Agent 54 here again. Well, Ron Burgundy has conceded the Presidential race. It was a great race for Ron. Let's take a look back at the fun we had on the campaign trail.
Today we found Ron Burgundy in Bend Oregon holding an outdoor town hall type meeting in a Home Depot parking lot near Riverbend Park. There are a few dozen people around including the campaign volunteers who are distributing campaign materials to the voters in the crowd. Ron is standing on a couple of wood pallets for a stage and the Campaign bus is parked behind him. We pick up Ron at the end of his opening remarks that Tim helped write.
Today we found Ron Burgundy in Bend Oregon holding an outdoor town hall type meeting in a Home Depot parking lot near Riverbend Park. There are a few dozen people around including the campaign volunteers who are distributing campaign materials to the voters in the crowd. Ron is standing on a couple of wood pallets for a stage and the Campaign bus is parked behind him. We pick up Ron at the end of his opening remarks that Tim helped write.
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Presidential Candidate Ron Burgundy |
The
crowd: It’s Bend!
Ron: What’s bent?
The borders? Yeah, some say
they’re broken.
Volunteer
Joe B.: whispers into Ron’s ear.
Ron: Ah yes, I mean the beautiful town of Bend
Oregon. Let’s hear from you. Oh, I see
someone has bought some fencing. Going
to secure your home’s borders, are you?
Woman with
fencing in the crowd: Yes we are and
your hair is a work of art, Ron!
Ron: Oh, well thank you darling Anyone else got a question or statement?
A man
wearing a camouflaged fishing hat, dirty wife-beater undershirt, dirty shorts
and clam digger boots, pushing a brand new wheelbarrow with a new flat shovel,
a bag of manganese, a bottle of Chinch bug poison and some other various lawn
care products pops up in the crowd out of nowhere.
Carl
Spackler: Yeah, over heeeree! I got something I wanna ask.
Ron: Yes sir, you with the wheelbarrow, please
tell us your name.
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Carl Spackler |
Carl: It’s me, Carl Spackler over at Bushwood
Country Club. You know, assistant head
greens keeper.
Ron: Carl Spackler everyone.
Mild applause from the crowd.
Carl: Yeah, I wanted to talk about how our borders
get invaded from North every year and how this invasion is intruding on the
freedom of freedom loving Americans everywhere.
Ron: Uh, invasion from the North, I don’t follow
you.
Carl: Oh yeah, I’m talking about the big ones. Yes, those big fat Canada geese fly south
every year and they land on my golf course and they eat the grass and they poop
all over the place until you can’t make a 3 foot putt without rolling the ball
through goose poop.
Ron: I see.
So, you want someone to stop the geese from coming here and pooping.
Carl: That’s exactly right and I know how we can do
it too. You see we set up these
electronic supersonic sound emitters all along the Northern border. These devices make noises that only geeses
can hear and it scares the crap out of the pooping gooses and they just turn
and fly for home, you know, somewhere in Canada. Problem solved.
Ron: But, if the geese aren’t allowed to fly South
as they have done naturally for millions of years, won’t they freeze and starve
to death in the harsh Canadian winter?
We don’t really want to murder millions of Canada geese, do we?
Carl: Uh, I hadn’t thought about that. Well, maybe the Queen of Canada can provide
some goose shelters with heat for the geeses in winter.
A woman
speaks up from the growing crowd.
Martha
Stewart: You know I have a lovely recipe
for Glazed Christmas
Goose. I believe in America some time
ago we used to eat goose often but somehow we got away from goose and turned to
chicken and turkey. I think if America
could return to the good old goose eating days, that would help with the poop
problem.
Ron: Well, I doubt that Americans will actually
eat enough geese to rectify this situation.
Martha: Well, I was only trying to help and I’ll be
inside the Home Depot if anyone wants some personal gardening tips from Martha
Stewart.
Ron: That’s it!
Carl: What’s it?
Ron: I have a brilliant idea for you. See,
you take that wheelbarrow and your shovel and you collect up all the goose poop
on the greens and you fill up your dump truck with goose poop and then you take
it to the area farmers and you sell it to them as fertilizer. It’s a win-win-win situation!
Carl: You mean, I could sell the poop?
Carl: Tons, I guess.
Ron: Well, even at 10 cents a pound you could make
a lot of extra cash. And no geese get
harmed in the process.
Carl: So I could get paid for shoveling shit. Hey!
That is a great idea. Everyone
let’s hear it for Ron Burgundy and his goose poop plan.
The crowd
had grown to about 60 people by now and they applaud enthusiastically.
Carl: (very loudly)
My man Ron Burgundy, he’s, he’s got my vote.
The applause
gets louder with some hoots and whistles.
The Only
Wendy Shade has been watching all this in amazement. She approaches Ron.
Ron: (quietly)
Wendy, what just happened?
Wendy: (quietly)
I don’t know but, keep it up, you’re doing great!
The Burgundy Campaign is really hot
now. It’s gaining momentum like a giant
ball of goose poop rolling downhill.
Will anything slow Ron Down?
Keep looking here for your Burgundy
Campaign updates right up to election day.
The goose poop plan. So simple yet so brilliant. I'm voting for Ron too. It's because of his hair though.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous Silly Sunday. ☺
Hair is as good a reason as any in PC America. Maybe Burgundy & Trump will hook up. "We Shall Overcomb".
DeleteHave a Silly Sunday
LOL had me lmao and also at that name Carl Spackler, love the comparison to a giant ball of goose poop LOL
ReplyDeleteHave a campaigntastic week :-)
Thank you. Ron Burgundy is killing two birds with one stone. Wait! No birds were harmed in the writing of this story.
DeleteHave a great day.
Heeheehee! Yep, he can think on the fly, that's the kind of candidate we need!
ReplyDeletePlease do not kill birds with stones.
DeleteThanks for visiting.
He makes more sense than any of the real politicians. :) Thanks for sharing our post on #FridayFrivolity. I hope you will party with us again.
ReplyDeleteThank you for allowing me to share the Ron Burgundy campaign.
DeleteJust wanted to let you know, I chose you as my feature post this week.
DeleteThank you. That's so nice.
DeleteHi Agent 54,
ReplyDeleteIt was great to see you at my site today.
I loved the Anchorman movies. The leads are so funny.
Thanks for bringing your post to the Blogger's Pit Stop last week.
Janice, Pit Stop Crew
Thank you for reading. BPS is great.
DeleteFinally a choice that I could proudly vote for. :) Thanks for sharing at the #ThisIsHowWeRoll Link Party.
ReplyDeleteRon thanks you for your support and I thank you for playing again.
DeleteHe seems like a politician I could get behind. 😊
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up to #fridayfrivolity!
Ron thanks you for your support.
DeleteI stand with Ron!
ReplyDeleteHe is a fine leader.
DeleteThanks for visiting.
I'd vote for Ron! Let's get him back on the campaign trail for the next election ;)
ReplyDeleteBurgundy 2020!
DeleteThank you for volunteering.
Ron's hair reminds me of a parent of one of the children that I used to child mind, for that reason he has my vote #WOW@_karendenbid199@gmail is
ReplyDeleteGreat hair shows you care. Thanks for visiting.
Delete