Agent 54 is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. Agent 54 works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. Agent 54 reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
Agent 54 here again. Max (Agent 86) personally assigned me to this
one. We heard an interesting phone call
and that lead us to stake out the docks and pier number 7 in particular. Here’s what we got.
John: Vicente’s Pizza, John speaking. Can I take you order.
Aquaman: Hi John.
John: Hey, A-man, how ya doin? Want the usual?
Aquaman: Not tonight John. I need 2 Aquaman Specials, extra anchovies
and 2 large pepperoni and 2 Italian meatlovers pies delivered to pier 7. You got that?
John: You want all six large pies and say 6 one
liter bottles of assorted sodas. Poker
Aquaman: Can’t fool you, John.
John: Hey, I’m happy to cater your little
affair. Let’s say about 45 minutes for
Aquaman: See ya then.
Scene: Docked at Pier 7 is a submarine that is
shaped to look something like a Blue Whale.
A submarine crew man stands by each end of the ship. The hatch is open and Aquaman waits on the
pier. About 45 minutes after the phone
call, John and his sons arrive.
Aquaman: Hey guys, take that stuff in and put it on
the counter in the galley.
and his sons come out of the sub, Aquaman hands John a $100 bill.
Aquaman: Man your boys are growing like weeds. Hey keep the change.
John: Thanks a lot and good luck in the game?
pizza is my good luck charm. Thank you.
John and his sons depart the first “guest” arrives.
Penguin: Wa, wa How are you my old friend?
Aquaman: Ship shape, how have you been?
Penguin: Busy, busy, planning and scheming, scheming
Aquaman: Well, take it easy tonight. Relax, go on board and pour yourself a drink.
Penguin: Don’t mind if I do. Don’t mind if I do my friend.
boards as another player shows up.
Flipper: Hey, Aquaman as I live and breathe, nice to
see you again my man.
Aquaman: Good to have you come aboard. Where’s your buddy, Shamu?
Flipper: He sends his apologies. He’s still got another day of shooting on
Aquaman: Yeah, how’s that going?
Flipper: I finished up today but, Shamu got a bigger
part and I’ll tell you, it’s gone to his head,,,and his gut too. Ha ha ho
boards the submarine and shortly thereafter another player comes striding up
the dock in a beautiful black tuxedo.
Pesci: (Pesci is Italian for Fish) Hey
Aquaman, is this your submarine or are you just happy to see me?
Aquaman: C’mere and gimmie a hug ya gangster you.
The men hug
and then Joe pretends to punch Aquaman in the gut. They both laugh.
Joe: Hey who’s here?
Aquaman: The Penguin is in there waiting for you.
Joe: Oh my God, I love that guy. Oh boy, you’re in trouble tonight when me and
The Penguin get together.
Aquaman: Go onboard and get a drink.
Joe: Don’t have to ask me twice.
Joe boards. A strange fellow with a squinty eye and corn
cob pipe approaches.
Sailorman: Well blow me down, Aquaman
how is ya?
Aquaman: (as they shake hands) Fine and you’re looking fit. So, Olive Oil let you out tonight?
Popeye: (under his breath) I’m supposed to be takin a shift patrollin
the docks for the Harbor Master as far as Olive knows.
Aquaman: You better sneak on board now in that case.
Popeye: (muttering quietly) Just doin me job and,,, (louder) what’s this?
A submarinizer! I better go
aboard and have a look-see ta makes sure tings is on the up and up and all ship
boards. Charlie Tuna is the next guest
Charlie: Aquaman, I heard you need someone with good
taste to class up this little affair you’re havin here tonight.
Aquaman: Thanks for coming. We have a few class acts here tonight. I’m sure it will be a lot of “tasteful” fun.
Charlie: Not too “tasteful” I hope.
chuckle as Charlie boards the submarine.
A stunning picture of seduction in a mink
coat manifests itself on he pier. It’s
Octopussy and she’s dressed to kill with a beautiful, low cut blue dress under
the mink. She is sporting enough fine
jewelry to make the Queen jealous. Her
full and lovely brown hair accents her piercing blue eyes. She walks in high heels down the pier with
the grace of a ballerina.
Aquaman: Madam, you are fashionably late.
Octopussy: I trust it was worth the wait for you.
