Agent 54 is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. Agent 54 works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. Agent 54 reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Recipes for Life
Agent 54 here again. I know it’s rude to listen in on the
conversations of the ladies but, that’s what I get paid for and it’s so
revealing. Do you remember the Brady Bunch and the Partridge Family shows? Shirley Partridge called
Carol Brady the other day. How cool is
Shirley Partridge: Hello Carol?
Brady: Hi Shirley, how are you?
Shirley: I’m okay but, my kitchen is a mess. Mr. Kincaid took Danny hunting of all things
and they came back with 3 very dead Porkypines and they insist that I prepare
and cook them for the “Big Game Hunters”.
Carol: Did you say Porkypines? Nobody hunts Porkypines.
Shirley: Oh yeah.
They said they were going for deer and came back with Porkypines. Have you ever cleaned and gutted a Porkypine? I’m gonna need a Tetanus shot.
Carol: Oh my word.
Is there anything I can do to help?
Shirley: Well, that’s why I called. I’ve heard of a dish called Porkypine
Meatballs but, you know, I’m a musician, not a great cook. Do you or Alice have a recipe for something
Carol: Uh, you do know that Porkypine Meatballs
aren’t necessarily made from Porkypine, don’t you?
Shirley: What do you mean? (panicky voiced) I have all this Porkypine
here, I’ve got to do something with it and I promised,,,
Carol: (interrupting) Stay calm. Alice is right here. Alice can you help Shirley?
Alice: Sure thing Mrs. B. (picking up the phone)
Mrs. Partridge, you just listen to ole Alice here and we’ll fix everything.
Shirley: Oh Alice, you’re a godsend. How can I ever repay you?
Alice: We’ll find a way. Now, take that Porkypine and wrap it in a
plastic bag and throw it into the trash dumpster.
Shirley: But, I promised to,,,
Alice: Nevermind that, just tell the boys you need
to step out to get some more ingredients and you get your ass to Sam the butcher. I’ll call him ahead of time and order some
ground beef and ground pork and you’ll add the rice and make the sauce per theBaked Porcupine Meatballs -
Southern Food - About.com recipe.
Shirley: You want me to lie to the boys.
Alice: I prefer to call it “Bullshitting them”. Believe me, when you see the look on their
faces after they taste the “Porkypine Meatballs” that they think they themselves
shot, Bullshiting will become your favorite sport.
Shirley: Are you sure this will work?
yeah, it will work. Nobody knows
what Porkypine tastes like. I’ve been
bullshitting a long time. Believe me
they’ll love you for it. Here’s Mrs. B,
Carol: Shirley, are you okay with doing this type of
Shirley: Well, what choice do I have? I guess I’ll just have to go for it.
Carol: That’s the spirit. Don’t feel bad about bullshitting the
boys. Look at what they get out of
it. A delicious meal and the
satisfaction of thinking they brought home dinner the “manly, old fashioned way”.
Shirley: You’re right.
I’ll make this work and when it’s done I’ll take all the glory. Why not?
Carol: And we’ll cover for you on this side if your
guys talk to our guys.
Shirley: Thanks a million Carol, you and Alice are
Carol: What are friends for. Bye bye.
makes you kinda wonder just how much “bullshitting” is going on in domestic
kitchens around the world. Aw, who
cares, as long as it tastes good.