Agent 54 is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. Agent 54 works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. Agent 54 reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
Friday, February 20, 2015
Organized Crème – Sweet Deal
Agent 54 here again. We spied on a big business meeting between
two wee little people.Could this be
a criminal conspiracy? Let’s check it
Scene: Inside the business office of Lucky the
Leprechaun in the Lucky Charms factory we see Lucky working at his tidy
desk. Pictures adorn the walls of
various Leprechauns throughout history and of several rainbows leading to pots
of gold. The buzzer sounds and a
secretary’s voice is heard.
Secretary: Mr. Ernest J. Keebler here to see you sir.
an Irish brogue) Aye! Send him in right
An elf in a
green coat, yellow tie, yellow shorts and with a brief case opens the door and
enters the office.
Ernie: (with a slow, downhome accent) Hello, I’m
Ernie Keebler, Mr. Leprechaun.
Lucky: Oh please, call me Lucky. What can I do for you on this glorious day?
Ernie: First, please let me say that you have a fine
facility here, Lucky.
Lucky: Oh, and a busy place it is. Everyone loves me Lucky Charms. We’re running 3 full shifts at about 92% of full capacity. Aye, we’re doin quite well for ourselves. You know, to tell the truth, I’m quite fond
of yer Pecan Sandies me self.
Ernie: Really, that’s just great. You know, they’re uncommonly good. Well, let’s get to it, shall we. Keebler Cookies needs to expand. We’ve been in the Old Hollow Tree since 1978
and to tell the truth, it’s starting to smell.
Lucky: Ya don’t say.
Ernie: Yes, you know we live and work in the tree
and as demand for our cookies has risen, more and more of it is being used for
baking. The living area has been
squeezed to almost nothing. This is
wearing on our employees. Why, I had to
break up an elf fight last week.
Lucky: Glory be, you’re not pullin me leg now are
Ernie: No sir, it really happened. So, we’ve decided that we need a new Hollow
Tree. Now, you know Hollow Trees don’t
grow over night so, we had plans drawn up for a great big, state of the art
Faux Hallow Tree with triple the baking capacity of our old tree. I have the plans in my brief case. Would you like to see them?
Lucky: No, no that won’t be necessary. That’s not really me field of expertise. Tell me more about yer vision for the new
Keebler Cookie company.
Ernie: Well, we plan to build the new Faux Hallow Tree
on our own property close to the old tree and then slowly ramp up production
until we meet our goals and then we want to renovate the Old Hallow Tree and
make it strictly living quarters for the elves.
You know even elves need a nice place to relax and unwind.
Lucky: Aye, sure they do.
Ernie: We were hoping that if we could secure the
extra financing that we could put a swimming pool in between the trees with
rope swings for the boys.
Lucky: Oh, that’s a lovely vision ya got there but,
why come to me?
Ernie: Well, you know time was that in this country
anyone with a decent plan could just go to the bank and get the financing they
needed. Things have tightened up
considerably. When I went to the bank
for a loan, they laughed at me.
Lucky: No, that wasn’t very kind of them now, was
Ernie: They said they haven’t given a loan to a
fictional character in years. I was
Lucky: Actually, I did hear it was tough for me
fellow fictional characters out there, except for Ron Burgundy. I hear he’s leading the polls in the 2016
American Presidential race. How about
Ernie: Oh yeah, Ron is great. All the guys at the Old Hallow Tree are very
excited to be voting for one of our own.
So, that’s why I came to you. I
heard you can help out people like us when the banks can’t or won’t.
Lucky: Did ya? Where would ya hear a thing like that?
Ernie: Well, I hear things. You know us elves have great ears.
Lucky: Aye, that you do, that you do. Well, Ernie I love yer vision and yer
enthusiasm and the whole Keebler Cookie brand.
Truth be told, I think we can make a deal. Now, of course you can’t say a word of this
to anyone you know.
Ernie: Oh, my lips are sealed, except to eat another
cookie. Ha ha
up from his chair.
Lucky: Ha ha.
Okay now, let’s go to see me little Black Irish associate, Vinny in the
back. He’s the “loan officer” and he’ll
go over and finalize the terms of our little agreement with ya.
up and the wee little guys shake hands.
Ernie: Oh boy, thank you so much Lucky. I can’t wait to go back and tell the boys at
the Old Hallow Tree the good news.
Lucky: (changing to a slightly threatening tone and
gripping Ernie’s hand a little tighter) Remember now, you didn’t talk to
me. This deal didn’t happen. If anyone asks where you got the money you
want to tell them you got “lucky” at the Craps tables in Las Vegas, capeesh?
Yes, yes of course.
Lucky: (back to a friendly tone) You know, I might send one of me boys in a
small truck over to yer Hallow tree. Ya
think you could fill it up with some Pecan Sandies for me and the other
Sure, (swallowing hard) anything you want.
his arm around Ernie and leads him out the back door of his office.
Lucky: Aye, us fictional characters really do have
to stick together in these uncertain times.
Let’s go see Vinny.
Well, I can clearly see violations of the RICO
statute and other crimes going on here but, I just love all those Keebler Fudge
cookies and Lucky Charms cereal too. I
don’t want to put these wee little guys out of business. I think Agent 54 is going to have to “accidentally”
shred this file. Shhhhh! Don’t tell nobody.