Agent 54 is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. Agent 54 works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. Agent 54 reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Groundhog Day and the Department of Redundancy Department
Agent 54 here again. There have been rumors going around the DORD
that there could be budget cuts coming. At
the same time the very symbol of the DORD, the noble Groundhog, is facing the
threat of extinction on golf courses everywhere. This is doubly disturbing for me because less
funding and the loss of the Groundhog mean less laughter and that makes the
world a less funny place and nobody needs that in 2020 or ever.
Just like how Bill Murray’s comedy career needed two movies
co-starring the lovable rodent, the world needs to double down on the humor my
NSA under the DORD and Groundhogs provide. Who else will “dig up the dirt” on the Ron
Burgundy Campaign for President? What else
would truck drivers order at diners other than “Groundhog Parmigiana” in an
attempt to make waitresses laugh?
I understand that some people have a problem
with my NSA spying on innocent American citizens whether they’re living or dead
or fictional. I know golfers get angry
when their balls go down a Groundhog hole or they break an ankle stepping in
one. I believe that is a small price to
pay for the hilarious humor we provide.
Just think of the joy the millions of readers of this blog get on a
daily basis. I know some of you are in
stitches right now. You’re welcome.
Some people think the DORD is a waste of taxpayer
dollars. I know many just think of
Groundhogs as roadkill cuisine. I
challenge you people to open your minds to giving the humor of the NSA and
Groundhogs the respect that Agent 54 and Bill Murray deserve.
So, for the sake of worldwide levity, I’m
calling on you for action now. I want
you to support Politicians around the globe who promise to double the funding
for the NSA under the DORD and create a second Groundhog Day on August 2nd
annually to honor Spies and Groundhogs for humor’s sake.
Let’s put a smile on the faces of
Spies and Groundhogs everywhere.