Octopussy: Let’s cut the crap. How many suckerfish do we have here tonight?
Aquaman: There are six, not counting myself. Shamu couldn’t make it, he’s working.
Octopussy: Good, I always feel like we’re packed into
that submarine like sardines when he comes.
Aquaman: It’s not that bad. This is a big ship and there is plenty of
room at my underwater home, Atlantis.
Let’s get aboard. We’ll be in
international waters in about 30 minutes.
Octopussy: Let’s do this.
Aquaman: Gives the order “cast off” to the crew and boards
the ship. In a couple of minutes the
submarine slowly departs.
have any surveillance onboard the submarine.
Aquaman must have the latest electronic de-bugging and anti-spy
equipment on board. We’re working on
electronically penetrating his underwater home, Atlantis but, this is difficult
because it is so deep in the ocean.
Because the Poker game is probably played in International waters, I
don’t think an actual crime is being committed but, It sure would be
interesting to listen in on it anyway. I
wish Commodore Agent 54 had been invited.
Maybe next time.
Agent 54 here again. I know it’s rude to listen in on the
conversations of the ladies but, that’s what I get paid for and it’s so
revealing. Do you remember the Brady Bunch and the Partridge Family shows? Shirley Partridge called
Carol Brady the other day. How cool is
Shirley Partridge: Hello Carol?
Brady: Hi Shirley, how are you?
Shirley: I’m okay but, my kitchen is a mess. Mr. Kincaid took Danny hunting of all things
and they came back with 3 very dead Porkypines and they insist that I prepare
and cook them for the “Big Game Hunters”.
Carol: Did you say Porkypines? Nobody hunts Porkypines.
Shirley: Oh yeah.
They said they were going for deer and came back with Porkypines. Have you ever cleaned and gutted a Porkypine? I’m gonna need a Tetanus shot.
Carol: Oh my word.
Is there anything I can do to help?
Shirley: Well, that’s why I called. I’ve heard of a dish called Porkypine
Meatballs but, you know, I’m a musician, not a great cook. Do you or Alice have a recipe for something
Carol: Uh, you do know that Porkypine Meatballs
aren’t necessarily made from Porkypine, don’t you?
Shirley: What do you mean? (panicky voiced) I have all this Porkypine
here, I’ve got to do something with it and I promised,,,
Carol: (interrupting) Stay calm. Alice is right here. Alice can you help Shirley?
Alice: Sure thing Mrs. B. (picking up the phone)
Mrs. Partridge, you just listen to ole Alice here and we’ll fix everything.
Shirley: Oh Alice, you’re a godsend. How can I ever repay you?
Alice: We’ll find a way. Now, take that Porkypine and wrap it in a
plastic bag and throw it into the trash dumpster.
Shirley: But, I promised to,,,
Alice: Nevermind that, just tell the boys you need
to step out to get some more ingredients and you get your ass to Sam the butcher. I’ll call him ahead of time and order some
ground beef and ground pork and you’ll add the rice and make the sauce per theBaked Porcupine Meatballs -
Southern Food - About.com recipe.
Shirley: You want me to lie to the boys.
Alice: I prefer to call it “Bullshitting them”. Believe me, when you see the look on their
faces after they taste the “Porkypine Meatballs” that they think they themselves
shot, Bullshiting will become your favorite sport.
Shirley: Are you sure this will work?
yeah, it will work. Nobody knows
what Porkypine tastes like. I’ve been
bullshitting a long time. Believe me
they’ll love you for it. Here’s Mrs. B,
Carol: Shirley, are you okay with doing this type of
Shirley: Well, what choice do I have? I guess I’ll just have to go for it.
Carol: That’s the spirit. Don’t feel bad about bullshitting the
boys. Look at what they get out of
it. A delicious meal and the
satisfaction of thinking they brought home dinner the “manly, old fashioned way”.
Shirley: You’re right.
I’ll make this work and when it’s done I’ll take all the glory. Why not?
Carol: And we’ll cover for you on this side if your
guys talk to our guys.
Shirley: Thanks a million Carol, you and Alice are
Carol: What are friends for. Bye bye.
makes you kinda wonder just how much “bullshitting” is going on in domestic
kitchens around the world. Aw, who
cares, as long as it tastes good.
here again. I really enjoy catching up
on some of my old television buddies at my NSA job. Remember Gilligan and the castaways? Let’s see what they’re up to today.
