Agent 54 is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. Agent 54 works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. Agent 54 reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Agent 54 here again. The anticipation has been building all
week. I knew this phone call was going
to be epic. Finally, it came and it was
so worth the wait. Here’s my report on
the call from Superman to Megamind.
Scene: Inside Megamind’s Mega-Secret, impenetrable
lair we see Megamind’s sidekick, Minion doing some light house cleaning. The phone rings.
Minion: Hello, Megamind’s Mega-Secret, impenetrable
lair, tell us who you are and we’ll decide if we care.
Superman: This is Superman calling for Megamind. What was your name, Munchkin?
Minion: Superman! Uh, Minion, my name is Minion and I’ll go
get my boss right away.
enters the room.
Megamind: Minion, I’m getting hungry. Who are you talking to?
Minion: It’s Superman for you, Sir.
What could he want? Do you think he knows where the Mega-secret, impenetrable lair is? You better get out of here so I can
concentrate on his call.
Minion: Right, Sir,,, to the kitchen to make
Megamind: Minion, please stop imitating Buzz
Lightyear. That’s so annoying.
Minion: Sorry, Sir.
(on the phone) Heeello, ha ha ha (evil
laughter) this is Megamind, how can I help you?
Superman: Yeah, Megamind, who was that other guy,
Onion? Nevermind, I wanted to discuss
something with you.
Megamind: Superman! How did you find out where myMega-secret, impenetrable lair
is? Who ratted me out? What are your intentions?
Superman: Hey, take it easy. I don’t know where your,, your, I don’t know
where you are and I don’t really care. I
got your number from Buzz Lightyear although 555-v-i-l-l-i-a-n is pretty obvious, I mean I probably could
have figured that one out by myself.
Megamind: Is this a trick? Are you coming to try to penetrate my Mega-secret,
Superman: No, now c’mon. You know that being a “Good Guy”, if you ask
me if it is a trick and it is, I have to tell you. So there now.
Can we talk?
Megamind: Yes, I am aware of the “Good Guy” code. Okay, so Superman, what’s on your mind?
Superman: Well, I was talking to Buzz Lightyear about
my little problem,,,
(interrupting) Buzz does like to talk,
doesn’t he. He’s alright, a bit of a
Goody Two Shoes do-gooder but, he’s okay.
Superman: None taken.
So let’s get down to it. I have a
problem with Kryptonite. I can use lead
to shield myself from it but, did you ever try to make a costume out of lead? I mean talk about clunky.
Megamind: Yes, I can imagine that. Definitely NOT Superhero like.
Superman: Yeah, well, Buzz told me you use carbon
nanotube fibers for your costumes so I put 2 and 2 together and thought that
with your great mind you could find a way to blend lead with the carbon
nanotube fibers and come up with a Super- Mega material for my new costume that
would protect me from Kryptonite.
Megamind: A lead-carbon nanotube fiber Super-Mega, no,
no, a Mega-Super material. That’s brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that? Yes, yes I could definitely do that. I think I could do that. If anyone could do that it would be me. Okay Superman, If I decide to do this, what’s
in it for me?
Superman: Well, for starters you would get one third
the credit for inventing the stuff and half the merchandising rights
No good. I want all the credit
for inventing the stuff and 75% of the merchandising rights or you’re on your
Superman: All the credit! Are you nuts?
What’ll I tell Buzz?
Megamind: schrrrrrbizzz Whoa Superman, looks like our connection is
breaking up schdddddbllzzzz,,,
Superman: Okay, okay,
I’ll just have to make Buzz say yes somehow. Okay you get it all. Besides I do too much merchandising already.
Megamind: I knew you’d see it my way, he he he (evil
laughter). Now, one more thing. Suppose I make this suit for you and it
works. You’ll be virtually invulnerable and undefeatable. How do I know you won’t use your new invincibility
against my evilness.
Superman: Well, I’ll just have to promise to look the
other way when you do your evil thing, as long as you confine yourself to doing
it in Metro City.
Megamind: It’s Metrocity. We call it Metrocity.
Superman: Yeah, Okay, Whatever, do we have a deal?
Megamind: We have a Mega-Deal!
I can’t wait to get started. (calling to the kitchen) Minion, get in here and bring a note pad,
we’re going shopping. (to Superman) So,
give me your number so I can call you when I get a proto-type ready.
Superman: Right, it’s 555-S-u-p-e-r-m-a.
Really? That’s like a number some
mommy blogger would have. Not too well
thought out there Superma.
I was in a hurry. You know. There’s 8 letters in Superman and only 7 in a
phone number. What was I to do?
Megamind: I would have thought of something. Nevermind, I’ll call you Superma. Click
hangs up as Minion enters the room with a note pad.
Megamind's Impenetrable Mega-Secret Lair
Megamind: Ah, good Minion, I’m going to need a half ton
of lead and half ton of Kryptonite from the Villianworld Super Supply store and
then we need to go to Sears to check out the latest high-tech sowing machines.
Minion: Can I ask you sir, what this is all for?
Megamind: I’m working on a secret Mega-Super Project
with Superman himself.
Minion: Congratulations Sir! Bye the way, our sandwiches are ready.
You know they say never go shopping on an empty stomach. Thank you Minion.
Minion: My evil pleasure, Sir.
at Superman’s pad:
Superman: (to author, Timothy) Pad?
Really? Did you really call it a pad?
Austin Powers crashes at a “Pad”.
This is my Crystal Fortress. You
want to get it together now?
Timothy: Sorry Superman. It’s just that, I’m a little tired.
Superman: Okay, we’ll take 10 and you can get another
cup of coffee and come back to fix it.
Timothy: Yeah, thanks, I’m on it.
Superman’s magnificent, secret, Crystal Fortress, Lois Lane walks into the
living area where Superman is seated on a beautiful couch and watching his big
screen giant holographic T.V. She
sits and snuggles next to him.
Lois: Hey Hun, who was that on the phone?
Superman: Hey Sweetie, it was Megamind. I talked him into making me a new costume
that will protect me from Kryptonite.
Lois: Cool, you always wanted one of those. Hey, weren’t you going to call Buzz Lightyear
about that. Why is Megamind helping you?
Isn’t he evil?
Superman: Nah, not really. He’s just a bit of a control freak. In the negotiations I had to fake like I
cared if he got the credit for inventing the new material he’s making. Like I need the credit.
Lois: That’s funny.
He sounds like a nuttball.
Superman: Yeah, a super-genius nuttball. Hey Honey, all that negotiating has made me
Lois: I got it,,to the kitchen to make a