Sunday, August 14, 2016

Flight Lines


  Agent 54 here again.  I recently had to fly across country for personal reasons and so I thought there might be some humor I could write about in the whole air travel process, but I was wrong.


  Well, I thought I was wrong until one of the voices in my head, Bob, corrected me.  Bye the way, Bob is the voice that I sent looking for that comedy idea I had lost in 2013 (Voices).  I hadn’t named Bob at that point and he received some emotional injuries then but, Bob has made a full recovery and I know everyone is grateful for that.

  So, three of the voices in my head and I are sitting here drinking coffee and discussing domestic air travel.  You know Bob so, let me introduce Stu and John,  Stu is the annoying voice that stutters and John is stoic and has a very subtle, dry sense of humor.  Sometimes I think John doesn’t even know he’s being funny.

  We all seem to agree about the best airline joke but the problem is that it is a visual joke.  Bob is insisting I include it so, here goes nothing.

  185 stewardesses walk into a bar and the bartender says “Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t serve stewardesses in here and the exits are here (pointing to the exits on either side of the bar with both hands like a flight attendant does on the pre-flight check-list) and here.”

Bob:  See!  It works great!  You know if you listen to me more often you’d be making money on this blog.  I mean big bucks!

Stu;  Ye, ye, ye yeah.  Li li li listen to B, B, Bob.

Agent 54:  What the heck are you talking about?  How can you say it works when I’m not even finished writing this yet?

John:  Correct, Agent 54.  The audience must decide if the joke works.  As an audience member, I think it sucks.

Agent 54;  John, you’re supposed to be a participant in this.  Not an audience member.

John:  I’m going to deny having anything to do with this project if you include that joke.

Bob:  Who are you going to deny it to?  You been talking to other people’s voices in their heads?  Huh?  You cheatin on Agent 54?

Stu:  Ch, ch, ch cheater!

(John turns his nose up, crosses his legs and stares out a window into my subconscious.)

Agent 54:  Shut up, Stu.  How is that even possible?  Com’on guys.  We’re supposed to be writing something funny for my fans.

Bob:  Fans?  That’s a bit generous, don’t ya think.

Stu:  F, f, f, fart joke fans.

Agent 54:  Nothing wrong with a good fart joke.  Let’s explore that some more.

Bob:  Okay, let me ask you, Agent 54.  Did you fart on the airplane?

Agent 54:  Yes, yes I did.  Every single one, every time I fly.

Stu:  O, o, o, okay?

(10 seconds of silence)

John:  You guys are morons.  May I be excused?


Agent 54:  No!  Are you for real?  Where the hell are you going to anyway?

Bob:  Told ya, he’s cheatin on ya.

Stu:  Ch, ch, ch cheater!

Agent 54:  Guys!  Com’on!  We’re getting nowhere.

Stu:  O, o, o, okay, h, h, h, how about this.  A, a, a, airline food makes you f, f, f, fart.

Bob:  That’s a fact Stupy boy, not a joke.

John:  Agent 54’s farts are smarter than this whole conversation.

Bob and Stu make fart noises:  ththththththththththffarttttttt.

Agent 54:  Alright, that’s all I can take.  Why don’t you guys go learn to speak Spanish or something. 

John:  Finally!  Adios.

Bob:  Feliz burrito!  Thththththfartttttt.

Stu:  O, o, o, ole!  Th, th, th, thththfartttttt. 



  



So, it turns out that I was right from the start.  There is nothing funny about flying across country.

Voices

Group Session

56 comments:

  1. I agree with you, but reading this was funny.

    Have a fabulous Silly Sunday. ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for flying Agent 54 Airways.

      Delete
  2. Flying is scary, reading about the voices in your head talking about flying is funny. Have a blessed and beautiful Sunday, no matter how many of you there are!

    ReplyDelete
  3. LMAO @ Agent 54’s farts are smarter than this whole conversation.

    Have a fartfreetastic evening :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nobody ever admits it but, somebody cut the cheese on that flight.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  4. Haha. This is too funny. I was a flight attendant, but can't say I miss it!

    ReplyDelete
  5. LOL! This is a fun read! It's true, airline food DOES make you fart! Thththfartttttt!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes it does but, how did Stu know?

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  6. Lol. No matter how old you are, farts are always funny. Although I am secretly hoping never to be seated next to you on an airplane.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish you good luck with that.

      Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  7. The perfect post to be linked with a linky called #fartglitter! Thanks for the giggle (because yes - farts are always funny) and for linking up!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I fit right in with that linky.

      Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  8. This is so inspiring! I love the post:)

    irenethayer.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad to inspire you but, I don't know to what.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  9. I love the way you shared this post sometimes the best ways to deal with something scary is to have a bit of fun thanks for doing just that
    come see us at http://shopannies.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you.

      Please come back early and often.

      Delete
  10. I liked this depiction of the "voices in your head." I guess all of us writers who have characters have voices in our heads or maybe these guys are your muses? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, muses, yeah that's it.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  11. Great post! Thanks for sharing on Wordless Wednesday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you.

      Please come back early and often.

      Delete
  12. I need to sit next to you on a flight. I always get lumped with the ones who talk about plane crashes! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll let you know the next time I schedule a flight.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  13. What is it about men and fart jokes? My husband is almost 60 and he stills tells them (and farts...and yeah, I laugh).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know but, it works and therefore, there will be more.

      Thanks for visiting again. You are always welcome.

      Delete
  14. Ah, the fart joke. So much (air) mileage in them ;) #fridayfrolics

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, if they're done right.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  15. I love flying but agree, it's not often very funny. Annoying more like! Thanks for joining the #weekendblogshare

    ReplyDelete
  16. Love your background!! Of course, you knew I would!!
    I'm not into fart jokes, but up untill that point, I enjoyed the convo tremendously!!
    I have voices in my head too. But, I haven't named them.
    I wonder if they know Stu, John, and Bob??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I wonder if John has been cheating on me with some of your voices. Let me know if you hear something.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  17. And I like this. Thanks for visiting my blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My pleasure.

      Hope to make you laugh again. I did make you laugh, didn't I?

      Delete
  18. Haha, I don't mind flying, but have become a tad more nervous in recent times. This was a funny read though. Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have to take a flight together sometime.

      Thanks for allowing me to share.

      Delete
  19. Very funny and I love the fart jokes the child in me lolThanks for linking to the #binkylinky come back next week please

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you like fart jokes.

      Thanks for playing and inviting me to share again.

      Delete
  20. I thought you'd write about how to piss people off on a plane. Thanks for sharing with us at Creatively Crafty Link Party #CCBG http://tryit-likeit.com/link-party-it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry, the voices kinda took over that whole post.

      Thanks for allowing me to share.

      Delete
  21. Hi Timothy, you have me rolling over here! I wish my voices where as funny as yours. Mine scare me lol Thanks for sharing with us at #SimplifyWednesdays Pinned, Tweeted, Shared
    xo,
    Carla a.k.a Mrs. R @ SimplifyLifeWithMrsR.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Be careful, don't hurt yourself.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  22. Hi Agent 54,
    And I thought I was the only one who had voices in my head. I hadn't actually named them, but one if my good side and one is my bad side. Angel and Devil, would that work for names?
    Thanks for bringing your post to Blogger’s Pit Stop last week.
    Janice, Pit Stop Crew

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm really enjoying sharing with BPS. Good responses.

      Thanks for allowing me to share.

      Delete
  23. Hi (Is it Tim? Timothy?)
    I loved your post. Refreshing to know we all hear voices in our heads! You won the Blogger's Pit Stop Linky party with this! Congratulations! You will be featured this Friday. You reassured us and with humor.
    Janice

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tim is fine. Thanks for sharing my silliness.

      Delete
  24. Yes, flying not funny, but everyone should have a voice in their head called Bob - that's always funny!

    Thanks so much for joining #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bob is the man,,, or uh the voice.

      Thanks for allowing me to share.

      Delete
  25. Haha this is too good!! Soo funny!! Thank you for sharing on #FlyAwayFriday and can't wait to read the next one!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for laughing. You did laugh didn't you?

      Delete
  26. Haha wow what a unique entry for #FlyAwayFriday - I loved it! I definitely laughed! Thank you so much for sharing, can't wait to see what you'll share with us tomorrow! xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad you enjoyed this. I live to make people laugh.

      Thanks for allowing me to share.

      Delete
  27. I must stay clear of the food when I fly on Saturday! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉

    ReplyDelete
  28. You can't go wrong with a good fart joke!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have to say that is true. Of course United Airlines has made flying more interesting but, not really funny.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete