Agent 54 : Is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. He works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. He reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
Sunday, July 19, 2015
NSA Annual Company Picnic
here again to share my report on our Annual company picnic at the NSA under the
DORD. As you may have guessed, the picnic was held
in a secret picnic location. The Oldies Band, Clowns and Ponies all had to be blindfolded
and sworn to secrecy before being helicoptered in for the day. Other than that it was more or less your
average company picnic with just a few more eccentric personalities. Of course all activities and conversations in
the area were recorded. Here’s how some
of those conversations went.
Scene: In a beautiful open space of a National Park
somewhere in America there’s a large open sided tent, under which is a band in
one corner and a Black Jack table with a dealer dressed in 1800s costume in another. In the middle is a large grilling station
where typical picnic fare is being cooked.
There are various game stations around the tent along with a face
painting station for the kids. Outside some cowboys and cowgirls are leading the kids around on the backs of the ponies. The atmosphere is festive. Agent 54 is seated at a table with a couple of
54: Who’s that guy?
Rambo: I dunno.
Gadget: (standing at table) That my
friends, is El Guapo.
Idol: El whato?
Gadget: They call him El Guapo and he
just started this week. He used to be in
construction, specializing in excavations.
He’s in the Spanish department.
conversation is interrupted by the sound of loud, psychotic, evil laughter
coming from the Black Jack table.
Joker: Ha Ha Ha, I win again! He He He,
you can’t beat me!
Idol: Wow, Joker’s having a ball. He don’t seem to care that he’s just winning
Rambo: Yeah, he’s having a blast cuz he
thinks he’s cheating and getting away with it.
54: What do you think will happen when
he figures out the dealer is giving everybody 21 by dealing from the bottom of
Rambo: I dunno but, I ain’t getting in
the middle of it.
Billy Idol: Hey, what the hell is that? (pointing to 3 short yellow beings wearing
blue overalls and safety goggles.
Gadget: Those are Minions. Those little guys work their butts off, uh if
they have butts.
Rambo: Them little yellow guys look like
they come from some Banana Republic.
Gadget: Take it easy Rambo. I’ve never heard them say anything
political. Actually I’ve never heard
them say anything I’ve understood but, look how cute they are. Why they wouldn’t harm a fly.
Billy Idol: They look drunk to me.
burst of psychotic, evil laughter comes from the Black Jack table.
Joker: Ho ho I’ve done it again. Ha ha look!
An Ace and a Ten!
Progressive Insurance walks up to the table.
Flo: What’s so funny?
Rambo: It’s Joker, he thinks he’s
Flo: Uh,,he does know that game is rigged,,doesn’t
Idol: Yeah right, you gonna tell him?
Rambo: Send them yellow Onions to tell him.
Gadget: That’s Minions. The little yellow guys,, that is, I think
they’re guys, are Minions.
Flo: C’mon Billy let’s go.
Idol and Flo start to leave Agent 54 asks a stupid question.
54: Hey, you guys cutting out early?
Idol: Yeah, we’re gonna hang out with
Miley Cyrus tonight.
54: Whoa, Miley Cyrus? Dude use a condom.
Flo: We will, got a new box in the limo.
of stunned silence goes by before Flo speaks again.
You know that Miley goes both ways.
winks at us and leaves with his arm around Flo.
As they get out of the tent, John Rambo adds his words of wisdom.
Rambo: Hey! Don’t do anything I
would,,or should,,uh,,,hey, don’t do anything!
looks at a Rambo with a confused
Rambo: Well, I don’t know what to say.
54: I’m gonna go take a pony ride.
Wow, I really had a lot of fun seeing my old
friends away from the office and getting
to know some of my new co-workers. Now,
I can’t wait for this year’s NSA under the DORD Christmas Party. Happy Trails! Weird Day at the NSA My Job as a Super Snooper