Agent 54 : Is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. He works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. He reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
Sunday, January 17, 2016
The Warrior’s Studio, with Blitzed Wolfer Vol. III
AJ "Buckehead" Smith
Agent 54 here again. I’m very uh, happy and somewhat surprised to
bring you the third episode of Blitzed Wolfer’s new interview series, The
Warrior’s Studio. As you may have
noticed, it’s not going real well yet but, Blitzed Wolfer is hoping it’s just
the learning curve. Here’s my latest
report from the (CAN) Cable Ass Network studio.
Wolfer: Welcome everyone to the third
episode of The Warrior’s Studio.
I’m Blitzed Wolfer and today’s guest is AJ “Buckethead” Smith who has worked
as a Radioman on several Rebel Alliance ships.
Audience: Polite applause for “Buckethead”.
Buckethead: Thanks Blitzed but, I’m not a Radioman. I’m a Level 3 Communications Expert. On the ship were referred to as Commie 3s.
Blitzed: Oh, Commie 3s? Why don’t you then wear a Red helmet? (chuckling).
Buckethead: Uh, I hope this is not supposed to be a
Blitzed: No, I apologize, I don’t know what’s gotten
in to me. Please tell me what ship are
you currently serving on?
Buckethead: Yeah, I’ve worked my way up to the MC80 Home
One Type Star Cruiser named “Bob”.
Bob is so big that I don’t think they’re even done building it yet. It has as many people on it as a small moon.
Blitzed: But, why Bob?
Who was Bob?
Buckethead: Bob was probably a guy named Robert.
Blitzed: That would make sense. Let’s move on. Tell me why you’re still wearing that
magnificent helmet with the antennae even though you’re off duty.
Buckethead: It is magnificent isn’t it. Really puts the Bucket in ole “Buckethead”. I just love wearing it. In fact I don’t ever take it off.
Buckethead: Nah, with all the great electronic scanning
devices build in, I can listen to anything in the Universe with this hat on.
What do you like to listen to?
Buckethead: Cubs games.
Let’s go Cubbies!
Blitzed: You mean the Chicago Cubs? Aren’t they the baseball team that hasn’t won
in over a 100 years.
Buckethead: Back off there Blitzed! They’re my favorite and besides, any team can
have a bad Century or so.
Blitzed: Okay but, you never take that helmet
off? I mean, don’t you have to wash it? Wouldn’t you like to shampoo your hair?
Buckethead: How do you know I have any hair?
Blitzed: But, just for hygiene purposes, I mean your
face is looking a little green and your eyes are kinda red.
Buckethead: Yeah, well I just thought I’d smoke a doobie
to relax before coming in here. Hey
don’t you want to know more about my job as a Warrior for the Rebel Alliance?
Blitzed: In a minute but, I think my audience would
like to see you without the helmet.
Buckethead: Yeah, well too bad. The helmet stays on.
to the audience) Don’t you want to see
“Buckethead” without his bucket?
Audience: (the half that are still awake, kinda moan
and groan) Mmmfm.
Buckethead: Blitzed, let me guess, you’re not the ratings
leader in this time slot, are you?
Blitzed: Uh, no, far from it. So, what exactly do you do aboard “Bob”?
Buckethead: Okay, now we’re getting back on track. I listen to the non-coded communications of
the people on the ships of the Empire.
Blitzed: Non-coded messages? Don’t you listen to secret
Buckethead: Nah, that’s what the Commie 5s and above do.
Blitzed: So, what does the enemy say in their
Buckethead: Well, they mostly order a lot of Pizzas. A lot of Pizzas. Sometimes
they switch it up and call Jimmy John’s but, most of the time, Pizzas.
Blitzed: Fascinating, so what have you learned about
the Empire by listening to them?
Buckethead: The Empire loves Pepperoni.
What else do they talk about?
Buckethead: Sports betting. A lot of them bet against the Cubs. I hate those rich bastards.
Blitzed: Yes, don’t we all. Well, that’s all the time we have on The
Warrior’s Studio for today. Join us
next week for another inside look at our Intergalactic Warriors.
That was the best of the series so far.
I guess we might have figured that the Empire was fueled by Pepperoni.
To Cubs fans everywhere, may the
force be with you. Congratulations to Cubs fans everywhere. The Cubs are World Series Champions!