Agent 54 : NSA Annual Company Picnic

Agent 54 here again to share my report on our Annual company picnic at the NSA under the DORD. As you may have guessed, the picnic was held in a secret picnic location. The Oldies Band, Clowns and Ponies all had to be blindfolded and sworn to secrecy before being helicoptered in for the day. Other than that it was more or less your average company picnic with just a few more eccentric personalities. Of course all activities and conversations in the area were recorded. Here’s how some of those conversations went.

Scene: In a beautiful open space of a National Park somewhere in America there’s a large open sided tent, under which is a band in one corner and a Black Jack table with a dealer dressed in 1800s costume in another. In the middle is a large grilling station where typical picnic fare is being cooked. There are various game stations around the tent along with a face painting station for the kids. Outside some cowboys and cowgirls are leading the kids around on the backs of the ponies. The atmosphere is festive. Agent 54 is seated at a table with a couple of his buddies.

Agent 54: Who’s that guy?

El Guapo

John Rambo: I dunno.

Inspector Gadget: (standing at table) That my friends, is El Guapo.

Billy Idol: El whato?

Inspector Gadget: They call him El Guapo and he just started this week. He used to be in construction, specializing in excavations. He’s in the Spanish department.

The conversation is interrupted by the sound of loud, psychotic, evil laughter coming from the Black Jack table.

The Joker: Ha Ha Ha, I win again! He He He, you can’t beat me!

Billy Idol: Wow, Joker’s having a ball. He don’t seem to care that he’s just winning play money.

John Rambo: Yeah, he’s having a blast cuz he thinks he’s cheating and getting away with it.

Agent 54: What do you think will happen when he figures out the dealer is giving everybody 21 by dealing from the bottom of the deck?

John Rambo: I dunno but, I ain’t getting in the middle of it.

Minions

Billy Idol: Hey, what the hell is that? (pointing to 3 short yellow beings wearing blue overalls and safety goggles.

Inspector Gadget: Those are Minions. Those little guys work their butts off, uh if they have butts.

John Rambo: Them little yellow guys look like they come from some Banana Republic.

Inspector Gadget: Take it easy Rambo. I’ve never heard them say anything political. Actually I’ve never heard them say anything I’ve understood but, look how cute they are. Why they wouldn’t harm a fly.

Billy Idol: They look drunk to me.

Agent 54: Huh?

Another burst of psychotic, evil laughter comes from the Black Jack table.

The Joker: Ho ho I’ve done it again. Ha ha look! An Ace and a Ten!

Flo

Flo from Progressive Insurance walks up to the table.

Flo: What’s so funny?

John Rambo: It’s Joker, he thinks he’s winning.

Flo: Uh,,he does know that game is rigged,,doesn’t he?

Billy Idol: Yeah right, you gonna tell him?

Rambo: Send them yellow Onions to tell him.

Inspector Gadget: That’s Minions. The little yellow guys,, that is, I think they’re guys, are Minions.

Flo: C’mon Billy let’s go.

As Billy Idol and Flo start to leave Agent 54 asks a stupid question.

Agent 54: Hey, you guys cutting out early?

Billy Idol: Yeah, we’re gonna hang out with Miley Cyrus tonight.

Agent 54: Whoa, Miley Cyrus? Dude use a condom.

Flo: We will, got a new box in the limo.

Miley Cyrus

10 seconds of stunned silence goes by before Flo speaks again.

Flo: What? You know that Miley goes both ways.

Billy Idol winks at us and leaves with his arm around Flo. As they get out of the tent, John Rambo adds his words of wisdom.

John Rambo: Hey! Don’t do anything I would,,or should,,uh,,,hey, don’t do anything!

Agent 54 looks at a Rambo with a confused expression.

John Rambo: Well, I don’t know what to say.

Agent 54: I’m gonna go take a pony ride.

Wow, I really had a lot of fun seeing my old friends away from the office and getting to know some of my new co-workers. Now, I can’t wait for this year’s NSA under the DORD Christmas Party. Happy Trails!

Weird Day at the NSA

My Job as a Super Snooper

NSA Petting Zoo