Scene: Inside a spacious and well-appointed
condo located at 1837 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles, Ca. There is a fully stocked bar with a bartender
and there is cocktail party going on.
Howell III: (to the bartender) Let me have another, my good man.
Howell: Slow down Thurston. You know how those Bourbons effect you.
Howell: Yes I do and that’s why I want
tapping on his Pomegranate Martini glass with a spoon.
Gilligan: Hi everybody, I just wanted to welcome you
and say thanks for coming to our One year anniversary of getting off that
stupid island party.
holding a big full beer stein.
Skipper:A toast!To our first year of freedom, and to many more!
drinks. Suddenly, the lights go
out. There is a hush in the room and
then the flash of a lightning bolt followed by the crackle of thunder followed
by the sound of a gunshot and a scream then the howl of a wolf, the sound tires
squealing and a car crash, Big Ben chimes, someone bangs a gong, an owl hoots.
(Commercial break) scene: close-up as a man appears to be riding a
horse on the beach but, as the camera backs up, you see he’s really a Centaur. Centaur: Believe in your Smellf with Old Spice.
Scene: When we come
back to Gilligan’s condo the lights are on, there is a chalk outline of a body
on the living room floor and there are two LA police officers and one police Lieutenant
wearing a trench coat and smoking a cigar.
Columbo: Hey, uh Ladies and Gentlemen
I’m Lieutenant Columbo of the LA police Homicide department we have to ask you
some questions so don’t anybody try to leave until we’re done here.
Professor: What kind of questions?
Columbo: Questions pertaining to a homicide
Oh no, not when I was just restarting my career.
Ann: Homicide? Here?
That means there’s a murderer among us. (she and Ginger start to cry)
Columbo: Now take it easy everybody,
you’re in no danger now that the police are here.
Murray: (calling out from the main bedroom)
Lieutenant Columbo you better come here and see this.
Columbo: Coming Officer Murphy.
Murray: It’s Murray sir.
Columbo: Murray, yeah, okay what the
heck is all this.
Murray: It’s a drawer full of ladies
Those are my underwear, get out of there.
Columbo: Very interesting. Mr. Gilligan, why do you have a drawer full
of ladies underwear?
Gilligan: I told you those are my underwear. I started wearing them on the set when I had
to dress as a woman and I liked it.
They’re comfortable and they don’t chafe me.
Lieutenant Columbo: Weird!
Gilligan: Wearing ladies underwear doesn’t make me a killer.
Columbo: No, no it doesn’t. It makes you a Weirdo!
Murphy: (calling from the computer desk
in the living room) Lieutenant Columboyou better come here and see this.
Columbo: Coming Officer Murray.
Murphy: It’s Murphy sir.
Columbo: Yeah, whatever. Whatcha got?
Murphy: Unopened mail for Mr. Gilligan
at address 1837 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles, Ca.
Columbo: Yeah so?
Murphy: Dispatch said the murder took
place at 1387 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles, Ca.
Columbo: Uh, oh. Uh, Mr. Gilligan uh, thank you for your
cooperation. (to Officer Murray) Murphy,
pick up that chalk outline and let’s get our asses over to the right building.
Gilligan: You knuckleheads are at the wrong condo!
party guests laugh and sigh a sigh of relief that nobody there is a murderer.
(Commercial break) scene: A football player wearing orange number 83 is
in his locker room enjoying the smell of his Old Spice deodorant but, as the
camera pulls away you discover that he’s really in a snow globe on a dollar
Whistler: (whistles the Old Spice jingle) A Kicker kicks a stick of deodorant through
Scene: Skipper and
Gilligan are at the bar.
Skipper: Well, that was a close one there, little
Gilligan: Whatda ya mean? You didn’t really think someone here was a
killer, did you?
Skipper: All I know is that after I saw all that
ladies underwear, I didn’t know what to think.
Gilligan: Gee thanks!
After I’ve been your little buddy for all these years. Boy, a
guy tries to make himself a little more comfortable and people think
he’s some kinda whacko psycho killer or something.
