Agent 54 here
again. I had to do a follow-up spying
session on Max, one of our Zombie actor friends who happens to be “reading” for
the leading man roll in a Hollywood movie.
You may remember that Max is tired of playing the traditional Zombie
rolls that he has been typecast for just because he is a Zombie. Let’s see how it goes for Max.

Director: Next!
Max shuffles
into the room . He’s obviously a Zombie
though he’s in his best suit and has his hair neatly slicked back. The mixed smell of Old Spice and rotting flesh
follows him into the room. Max puts his
hand out to shake the Director’s hand.
Director: (ignoring Max’s outstretched hand) Have a
seat. (looking at Max’s resume and Head
shot) Max, it says here you have worked on 26 pictures. What kind of rolls have you played?
Max: (slowly sitting uncomfortably) Well, Uh, you
know, Zombies.
Director: I see.
You know this picture is about a man running for president. So, you want to be the first Zombie
Presidential Candidate?
Max: Well, technically, Al Gore ran for President
in 2000.
![]() |
Al Gore |
Director: Oh yes, I had forgotten. Why do you think you are leading man
material?
Max: Well, I’m a very professional actor with a
lot of experience. I’m tall and good looking, you know, for a Zombie. I’m well-spoken and,,,
Director: (interrupting Max and scrunching his nose) Wait!
What the hell is that smell?
Writer: Ooww, it stinks like fromunda cheese!
Assistant: It’s the Zombie, sir!
Director: Max is that you?
Max: Uh, well, I tried to mask the smell with Old
Spice. Um, I’m sure it won’t affect the
movie. You can’t smell motion pictures.
Director: Thank you Max, that will be all, NEXT!
Scene: A dark and dirty bar in a nasty section of
LA. Max is at the bar in his suit with
his Zombie buddies Allan and Brad.
Allan: Hey, I told you so.
Brad: Oh com’on Allan. Give the man a break! At least he tried to better himself. What have you done to better yourself lately?
Allan: I didn’t go make a fool of myself trying to
get a job I had no business trying for.
Brad: Nice! Kick your friend when he’s down. Well, I’m proud of Max.
Max: (starring into his Bloody Mary) Allan’s right. It was foolish for me to expect anything to
change for us. We’ll never be accepted.
Zombie Tommy
bursts into the bar.
Tommy: Hey guys!
They’re casting for “Zombienado”!
Tommy: Didn’t ya hear? They’re making a movie that’s a blend between
Zombies and Sharknado. You get it don’t ya? You know, we’re all doing our Zombie thing
and then the Sharknado comes and the Sharks eat us. I know, the Sharks are the heroes but, what
the hell? It’s work and they’re
hiring a hundred of us.
Max: (sarcastically) Great.
Allan: I’m gonna do it. I got bills to pay.
Brad to
Max: Com’on buddy. Let’s do it.
The work will take your mind off your troubles.
Max: Yeah, ain’t got nothing better to do and
besides, I always wanted to be fish food.
Brad: Pull your head out of your ass and let’s get
going. I gotta get a new head shot.
The three
Zombies rise and start to shuffle out of the bar.
Allan: Yeah, here we go, payin dues again.
Max and Brad
look at each other.
Max and Brad
together: Brains, brains, moan, groan.
Allan: Damn comedians.
What does this story tell us about
the bias of the Hollywood Liberal Elite?
Probably, not much.
My favorite part: Max: Well, technically, Al Gore ran for President in 2000.. I laughed out loud.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
Thank you for always supporting me.
DeleteHave a great week!
I enjoyed this blog Agent 54! See zombies just want to be like everyone else. They too have hopes & dreams.
ReplyDeleteYes, Zombies deserve a break too.
DeleteThanks for playing again.
Zombienade could be the one that wins that golden globe! Hope their auditions go well! thanks for sharing with #sharethejoylinky
ReplyDeleteThank you for visiting. Glad you liked it.
DeleteHe's definitely got a point with Al Gore! Thanks for sharing with us at The Blogger's Pit stop!
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed my little joke. Thanks for visiting.
DeleteThis reminds me of a Jon Ronson thing where Arab (or Arab looking) actors only get to play terrorists and there's a rift where some won't do it as it's perpetuating racism and some do it but only if they get to have some big acting moment where they're seen as 3D characters, not sterotypes....maybe the Zombies need to take that stand too?
ReplyDeleteYes they do. Thanks for visiting.
Delete