Agent 54 : Is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. He works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. He reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
here again. While I was carelessly
watching football and baseball on my TV, I noticed some Shifting Alliances that
made me curious. When I brought these
concerns up with my wife, she made me feel like I was the only one in the world
who cared or even noticed these things.
Is that true? Am I alone? Do I need psychotherapy? Let me explain before you answer these
questions or before you send the guys in the white jump suits with the big
butterfly nets and strait jackets again.
I have long
thought it was very odd that The General of General Car Insurance ran around
with a Penguin for a pal. Though
Penguins are an up and coming species and may someday challenge Cats for WorldDomination of this puny planet, my thoughts were “What the heck do Penguins
have to do with Car Insurance”? Penguins
don’t drive. In fact, Penguins come from
the South Pole. Most of them have never
even seen a car and they certainly don’t buy Insurance. I’m sure there are damn few of them that
could even hold a job. Why a Penguin?
The mystery deepened
as I began to notice that The General did not treat the Penguin very well. For years The General used the Penguin for a
prop and never let him speak or fed him.
Then I saw The General driving his snazzy red Corvette without his usual
buddy the Penguin in the passenger seat.
Did anyone else notice the sounds of kicking coming from the trunk of the
Corvette? I don’t care if The General
had to clean Penguin poop from the passenger seat, locking him in the trunk was
just plain wrong and I have a good mind to call PETA on his ass.
Shaq & The General
thing you know, Shaquille O’Neal (Shaq) is riding shotgun with the General and
has speaking parts in his advertisements.
It appears that The General had thrown the Penguin under the red
Corvette. I do like Shaq because he
knows from funny but, he’s no Penguin and he should have had more respect than
to break-up the General-Penguin team.
start to cry for the Penguin, let me tell you the good news. In the most important and accurate article
The New York Times has ever published, it was announced that the Penguin had
landed a new gig as Winnie the Pooh’s new buddy and had even been given a cool
new name, “Winter”. There’s no word yet about
the question of is “Winter” going to get a speaking part in his new roll or if eventually
Pooh-bear (he is a bear, you know) will eat the penguin (a stunt penguin, of
course). Never the less, I was happy
that the Penguin landed on his happy feet and I wish him well.
Winnie the Pooh & Winter
usual, my examination of this subject has left me with more questions than
answers like: If the 7’1” tall former
NBA MVP, Shaq is mistreated by The General, will Shaq stuff him into his own
helmet and punt him off the Santa Monica pier into the middle of the Pacific
Ocean? Will Winnie the Pooh’s new buddy,
Winter convince the bear to become a vegetarian? Is the New York Times good for anything other
than Penguin cage liner? And finally,
does anyone other than me give a crap?
humbly here again. I’m honored to have
been nominated for a Liebster award by Chocolat Lover of the Not Meatloaf
Again! Blog. http://notmeatloafagain.blogspot.com/
Chocolat Lover always reads and comments
on my new posts and you know how we bloggers crave that support.
blog for years now is Sandee’s Comedy Plus. https://comedyplus.blogspot.com/ Sandee runs weekly features like Awww
Mondays, Wordless Wednesday, Feline Friday and my favorite, Silly Sunday. I like to time my new posts to first publish
on Sunday morning so I can link to Silly Sunday. I have been introduced to many other blogs
and bloggers there and I enjoy reading those silly jokes and trying to support
the other bloggers with witty comments. I
do sometimes drop in on Feline Friday to check out the cat pictures but I don’t
usually contribute because I don’t have any cats. I like cats, especially served with beans and
guacamole. I’m sorry. Bad old joke. I wouldn’t eat your cat. Maybe a stray cat but, not your cat.
So, now that
you know more than you ever wanted to know about me, it’s time to answer
Chocolat Lover’s 10 questions for me.
This should be fun.
favorite chocolate bar has to be Snickers.
The very name means little laughter and I have craved them since my
have Green Eyes and according to Ancient Alien theory that means I may have
been abducted by Space Aliens. That
would explain a lot.
really do like cats and don’t like dogs.
I will pretend I like your dog if I like you.
don’t drink alcohol and I prefer to leave my mess at Taco Bell which makes them
pretty upset when I get my food from Jack-in- a- Box.
one. My favorite bands include Led Zeppelin,
The Rolling Stones, The Who, The Moody Blues, Nirvana and The Beatles. I have to say Paul McCartney is my favorite
describes me best.
may sound sick but, the smell of old Hockey gear is my favorite. I played Ice Hockey for 19 years and that
smell always meant a lot of fun. I miss playing Hockey.
morning coffee cup is from a set of dishes my wife has. It’s white with apples and grapes painted on
my side and a pear and grapes on your side.
It has the usual V shape but, with a twist to it like when you were making
it, you were turning the top and leaving the bottom set as it cooled.
boy, I collect many things. I have a metal detector so I collect coins,
jewelry, marbles, balls, beads, Legos, fishing lures, magnets and other things
that I put in old Yankee candle jars and call art. I like colorful things.
wearing Gold Toe brand white athletic socks.
Nothing like good socks.
I have to bend
the rules a bit and nominate Joe Hagy of the Cranky Old Man blog http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/ Cranky
is another Silly Sunday blogger and his Stupid Headlines crack me up.
Tim Clark of the
Life Explained blog http://tim-thingsastheyare.blogspot.com/ is one of my
new favorites. I think Tim and his buddy
Jesse Zahrt are running for office,,,or is that running away from office? I
all I got for now for nominations so here are they’re 10 questions.
or Sprinkles? 2.Do
you trust Goats?
you been abducted by Space Aliens too?
the heck do you blog?
you ever ordered a bucket of chicken all beaks and feet? Why not?
fish know they are wet?
was the last book you read?
you use Duct Tape?