Suddenly, the lights go out. There is a hush in the room and then the
flash of a lightning bolt followed by the crackle of thunder followed by the sound
of a gunshot and a scream….
Agent 54 here again. Well, Ron Burgundy has conceded the race to President Donald Trump. It was a great race for Ron. Let's take a look back at the fun we had on the campaign trail. Blitzed Wolfer: Hello I’m Blitzed Wolfer for CAN the Cable Ass
Network. A crowd has gathered here at
the Crystal Springs Carwash, 6001 Erie
St. & Kyrene Rd. in beautiful Chandler Arizona 85226 for an event that
could have major consequences for the 2016 Presidential race. The place is highly decorated with Patriotic
Red White and Blue balloons, Flags and streamers. A podium awaits a speaker. There is excitement in the air.
(Ron Burgundy approaches the podium
Hello everyone and thank you for coming to
the Announcement of the Ron Burgundy Campaign for President of the United
States of America. (wild cheers)
I want to give a special thank you to
Campaign Chairman The Only Wendy Shade and Campaign Volunteers Maureen, John and Tim. (small applause)
This great country is starving for leadership
and I want to feed it. (cheers)
needs a real man with brawn and great hair (shout from the crowd “your hair is
a work of art, Ron) Thank you, little
lady. We face many challenges in the
future down the road and I want to be behind the wheel. (cheers)
I want to steer America around the potholes
and through the toll booths to greener pastures. It is in those pastures that I want to milk
the cows of human kindness so that no child is left without milk. I want to be the Duct Tape that repairs the
split we see in our society today. (cheers)
Will this be easy you ask? Heck No! It’s gonna be hard as hell but, with a great
team like the Channel 4 News Team behind me and all Americans everywhere behind
me, we can do this. (cheers)
I know that you may have heard some “small
voices” talking of smelly Pirate hookers and such. Well, those “small voices” are jealous of my
hair and they seek only to divide this great nation. Well, this nation is not dividable! (cheers)
will move on past such nonsense and just ignore it until it goes away. (cheers)
Presidential Candidate Ron Burgundy
I’m asking you to join me in this monumentous
task as my friends Jack Nicholson, Ricky Bobby, Cam Brady, Buddy Hobbs, Megamind,
Brennan Huff, Allan Gamble, Frank Ricard, Jackie Moon, Mugatu, Chazz Michael
Michaels, and many others have joined me for the future of America (wild
Thank you, I’m Ron Burgundy and I want to be
President of the United States.
Blitzed: Well, there you have it. Ron Burgundy has officially thrown his hat
into the ring for President in 2016 and what a race that will be. That’s all from Crystal Springs Carwash, with $4.00 Touchless Automatic service at 6001
Erie St. & Kyrene Rd. in beautiful Chandler Arizona 85226. I’m Blitzed Wolfer for CAN
It started with
a panicked call from my friend
Trey. He and Matt were called away to
Hollywood for a big emergency meeting and they needed me to baby sit the 4
boys, Eric, Stan, Kyle and Kenny for a day. Their timing couldn’t have been worse because
my wife is out of town visiting her parents.
Wait, It’s only 4 boys. It’s not 4
Honey Badgers. No problem, right? Yeah
I had an hour to
prepare so I rushed to the store to pick up the Sharknado CD, Snaky Cakes,
Cheesy Poofs, Ice Cream and Batteries.When I got home I quickly removed all breakable objects from the living
room-campground and found all my extra blankets, pillows and flashlights.I’d let the boys pretend they were camping by
draping blankets over the furniture and using flashlights.Brilliant eh?So I thought.
1:35 pm The adventure begins. Matt and Trey drop the boys off and thank me
a disgusting number of times.No
problem, right. Yeah right.
1:55pm After answering several philosophical
questions about why bald men choose to grow Goatees, I have the boys sitting,
watching Sharknado and eating Snaky Cakes.
The plan is to save the Cheesy Poofs
for more troubling times. No
problem, right. Yeah right.
4:00pm The boys have convinced me to take them
outside. They want to see “Arizona
Wildlife” like Coyotes, Roadrunners, Gila Monsters, Tarantulas and
Buzzards. I tell them that is not likely
where I live but they insist. I’ll take
them to the lake. No problem, right. Yeah right.
