Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Leading in the Polls!

  Agent 54 here again.  Well, Ron Burgundy has conceded the race to President Donald Trump.  It was a great race for Ron.  Let's take a look back at the fun we had on the campaign trail. 

Blitzed: Hello I’m Blitzed Wolfer for CAN, the Cable Ass Network and tonight we have exciting news from the 2016 Presidential campaign trail.  Brand new CAN Hecht-Cantilever polls show that Ron Burgundy is leading the race for President in 2016 at this very early stage in all 57 states.  We are hoping to give the candidate this good news as we wait for him outside Serge Normant at John Frieda Salon on Melrose Place in Los Angeles California.  I think I see Ron and his campaign staff coming now. Ron, do you have some time for an interview with CAN?

Ron Burgundy:  Certainly Blitzed, I’m all too happy to talk to millions of CAN’s registered viewers, uh registered voters, uh voters viewing. (The Only Wendy Shade is giving Ron the “cut it” signal)

Blitzed:  Well, we have really good news for you Ron.  Our latest polling data indicates that you have the lead in every state at this early stage.

Ron:  Wow wee, that is good news.  Well, it shows that we are getting our message out there and that the people know great hair when they see it.

Blitzed:  How is the campaigning going?  You’ve been out in your campaign bus traveling across this great land.  What are the people telling you?

Ron:  The campaign is going strong.  We are picking up new volunteers everywhere we go.  The people have been very kind.  As for what they are telling us, well it’s the same everywhere.  They think everyone in the Federal Government is dirty and they want us to clean up Washington D.C. Politics.

Blitzed:  D.C. Politics have been very dirty for a very long time.  Politicians in the past have promised to clean it up, “drain the swamp” if you will.  Do you have a plan that will actually succeed in cleaning up Washington?

Ron:  Yes, yes we do.  I’ve been working very hard with Campaign Chairman The Only Wendy Shade and Financial/Spiritual Adviser Howard and we’ve come up with a revolutionary plan to, not only clean-up politics but to also finance my entire Presidential Campaign.

Blitzed:  Well, that is a bold statement.  Just how do you intend to do this?

Ron:  Blitzed it is my honor to announce to the world through CAN, the Cable Ass Network that I, Ron Burgundy, candidate for President of the United States in 2016 am going to finance my campaign and clean-up Washington D.C. at the same time by becoming Old Spice’s newest and most handsome spokesman.  (At this time the campaign volunteers start passing out samples of Old Spice products with Ron’s hair pictured on them.) (Volunteer Maureen hands Blitzed an Old Spice shampoo sample)

Blitzed:  Uh, thanks, uh I’m a bit stunned Ron.  Nobody has ever financed a campaign and launched a product advertising blitz the same time.  This is certainly a bold idea but, will it work?

Ron:  Of course it will work.  It can’t miss.  We will be running the cleanest, best smelling campaign ever.  Crisscrossing the country while promoting old fashioned American values like fiscal responsibility and great hair.  Old Spice will be picking up the campaign tab as we cross promote their shampoo, bar soap, body wash, deodorant aftershave and other products.   I will not be beholden to any lobbyist or special interest except the cleaning up of American politics.  With Old Spice there will be No smelly Pirate hookers, ever!

Blitzed:  Well Ron, this is the most fantastic story I’ve ever heard in my many years of covering politics.  Good luck to you and your campaign.

Ron:  Thank you Blitzed and to the people of America,  remember to believe in your Smelf and believe in Ron Burgundy.


  1. Of course he's leading in the polls. It's that great hair, and the old spice.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

    1. Has America awakened?

      Have a great smelling day.

  2. I don't know if America has awakened yet because so many want the free stuff and they don't care how much it costs the ones of us that have to foot the bill. That's what scares me.

    Have a terrific Silly Sunday. ☺

    1. Let's hope Ron can clean up America's act.

      Have a great week.

  3. Ha! Yes! Ron Burgundy for President! Love it!

    1. Ron Burgundy thanks you for your support.

  4. Ron Burgundy + Old Spice = Future POTUS! Great update, Agent 54.