10.Do you know from funny?
I want to give a special shout out to Susan
Leighton of the https://womanontheledgeblog.wordpress.com/Woman on the Ledge blog. Susan has been reading and supporting me by commenting on all my older posts. Turns out that we have tread the same ground
in several different parts of the country.
I really do appreciate Susan.
here again.My best friend, Howard tells
this worn out old joke that goes:If
attacked by a group of clowns, go for the Jugular,Yeah, I apologize.
likes clowns but the one good thing you can say about all clowns is that they
are not mimes. There are good clowns and
there are bad clowns and there are Main Stream Media clowns. Unfortunately, bad clowns have recently become
topical. However, to lighten the
situation, I’ve decided to rate my all-time favorite clowns. See if you agree with my choices.
1. Ronald McDonald : Probably
the best known clown, worldwide and generation to generation. Everyone knows Ronald and associates him with
eating delicious and nearly poisonous food.
Ron is rich enough to have me killed for saying what I just said. Update 10/12/16: Due to the current "Bad Clown" public relations situation, Ronald McDonald has agreed not to have me killed for this post. Praise be to Odin.
Freddie the Freeloader
2.Bozo: I don’t really understand why but, as a kid
I used to love to watch Bozo the Clown on early morning TV. I don’t remember him being funny, except for
his huge red hairdo but, I couldn’t wait to see him. Later people used his name to describe people
who were screw-ups. I don’t remember
Bozo screwing anything up but, he must have been the king.
in the Box or just Jack: Another restaurateur,
I like Jack’s TV commercials. They’re
almost funny enough to forgive him for the horrible Tacos his restaurants sell.
the Freeloader: Freddie was a character
played by great, old-time comedian Red Skelton who seemed like a one- time high
society type who was just a bit down on his luck. Freddie was charming and everyone liked him
but that same cigar he smoked for 40+ years stunk.
Joker: The joker was my favorite bad and
scary clown until he let me drop on my head during a Team Building exercise at
my NSA under the DORD. Never trust
anyone with a 40 year criminal record.
Lying Brian Williams
Williams: Williams was a newscaster on
a large TV Network who always thought way too much of himself. Brian would twist and fabricate stories and
then feed them to the public as the truth.
Once the public caught on to Brian Williams and realized that he was so
full of bullshit he could fertilize all the farms in all 57 states, his name
became synonymous with lies and deception.
Appropriately, Williams wound up doing comedy at MSNBC where he still
spreads the bull like it’s going out of style.
So, that’s my list. Are some of your favorites on there too. Let me know who’s on your list of favorite
clowns and remember to always leave’em laughing.
here again.I don’t know why we at the
NSA under the DORD have Earl’s Undead Diner, located just outside Pasadena, bugged
but, what the heck, I’m getting paid to listen.Saturday, our old zombie buddies from the movie business met there for lunch.Here’s my report:
Undead Diner looks like a typical East Coast diner that has been abandoned for
a couple of decades. It’s dirty and dark
and there is Spanish Moss covering much of the exterior. Inside you can hear Rob Zombie playing on the
juke box. The smell is better than you
would think. Kind of a mixture of a nice
Italian tomato sauce and rotting flesh.
There are about two dozen patrons including a few Zombies and Werewolves
but, it’s too early in the day for Vampires.
Most of the crowd are regular people dressed up like Zombies or Werewolves
or Vampires or Smelly Pirate Hookers.
Tis the season.
waitress who was quite good looking, when she was alive, arrives at table 4
where zombies Allan, Max and Brad are seated.
Hey boys, the usual?
Naw, you got any of that Brainloaf that Jerry’s wife makes for ya?
Yeah, she just dropped 10 more off on Thursday. Everyone here want the loaf?
that’s right, guys?
Zombies Allan and Max nod in approval.
Brainloafs and 3 Bloody Marys coming up.
As the waitress shuffles away, Max speaks up.
Look at those posers over there.
If they only has a clue about what being a real zombie is all about.
I hate them tourists.
Oh com’on guys. You know, if it
weren’t for them, this place would be closed.
Whatever! So, have you heard
anything about work?
Brad: I’m on
it. My buddy Ziggy is supposed to have
some info for me later this week.
What? That ain’t much to go
on. I ain’t been paid since my second
week on that Zombienado fiasco. That was
the stupidest idea ever!
right! Nobody got paid. I had high hopes for that project. I was thinking we might make 2 or 3 sequels
for that piece of crap.
Brad: Yeah, I
know that Zombienado failure was a real drag.
say. Them Producers were a bunch of
morons. I mean, who makes a bunch a stinkin
sharks the heroes of a movie? Don’t make
no damn sense.
this is Hollywood we’re talking about.
It makes no sense that Vin Diesel has a career but, he’s rich enough to
buy all three of us ten times over.
Right! I gave up on trying to
make sense. Now I just want to make
the hell happened to them damn Producers anyway? We ever gonna get paid? If we don’t get paid, they’d better throw
them bums in jail.
Brad: I heard
they left town. Skipped the country is
what I was told.
Max: You know
I heard that too. I had a fantasy where
they were all fleeing to Mexico in a small motorboat that was attacked by Giant
Squids and they all got ate.
Brad: Giant Producer
eating Squid. Hmmm. You know, Hollywood just might go for
something like that.
really think so? I mean they don’t have
to be Producers. They could be Directors
or Agents or Politicians or other criminals too. You know, I could sit down and write something
up for this idea. You wanna help?
you go again with your big stupid dreams.
You guys been smoking too much uh yur medical marijuana.
Brad and Max together: Brains, brains, moan, groan.