4:10pm The lake is beautiful. The sun is shining as usual and it is hot.
The birds are singing as I walk with the boys on the path between the lake and
the canal. We approach the water too
look for fish. Often large Carp…WHACK!
WHACK! WHACK! What the hell? I turn and see Eric cracking a stick across a
terrified turtle’s back.
Agent 54: NO!, Knock it off!
Eric: Bad turtle. Respect my Authori-tie! WHACK!
I quickly grab the poor turtle and narrowly miss being
whacked by Eric’s stick.
Agent 54: Eric, you
just can’t whack living things with sticks.
I release the animal
into the lake and swims away faster than Michael Phelps at the Olympics,
apparently only emotionally damaged.
Eric: It was a bad
turtle. I told it to get back in the
lake and it didn’t respect my Authori-tie.
4:13 pm I’m not sure how to explain the reasons for
what followed. I guess the demon on my
left shoulder got my ear while the angel on the right took a nap. I decided that I would have nature teach
little Eric a lesson. No problem, right? Yeah right.
Agent 54: C’mon boys
let’s look for a Great Blue Heron nest.
I knew exactly where to find multiple Great Blue Herons nests.
Hoo hoo haa haa (evil laughter). For
those who don’t know, Great Blue Herons are large waterfowl that make huge
poops. They like to nest in large, noisy
communities in the tops of their favorite pine trees.
Agent 54: Eric, stand
right here (under the tree) and look up.
Great Blue Herron
4:16 pm There are many mysteries in life. So many unanswered questions. In this case these are a few of the questions
one might have: Did that bird see little
Eric whacking the turtle and therefore he decided on his own to enact his
version of revenge on Eric? Did Agent 54
make a psychic connection with the bird and then did I give it an unconscious
signal to let loose at that exact moment?
Was it just a happy coincidence?
We may never know but, as I backed away and Eric turned his mirrored
sunglasses skyward,,, SPLAT! The
biggest bird poop ever splattered poor little Eric’s entire head.
Still 4:16 pm The three boys and I bust out laughing
uncontrollably as Eric stands in stunned silence,,,and then he starts to
wale. Eric’s very loud crying zaps me
back to reality. I’m responsible for
these 4 lads including Eric. I
frantically try to wipe poop off Eric’s head with my do-rag as I poor water
from my bottle on him. I look around and
try to guess which parent in the park is calling the cops on their cell phone
and which is filming this for a later posting to YouTube.
Agent 54: C’mon Kids,
back to the apartment for baths and dinner.
4:18pm All four boys are covered in poop or mud or
grass or something. Eric got bird bombed
and the others have been rolling on the ground laughing for 2 minutes non-stop. No problem, right. Yeah right.
8:43pm I’m exhausted. The damage done to my wife’s
bathroom will live in infamy. One load
of laundry is in the washer and one is in the dryer. The boys are all bathed, fed and in their
PJs. They are setting up camp in the living room as
I type. I don’t know what they are
watching on the T.V. and I don’t care.
I’ve been longing for a little me time to relax an…..zzzzzzz,zzzzzz,zzzzzz WHA!!!
MAN OVERBOARD! WHA, I’m, I'm all wet.
Agent 54: WHAT THE
8:57pm I charge into the campground to find 4
Angelic boys pretending to sleep.
Agent 54: WHAT THE
Boys all at once: ZZZZZZ,
I spy a Dixie cup on
the floor and realize that my wetness centers around my left ear and then I
know what the hell. The boys waited
until I dozed off at the keyboard and then poured a cup of water in my ear. No problem, aw shut up!
8:58pm As I find my computer chair I hear Eric fart
(yes I can tell it was him) and all the boys crack up. Shortly, they begin mocking my “Man
Overboard” call. Hey!, it was part of my
11:03pm The laughter and farting has died down. I sneak into the quiet campground and open the
sliding glass door a crack. I dare not
go to bed less one of these knuckleheads pulls a fire alarm or something. I’ll just curl up on the couch and try to
catch a cat nap.
6:15am The night was relatively calm a few cups of
water, a few bathroom visits. I managed
to get some sleep but, woke with a stiff neck from the couch. Coffee and Advil, now please!
