Spacing Out

  Agent 54 here again.  Well, Ron Burgundy has conceded the race to President Donald Trump.  It was a great race for Ron.  Let's take a look back at the fun we had on the campaign trail. 

  I really love these weekly updates on the Burgundy Campaign.   The ups and downs of campaigning are so intriguing.  Let’s catch up with the campaign bus, rolling down the Extraterrestrial Highway towards Rachel Nevada as night approaches.  This will be fun. 

Ron Burgundy:  There it is the Little A”Le” Inn only 24 miles right up the Extraterrestrial Highway.

Howard:  Cool.

The Only Wendy Shade:  How did I let you guys talk me into this bullshit?

Ron:  It’s not bullshit my dear.  When I’m President I’m going to release all the Government information on all secret space alien stuff that’s been going on at Area 51 for so many years now.

Wendy:  Great!  I’ll come visit you at the Presidential funny farm.

Howard:  You know you don’t have to believe any of this stuff to have fun with it. It’s like Halloween.

Wendy:   Halloween for nutjobs.  Wake me when we get there.

The campaign staff is now seated inside the Little A”Le” Inn and is finishing a meal of burgers, fries and sodas or coffee in green faced space alien mugs.

Ron:  Coffee just tastes better out of a green alien’s head.

Wendy:  If you say so.

Howard:  Hey guys, have you seen Tim? 

Wendy:  No, not for a while.  I asked everyone to stick together so we could get back on the road on time.

Ron:  You know how his IBS is.  He’s probably in the men’s room. 

Wendy:  Howard can you go check the men’s room?

Howard:  Why me?  I mean, you know what Tim can do to an enclosed space.

Wendy:  Fine! I’ll do it!

Howard:  No, no I got it.  Just give me one of those space alien car air fresheners to take with me.

Howard comes back from the men’s room apparently unharmed.

Howard:  No Tim.  Just a huge biker dude who was almost as bad.

Wendy: (to the whole group)  Everyone outside to look for Tim.  Howard you check the bus.

The campaign staff are all outside in the night calling for Tim.  There is a strange small light dancing about the clouds for a short time and then it disappears.

Ron:  What was that?

Howard:  What was what?

Ron:  That light in the sky?  Didn’t you see it, man.

Wendy:  Ron, this is no time to be seeing weird stuff.  Just find,,,

Tim:  Hey Wendy, we ready to go?

Wendy:  Tim! Where the hell have you been?

Tim:  Just back down there in the crevasse back a bit.  You know I have IBS problems and the bathroom was full and the bus was locked so,,,

Ron:  I saw lights in the sky.

Tim:  Yeah, I have my tactical flashlight.  You know there are bats out there. You can see them with the flashlight.

Wendy:  Bats! Everybody on the bus! I can’t wait to get the hell out of here.  Tim! You can’t wander off like that.

Tim:  Yes dear.

Wendy:  I’ll yes dear ya. (she smacks him upside the head with a menu from the Little A”Le” Inn as he boards the bus.)

An hour down the road Ron wakes up in his seat with a moderate amount of drool running down the side of his mouth.  Wendy is in her seat across the aisle working on her laptop computer.

Wendy:  Have a nice nap there sleeping beauty?

Ron:   Huh, dokgfth, uh, yeah, fine.  What ya working on?

Wendy:  Oh, it’s your opening remarks for your next town hall meeting and I’m kinda stuck on this one part.  You know, Tim’s a pretty good writer, go back there and wake him up.  Why am I the only one working this time of night.  Go get him for me.

Ron:  Yes dear.

Wendy:  Knock it off.

Ron goes back through the curtains to where volunteers Maureen, John, Howard and Joe are all asleep in their seats.  No Tim.  Ron goes to the back of the bus and knocks on the door of the restroom there. 

Ron:  Tim, you in there?  (knocking) Tim!

Ron opens the door but, nobody is in the restroom. 

Ron:  (shouting)  Tim!

Wendy charges through the curtains.  Everyone is awake now.

Wendy:  Ron, where’s Tim?

Ron:  I do not know.  (to the volunteers) Hey you guys, where’s Tim?

Maureen:  We don’t know. We were sleeping.  He was in his seat last I saw him.

Howard:  Look! His seatbelt is still buckled.

Wendy:  Look Tim, you better not be pulling something on me or I’m gonna kick your butt.

Everyone is searching the bus but, no Tim.

Wendy (to Ron) This isn’t funny anymore.  I’ve never lost anyone on a campaign before.

Ron:  It will be okay.  I’m sure there is a logical explanation.  I don’t know what it is but, I’m sure it’s there.  Maybe he ran off with that biker chick we saw at the Little A”Le” Inn. 

Wendy:  No way.  He would have had to walk by my seat and we haven’t stopped.  I’m getting worried.  We have to stop and call the highway patrol.

Ron:  Calm down now.  Let’s stop at the next rest area and figure this thing out.  Driver, next rest area please.

To be continued………

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