Agent 54 is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. Agent 54 works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. Agent 54 reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
Sunday, June 19, 2016
BSers Union Meeting
Agent 54 here
again. I was required to attend a very
important BSers (Brotherhood of Secret Electronically Recorded Surveillances)
Union, Local Chapter 1099, meeting for my job at the NSA under the DORD. Oye Vay!
Here’s my report.
union hall with hundreds of audience seats and small stage with a podium and 6
chairs flanking it on each side. There
are many flags behind the podium and chairs and a portrait of the union
President is hanging above center stage.
As the union members are milling about and filling the seats, Inspector
Gadget takes the podium.
Alright everybody, settle down. I
want to get this meeting started on time.
Flo walks up
to the podium from the side of the stage.
She is wearing her official BSers Union jacket with the official seal on
she’s walking) Com’on Inspector Gadget, you know I’m the head of
our local. This is my meeting. Git!
Gadget off the stage.
Flo: Alright everybody,
we get enough BS doing our jobs so I want to cut the crap and get right to the
results of the election of this year’s negotiating team for the BSers Local
1099. Okay, let’s settle down and get to
union members politely applauds and settles down. Agent 54 is seated next to John Rambo in the
middle of the audience.
Agent 54 (to John Rambo): I sure hope I was elected to the team.
Rambo (to Agent 54):
Me too. I hope they didn’t elect
a bunch of butt-kissers like last year.
I’m going to read the list of winners.
As I call your name, come join me on the stage and take a seat. Here we go.
As Flo reads
the names there are various cheers and even some jeers and the room gets noisy. As Flo goes on the jeering gets louder. When Flo is done Agent 54 and Rambo have
looks of stunned disappointment on their faces.
What the hell!
the hell! Who the heck voted for them
Agent 54: I
demand a recount! Can I demand a
recount? What the hell?
I dunno. What the hell can we do?
Agent 54: How
are those knuckleheads going to negotiate?
I mean, the language
barrier alone is a reason to vote for someone else,
I mean El Guapo is going to be a real problem on that team.
Well actually, I was thinking of the Minions. I mean, what the hell language do they speak
there’s that and you know I love Billy Idol but, com’on.
Right! Who’s going to keep Billy
sober for the negotiations?
Gadget startles us by suddenly appearing next to us.
Take it easy boys. This election
was rigged from the start. Why else do
you think I’m not up there.
could think of a few reasons.
Wait! What the hell? You mean you knew who was going to win before
we voted? (Stuttering with anger) An, an, and why would someone rig it to have
the phreaking Geico Gecko on the team? Tha, tha, that don’t make no sense!
Believe me boys, there’s no one on that team that wasn’t hand-picked by
the union President.
startles us again by suddenly appearing.
Well, I knew there was something fishy when I saw Charlie Tuna up on the
At the sight
of the Joker, Agent 54 grabs his head because a painful memory of a previous
team building “accident” just came rushing back to him.
Boys, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll forget this election and
just support the negotiating team,
Gadget gets up and walks away and The Joker is gone too. A stunned Agent 54 turns to Rambo.
What the hell just happened?
think we was just sent a message.
Agent 54: What
the hell are we going to do.
this “we” crap? I’m going to keep my
mouth shut and go with the flow.
us again by appearing out of nowhere.
good advice. You best take it, Agent
54. Com’on, let me buy you a Dr. Pepper.
Yeah uh, I guess, Uh, alright,
uh, go team go.
Agent 54 lost another one. Oh well,
there’s always next year. Just got to
figure out who’s butt to kiss. “Go team