6:23am As the coffee and sunlight show me an
increasingly detailed view of the campground I see that nearly everything has
orange smudges on it and the carpet appears to be much more crunchy than
usual. Ah yes, the Cheesy Poofs. Maybe not the wisest idea.
Eric: Agent 54, why
did that birdie crap on me?
unprepared for such a straight forward, probing question. I can’t tell him I planned it. Nobody would believe that and nobody would
buy the story that sweet little Eric deserved it. Wait, maybe I should bullshit him into
thinking I can control birds with my mind.
Wait maybe I did control the bird with my mind. Huh?
Agent 54: I dunno.
9:16am Trey is here to pick up the boys. As I open the door he sticks his head in,
looks at what’s left of the campground and just starts to laugh. I have to laugh too.
As I hug each of them and say good bye I still find myself looking
for orange smudges to wipe off before letting them go.
Agent 54 here again. Well, Ron Burgundy has conceded the race to President Donald Trump. It was a great race for Ron. Let's take a look back at the fun we had on the campaign trail. Blitzed:
Hello I’m Blitzed Wolfer for CAN, the Cable Ass Network and tonight we have
exciting news from the 2016 Presidential campaign trail. Brand new CAN Hecht-Cantilever polls show that
Ron Burgundy is leading the race for President in 2016 at this very early stage
in all 57 states. We are hoping to give
the candidate this good news as we wait for him outside Serge Normant at John
Frieda Salon on Melrose Place in Los Angeles California. I think I see Ron and his campaign staff
coming now. Ron, do you have some time for an interview with CAN?
Burgundy: Certainly Blitzed, I’m all too
happy to talk to millions of CAN’s registered viewers, uh registered voters, uh
voters viewing. (The Only Wendy Shade is giving Ron the “cut it” signal)
Blitzed: Well, we have really good news for you
Ron. Our latest polling data indicates
that you have the lead in every state at this early stage.
Ron: Wow wee, that is good news. Well, it shows that we are getting our
message out there and that the people know great hair when they see it.
Blitzed: How is the campaigning going? You’ve been out in your campaign bus
traveling across this great land. What are
the people telling you?
Ron: The campaign is going strong. We are picking up new volunteers everywhere
we go. The people have been very
kind. As for what they are telling us,
well it’s the same everywhere. They
think everyone in the Federal Government is dirty and they want us to clean up
Washington D.C. Politics.
Blitzed: D.C. Politics have been very dirty for a very
long time. Politicians in the past have
promised to clean it up, “drain the swamp” if you will. Do you have a plan that will actually succeed
in cleaning up Washington?
Ron: Yes, yes we do. I’ve been working very hard with Campaign
Chairman The Only Wendy Shade and Financial/Spiritual Adviser Howard and
we’ve come up with a revolutionary plan to, not only clean-up politics but to
also finance my entire Presidential Campaign.
Blitzed: Well, that is a bold statement. Just how do you intend to do this?
Ron: Blitzed it is my honor to announce to the
world through CAN, the Cable Ass Network that I, Ron Burgundy, candidate for
President of the United States in 2016 am going to finance my campaign and
clean-up Washington D.C. at the same time by becoming Old Spice’s newest and
most handsome spokesman. (At this time
the campaign volunteers start passing out samples of Old Spice products with
Ron’s hair pictured on them.) (Volunteer Maureen hands Blitzed an Old Spice
Blitzed: Uh, thanks, uh I’m a bit stunned Ron. Nobody has ever financed a campaign and
launched a product advertising blitz the same time. This is certainly a bold idea but, will it
Ron: Of course it will work. It can’t miss. We will be running the cleanest, best
smelling campaign ever. Crisscrossing
the country while promoting old fashioned American values like fiscal
responsibility and great hair. Old Spice
will be picking up the campaign tab as we cross promote their shampoo, bar soap,
body wash, deodorant aftershave and other products. I will
not be beholden to any lobbyist or special interest except the cleaning up of American
politics. With Old Spice there will be
No smelly Pirate hookers, ever!
Blitzed: Well Ron, this is the most fantastic story
I’ve ever heard in my many years of covering politics. Good luck to you and your campaign.
Ron:Thank you Blitzed and to the people of
America,remember to believe in your
Smelf and believe in Ron Burgundy.