Agent 54 is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. Agent 54 works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. Agent 54 reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Spacing Out, part II, He's baaack
Agent 54 here again. Well, Ron Burgundy has conceded the Presidential race. It was a great race for Ron. Let's take a look back at the fun we had on the campaign trail. I know many of Ron Burgundy’s supporters have
been worried about campaign volunteer Tim. Spacing Out
I can assure you through inside
NSA information that he will be just fine.
Let’s catch up with the campaign at a rest stop somewhere in Nevada.
Scene: Everyone is off the bus and milling about the
rest stop. The bus and surrounding area
have been thoroughly searched but, still no Tim. Ron Burgundy has his arm around The Only
Wendy Shade who is sobbing quietly.
Ron: It’s going to be fine. I’m sure he’ll walk up any moment just like he did at the Little A'Le'Inn.
Wendy: What if he doesn’t? What if he’s out there all alone?
Ron: Well, he’s a man’s man and a former
Marine. He would probably just start a
fire, make a camp site out of rocks, tackle a coyote and have himself a nice
barbecue until the sun came up.
A flash of
green lightning appears to come from inside the campaign bus in an
instant. Ron was the only one facing the
bus at the time.
Green Goblins! What was that?!?
Ron: Didn’t you see it? The whole bus was a glow with a magical green
Wendy: Don’t mess with me Ron, I’m not in the mood.
Ron: I’ve got to check it out. Somebody give me a sword and a flashlight.
Wendy: Yeah right, Tim was the only one with a
flashlight. Ron, I think it’s time to
call the Highway Patrol.
Ron: First I have to check out the bus and if I
must go it alone then I must go alone.
Wendy: Fine! Hurry
all of his stealthy skills, carefully approaches the open bus door. Moving like an 18th degree Ninja,
he enters the bus. Hands raised in
perfect position to karate chop anything that might appear, Ron makes his way
to the curtains that divide the bus. Ron
pops through the curtains in attack position.
Tim! What the poop? Where you been man?
A groggy Tim
attempts to make sense of his world and reply.
Tim: Oh, hey Ron, what’s up boss?
Ron: What’s up?
We’re all up all night looking for you.
Ron and has made her way on to the bus.
She pops through the curtains.
Tim: Hey Wendy, what’s up?
Timhard in the face.
Tim: Well, I’m awake now. Was that necessary?
on Tim and hugs him tightly as she sobs.
Wendy: Don’t ever do that again.
Tim: Uh, okay uh, do what again?
up and heads for the front of the bus.
Ron: Where were you man? We looked everywhere. You got a secret hiding spot on the bus?
Tim: Uh, I’ve been right here since the Little
A'Le'Inn. Man, did I sleep good.
everyone is back on the bus. The other
volunteers have a look of bewilderment on their faces as they take their seats.
Howard: So, Tim ole buddy, you want to
tell us where you’ve been for the past hour and half?
Tim: What’s going on here? I took a nap like everyone else and I wake up
to a bunch of nutballs asking we weird questions. I still don’t know why Wendy slapped me.
Howard: She slapped you because she was happy to see
over but, is restrained by his seatbelt.
He still manages to punch Howard in the arm fairly hard.
Tim: Yeah, I’m glad to see you too. Who’s next?
Maureen: Come on bro, what really happened?
Tim: I don’t know!
I got on the bus and took a nap and I slept great. I dreamt of Bacon Cheeseburgers and Sugar
Plum Fairies, if you know what I mean.
through the curtains again and attempts to get the campaign to refocus.
Everyone present and accounted for.
Driver, let’s get the hell out of this damn state. Tim, take my laptop. Since you were the only one who got any sleep
lately you can finish Ron’s Opening Statement for the next Town Hall meeting
and Don’t disappear with that computer!
Tim: Can I use the bathroom before we get going?
Wendy: I guess, Howard you go with him. Make sure he doesn’t disappear again.
Howard: Why me?
Wendy: Just do
it! The rest of you get some sleep.
We have a long day planned for tomorrow.
Howard get back from the bathroom and take their seats without anyone or
anything disappearing. The bus starts to
Joe B.: Hey Tim, welcome back buddy.
Tim: Yeah, uh, welcome back to you too.
Howard: (quietly) So Tim, you really dreamt of Cheeseburgers?
Tim: (whispering) Bacon Cheeseburgers and they were
everywhere and the bacon was that apple wood smoked bacon that I love and the,
heh, heh, the Sugar Plum Fairies were like the ones we saw in Las Vegas last
Up in the
front of the bus. Ron looks at Wendy.
Wendy: Shut up and find that bottle of Grey Goose.
Ron: Yes Dear.
Well, it looks like the Burgundy
Campaign is back on track. Agent 54
sure is glad that nothing really happened to Tim,,, or did it?