Dog Days of Summer

Underdog

  Agent 54 here again.  I got to listen in on what was supposed to be some kind of organizational meeting of some unique Americans.  The meeting didn’t really go very well and I don’t know if much was accomplished.  Here’s my report.

Scene:  A nice hotel suite that is set up like a corporate board room with a long table and eight chairs.  There is an easel with a flowchart near the head of the table.  In a near by in a corner is Sweet Polly Purebred with a stenography machine.  She’s obviously recording the minutes of the meeting.  Underdog stands at the head of the table as the other attendees meet, greet find their seats. 

Underdog:  Everybody please settle down and take your seats. I’d like to get this meeting started.

As the attendees take their seats it becomes clear that everyone in the room belongs to the canine species.

Snoopy

Snoopy:   Say, what’s this meeting all about?

Lassie:  Yeah, I don’t even know why I’m here. You know I have to get back to keeping an eye on Timmy or he’ll fall down a well or something.

Scooby-Doo:   RhI’m rhhungry! 

Underdog:   Okay, now that we’re all seated, we can begin.  I asked you all to come here because something needs to be done.  As you know, Cats currently dominate this planet and that is just plain wrong.

Huckleberry Hound:   (in a slow southern drawl)  That’s right, they do dominate and that’s not very nice.

Rin Tin Tin:   If I had my way, there’d be no cats on this planet.  I hate ‘em.

Lassie & Timmy

Huckleberry Hound

Underdog:   Take it easy.  I’m not trying to start an inter-species war.  I just wanted to see if we could organize our efforts to rebuild our standing as “man’s best friend”.

Snoop Dogg:   War!  Man, I ain’t up for no war.  I could go for a couple Tacos right now, ain’t that right, Scooby!

Scooby-Doo:   Rhat’s rhhight!

Underdog:   C’mon everybody let’s focus.  There’ll be no war and no food until after our business is done so let’s concentrate.

Odie:   Kibbles & Bits, Kibbles & Bits!  Hey! I don’t want to go to war with my buddy Garfield.

Snoop Dogg:   Shiiiit!  Man, Odie, Garfield ain’t your friend you freakin idiot.

Underdog:   Hey, hey everybody!  Nobody’s talking about war and let’s be civil to each other.  Remember we want respect from mankind again.

A siren from a firetruck interrupts the meeting and most of the dogs jump up, knocking over their chairs, to run to the open balcony.  Leaning over the rail, with their fore paws on it, they strain to watch the truck go by, leaving only Snoop Dogg, Huckleberry Hound and Underdog at the table.

Snoop Dogg

Snoop Dogg:   Man, chasin firetrucks don’t make no sense to me.

Huckleberry Hound:   Exactly, once you’ve caught one, the thrill is gone.

Snoop Dogg looks over his shades and down his snout at Huckleberry Hound.

Snoop Dogg:   Huh?  Dog, you didn’t catch no firetruck!

Huckleberry Hound:   I most certainly did. In my youth I was quite an athlete.

Underdog:   Yo!  C’mon everybody.  I’m trying to hold a meeting.

The dogs take a few minutes to get resettled around the table.

Underdog:   Sweet Polly, where were we?

Sweet Polly:   Snoop Dogg said Shiiiit!

Sweet Polly Purebred

Rin Tin Tin

Underdog:   (interrupting)  No, no, after that.

Sweet Polly:   You said “Remember we want respect from mankind again.”

Underdog:   Yes, yes exactly.  Now, for how many years have we been pulling man’s dog sleds (Canadian Limos), sniffing their luggage at the airport and leading them around when they can’t see.  We’ve been working too hard for too many years with too little respect.  Look what Michael Vick had us doing and look at the NFL.  They have 4 teams named after cats but, none named after dogs.

Rin Tin Tin:   I thought the Cleveland Browns were named after dogs?

Scooby-Doo:   Rhat’s rhhight!

Odie:   I don’t think so.  The Browns are named after coach Paul Bear Brown.

Lassie:   So, they’re named after a Brown Bear?

Huckleberry Hound:   Paul Bear Bryant coached Alabama. Roll Tide!

Scooby Doo

Underdog:   Dogs, dogs, we’re getting off the point.

The door to the room suddenly opens and we see Chester Cheetah standing in the doorway.  He tosses a tennis ball into the room that bounces once and goes over the balcony railing.  The same dogs that chased the firetruck jump up to chase the tennis ball and leap over the rail after it.  They all fall 5 stories into the Hotel swimming pool, splashing and terrifying all the swimmers there who scream and run in a panic.  Rin Tin Tin comes away with the ball.

Rin Tin Tin:   (doggy paddling in the pool with tennis ball in his mouth) I got it!

Up in the Hotel room, Chester Cheetah speaks to the stunned dogs that remain.

Chester Cheetah:   Looks like this meeting is adjourned.

With a victorious and devious laugh Chester runs down the hall at 60mph and is gone.

After a few stunned seconds of silence, a dog speaks.

Huckleberry Hound:   Well Mr. Underdog, thank you for inviting me to your lovely meeting.  Good night.

Chester Cheetah

After Huckleberry leaves, we hear from other dogs in the room.

Snoop Dogg:   Man, that’s one strange dog.  I gotta get some of what he’s smoking.

Sweet Polly:   So does this mean the meeting is over?

Underdog and Snoop Dog both look at Polly with their heads half-cocked and puzzled looks on their faces.

Wow, what a meeting!  It may not have gone as planned but, I think they meant well.  I’ll have to keep an eye on this pack.