Agent 54 is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. Agent 54 works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. Agent 54 reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
Sunday, November 8, 2015
The Warrior’s Studio, with Blitzed Wolfer Vol. II
Agent 54 here again. I’m very excited to bring you the second
episode of Blitzed Wolfer’s new interview series, The Warrior’s Studio. Once again we will be learning the deepest
darkest secrets of combatants from all over the Universe. Here’s my report from the (CAN) Cable Ass
Wolfer: Welcome everyone to the second
installment of my new series, The Warrior’s Studio. Today’s guest is Darrik Orangpants of the
Orangpants clan on the forest moon of Endor.
Audience: Polite applause for Darrik Orangpants.
Darrik: (in low dark voice) Uhg, thank you.
Blitzed: So, you live on the same moon of Endor as the
Darrik: Yeah, so what! That’s all anyone wants to talk about is those
stupid midget Teddy bears. They get all
the attention! The Universe was a better
place when we used to eat those stupid things.
Blitzed and the whole audience gasp
Blitzed: You, you can’t mean that.
Darrik: Uh, no, I guess not. You know The Empire was in charge back then
and things sucked.
Blitzed: No, I mean, well, you never really did eat
those adorable little Ewoks, did you?
Darrik: Well, no, not me personally. That was before my time but, I was told
stories of whole Orangpants family, oh yeah Blintzed, we’re a family, not a
Blitzed: (visibly shaken) Uh, yes, a family. Let’s skip the stories of Thanksgiving on
Endor, shall we. Tell us about how you
battled The Empire.
Darrik: Yeah, well, you see this wrench I have for a
right hand? Well, some of us have
wrenches and some have screwdrivers and so we would sneak out late at night and
go find The Empire’s road signs and traffic signals and we’d loosen up the
screws and bolts and change them around so the newbies would get lost when
trying to report to base in the morning.
Blitzed: Uh, that’s vandalism.
Darrik: Hell yeah it is! And the Orangpants family is
the best in the Universe at it.
Blitzed: Uh, what was the effect on The Empire.
Darrik: Well, you know. They’d have to stop and ask for directions or
make a phone call. Ha ha ha.
Blitzed: Well, that doesn’t really seem like you’re
doing much to defeat The Empire by simply getting them temporarily lost.
What the heck did you do to fight Darth Vader? Boar him with that stupid interview of Carl
Splat? You know, after I saw that, I
almost cancelled this whole stupid thing.
Blitzed: I apologize.
Please tell us more about your cla uh family.
How many Orangpants are there?
Darrik: I dunno.
Too many! My stupid brother-in
law, Lite Orangpants had to move in with us when my sister, Bernt Orangpants
dumped him for running around with Tangereen Orangpants.
Blitzed: I see.
So, what do you do for a living now that The Empire has been defeated on
Darrik: I work part-time under the table at a bicycle
and speeder repair shop but, mostly I collect a nice disability check from the
Rebel Alliance. You know the Doctor says
I got PTSD or some shit. War is hell.
Blitzed: You got PTSD from rearranging road signs?
Darrik: (jumping up from his chair) Hey! Those were Darth Vader’s damn signs! You Hollywood knuckleheads don’t have a clue. You live in Fantasyland!
Blitzed: I’m sorry, I apologize. Please sit down.
I’m outta here but, first I’m gonna raid that mini fridge in the green
room. Oh yeah don’t bother asking me to
come back and don’t bother looking for the nuts & bolts on the mini fridge
Blitzed: Uh, well, I guess we’re out of time on The
Warrior’s Studio. Thank you for
watching and I really, really hope to see you next time. (whispering under his
breath) If there is a next time.
was that!Blitzed is doing a fine job of
exploring the depths of minds of these brave warriors.I can hardly wait to see who he interviews