Burgundy Campaign Visits Sedona

  Agent 54 here again.  Well, Ron Burgundy has conceded the race to President Elect Donald Trump.  It was a great race for Ron.  Let's take a look back at the fun we had on the campaign trail. 

  We at the NSA are “under orders” to keep the Ron Burgundy Campaign under close scrutiny.   We have to know where Ron is at all times.  Today Ron’s campaign bus rolled into Sedona Arizona.   I wonder what kind of whackos and weirdoes he’ll encounter there.  Let’s see:

  Scene:  Ron Burgundy and his campaign staff have just finished lunch and the Cowboy Club and they are walking towards the campaign bus.

Ron:  (to campaign Chairman The Only Wendy Shade)  Great Oden’s Raven, those Bison burgers are good.

Wendy:  Oh yeah, especially when you get it really rare.

Ron:  That’s right you like your meat mooing.  Do Bison moo?

Wendy:  I believe Bison bark.

Finance Director/Spiritual Adviser Howard joins the conversation.

Howard:  I think Bison grunt, well it depends, you know anything will bark when you stick it with an electric cattle prod.

Ron:  Howard, you know I asked you to leave the cattle prod at home.

Howard:  I did leave it home.  I’m just sayin.

Ron:  Because you know what happened last time.  We don’t have that kind of bail money with us on this trip.

Stopping next to the campaign bus, Wendy tries to take charge of the conversation.

Wendy:  Boys, Let’s go over this afternoon’s agenda.  First we are going to find Melinda Leslie at the Center for the New Age so she can tell Ron about her “UFO” experience.

Ron:  Yeah, she met a real space alien.

Wendy:  Yeah, sure she did.

Howard:  You know as your Spiritual Adviser I’d advise you Ron, not to say that out loud.

Ron:  What?  Everyone knows that UFOs come to Sedona all the time.

Wendy:  Whatever!  Can we get back to the schedule now?

Ron:  And, how about that Vortex.  I felt it.  Didn’t you feel a tingle in your legs?

Wendy:  I felt a pain in my ass.  Ron!, after the psycho alien lady, you have to go the Chapel of the Holy Cross and get a picture taken with the pastor.

Howard:  And you need to pray for campaign guidance there.

Ron:  Great, come all the way to Sedona to get stuck in church.

Howard and Wendy together:  RON!

Ron:  Hey, that’s Cher!

Wendy:  No its not, now let’s get,,,

Howard: (interrupting) I think that was Cher.

Ron:  Yeah, it was and she went into that little shop. Let’s go say hello to Cher.

Wendy:  Ron, no, we have a campaign,,,

Ron starts jogging toward the little shop.  Howard is caught in the middle. (should I stay or should I go?)

Ron:  I’m just going to say hello. Be back in 2 minutes.

Wendy: (grinding her teeth) Fine!  I’ll be on the bus when you want to get back to the campaign, children.

Cher

Ron pops into the little shop to see Cher casually shopping.

Ron:  Cher, I thought it was you.

Cher:  Oh, hi, please no autographs, I just want to do a little shopping by myself.

Ron:  Oh, I’m not a fan.  I mean, uh I’m a fan but, I don’t want your autograph.

Cher:  Gee thanks!

Ron:  No, what I meant is that uh, well, I’m Ron Burgundy and I’m running for President of the United States of America.

Howard comes through the door.

Howard:  It was Cher!  Or, uh it is Cher.  Uh hi Cher.

Cher:  (to Ron) Is he a friend of yours?

Ron:  Yes, actually he’s my Finance Director/Spiritual Adviser.

Cher:  That explains it.  So, what the heck is a Presidential candidate doing in Sedona Arizona?

Ron:  Well, we’re trying to get to know the American people and let them know me.  We’re having a blast learning about all the different cultures and people and what they do, how they work and how they celebrate and live life.

Cher:  Wow, that actually sounds pretty cool.

Ron:  Oh yeah, well I’m a pretty cool guy, uh candidate.

Cher:  Yeah, and you’re a pretty cute guy and your hair is a work of art.  You know I have some friends in the Sinagua tribe and they are having a ceremonial dance tonight.  Why don’t I pick you up around 10:00.  I’ll take you to a place where you can really learn about the people of America before it ever was America.

Ron:  Really?  I’d love to.  That was 10pm, right?

Cher:  Yeah, uh, 10pm.  Where can I pick you up?

Ron:  I’ll be on the campaign bus parked right out there.  It’s a big ole campaign bus with flags and my picture on it.  You can’t miss it.  Great Caesar’s Ghost! My Campaign Chairman, Wendy is going kill me.  I’ve got to get back to the campaign.

Ron hurries to the door and has to push a mesmerized Howard through it.

Ron: (over his shoulder) It was nice to meet you Cher.  See you at 10.

Cher:  (softly with a grin)  Well alright there Mr. Presidential Candidate.  Nice to meet you too.

How about that.  Ron Burgundy has a date with Cher in Sedona.  Who would have thunk it?  Wow, Cher could become the First Lady.  God Bless America!

Burgundy Campaign Bus Breakdown