA trying to get rid of
me? Why would anyone do that? Does someone think I’m underfed? Why would anyone think that? Who walks around with an open can of sardines
all day long?
If you know the answers to any of these
questions please type them in the comments boxes. Without your help I may never figure what
really happened that day at the NSA Petting Zoo.