I jumped out
of bed at 3am this morning in a minor
frenzy because I felt compelled to tell the world my thoughts on Goats.
I know what
you and your friends from your local snark tank are thinking. You’re thinking “goats?, who cares about
goats?”. Exactly! Goats have a sneaky, nefarious and undue
influence on mankind and most of us aren’t
even aware of it. It’s time to examine the mysteries and motives
of these barnyard “animals”.
The next time you are in a petting zoo, take a close look at a Goat. You’ll see that their eyes are too far apart
and they look like a shark’s eyes and they have horns. Would you trust a person that looked like
this? Indeed Goats look like they were made
by Lucifer and are certainly not one of God’s creations. Why do they have horns anyway and what about
Goat’s milk and Goat Cheese? Don’t Cows
already produce enough high quality dairy products? Why is Goat Cheese more expensive and where
does that extra revenue go? Do these
facts add up to some kind of sinister plot?
Let us continue the examination.
In sports
you can often become a “Goat” or a “Hero” in the course of one play in one
game. Bill Buckner of the Boston Red Sox and Chicago Cubs is the perfect
example of this. As you may know, Buckner was an All-star
player at times in his long career but forever became a Goat to Red Sox Nation
when he misplayed one crucial ground ball in the 1986 World Series. Of course everyone knows the tale of The Curse of Billy the Goat. It seems that the owner of the
Billy Goat Tavern in Chicago was kicked out of a Cubs game because the pet goat
he brought was stinking up the joint. Goat
owner Billy Sianis cursed the Cubs and they have been a joke of Major League
Baseball ever since. Is it a coincidence
that Bill Buckner once played for the Cubs?
I don’t think so.
What about Goat behavior? Some people keep them because they are
natural lawn mowers but, truth is they will eat almost anything. Why do Goats scream like escaped lunatics for
Insurance company TV commercials? What
are they telling us there? Have you seen
the You Tube videos showing “Goat Tipping”?
No, it’s not giving a tip to a bad waiter. That’s “Donkey tipping”. It’s actually easy for humans to startle Goats
and cause them to faint and fall over on their side. Goat Tipping is fun for the whole family and
it’s much safer than cow tipping but, it makes me wonder what is the motivation
behind this strange behavior?
Most of us humans have been subconsciously
influence by Goats and we don’t even realize it. I myself have been sporting a Goatee beard and
rooting for the Minnesota Vikings, because they have horns, since I was 8 years
old. I have even glued a pair of horns to an Arizona Cardinals hat and taken
my one and only selfie while wearing my horns.
What else but, overdue Goat influence could possibly explain this
strangeness? Is it some kind of bovine-human
Conspiracy?
Why did Jim Breuer play “Goat Boy”
on TVs Saturday Night Live program? Could it be dismissed as just bad programming by a lousy network and a
mediocre comedian? ,,,Or was it,,,Goat influence?
You be the judge.
In conclusion, I want you to
think twice about what you’re doing before you buy a pigmy Goat for the kids or sit
around a campfire at night making s’mores and telling Goat stories. Ask yourself why you chose to have a pet Goat? What, aren’t Cats and Penguins cute enough? What compelled you to make that decision? Is there something sinister going on between
Goats and the Human Race? I say, stay
vigilant my friends and never ever ever trust a Goat.
Congratulations to Cubs fans everywhere.
Cubs are World Series Champions!
Everything you wanted to know about goats, but were afraid to ask. Bwahahahahahahaha.
ReplyDeleteHave a goattastic day. ☺
Yes, from an old goat himself.
DeleteHave a great week.
I know a few old goats :-)
ReplyDeleteLOL @ Whatever floats your goat.
Have a goateetastic week :-)
Thank you for visiting my petting zoo.
DeleteAre you being completely serious in this? Or are you joking the whole time?
ReplyDeleteI feel honored that you read my essay and yet sad at the same time.
DeleteThank you for visiting my petting zoo.
While traveling in Africa, I was once asked to buy a goat to celebrate the birth of a child I did not even know. That act would make me an honorary godparent. I am so delighted that you shared this hilarious riff on goats at the Healthy Happy Green Natural Party! I'm Pinning and sharing this!
ReplyDeleteSo, does this little essay make me an honorary Goatparent?
DeleteThank you for visiting my petting zoo.
Never get near a male goat, either. They stink!
ReplyDeleteThere are two types of people, those that trust goats and those that eat them.
DeleteThanks for visiting my petting zoo.
Down here In Texas to be told to move your goat smelling ass someplace else ain't exactly considered a high praise but is considered proper etiquette to have you remove yourself from the scene.
ReplyDeleteThere's a reason they don't make "Goat Spice" aftershave.
DeleteAngels are the halos, devils are the horns. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJ-QLl5qjLg
ReplyDeleteThank you for visiting and sharing.
Delete♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
ReplyDelete♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday Dear Tim,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday to you.♪♪
Gracias para ti. I've goofing off, learning Spanish and not writing for a while now. I may be writing something soon. Thanks for being a fan.
ReplyDeleteYes goats. Often wondered about them... Oxfam sell goats for charity, I bought one for my dad for Christmas once. #weekendblogshare
ReplyDeleteYes, a goat can make a nice Christmas feast.
DeleteThanks for playing.
I have never ever contemplated any animal to this degree! We love goats in our house and often feed them at the petting farm. The boy goats smell though. How funny! Thanks for joining the #weekendblogshare
ReplyDeleteSometimes you just have to sit and think and other times things pop in my head in the middle of the night.
DeleteThanks for playing.
I learned something new, I had never heard the term goat used in sports. Thanks for sharing your link with us at Creatively Crafty #CCBG http://tryit-likeit.com/link-it.
ReplyDeleteWe learn something new everyday if we are not careful.
DeleteThanks for playing.
I love goats and have jokingly suggested to my husband if we had some, he would never have to mow the lawn. I can see why there would be cause for concern. They do look like little demons.....funny post, Agent 54. Maybe I should put them under surveillance.
ReplyDeleteYes, you do want to keep an eye on your Goats.
DeleteThanks for all your support and comments.
Are you for real? If so I need a bit of what you are having. #globalblogging
ReplyDeleteThat is a great question.
DeleteThanks for playing.
Hahaha this post literally had me laughing out loud. I often wonder about goats milk, it's such a strange alternative but I think it's slowly integrating into mainstream milk drinking, I'm scared. Great hat by the way #goatinfluence. Thanks for sharing with #GlobalBlogging!
ReplyDeleteGlad to make you laugh but remember, never trust a goat.
DeleteThanks for playing.
Haha! Never realized we've been so influenced in our lives by goats! Thanks for sharing on The Blogger's Pit Stop! Roseann from www.thisautoimmunelife.com
ReplyDeleteYes we are. Remember that Tinfoil hats do not work against Goats.
DeleteThanks for playing.
I rather like watching goats. I live in an agricultural area and don't need to go to a petting zoo to see them. Most organic farms and some wineries keep them off to the side somewhere to produce organic fertilizer. Goats are cute when young and intelligent all the time. One of the first picture books I ever read was Can-Can, a story about a little billy goat who saw a billboard that convinced him he should try eating a tin can like the goat on the billboard was doing. I must have read that book about seventy years ago.
ReplyDeleteThere are about 15 goats on the property here where I live. People come from all over to let their kids feed them table scraps and vegetables. People love goats for some reason.
DeleteThanks for visiting.