Sunday, November 27, 2016

The Warrior’s Studio, with Blitzed Wolfer Vol. VI

Leonard Vader
  Agent 54 here again.  I have really enjoyed Blitzed Wolfer’s series of interviews with his intergalactic warrior guests.  Let’s check out the latest episode.

Blitzed Wolfer:  Thank you for joining me today for The Warrior’s Studio.  Can you believe it’s our 6th show?  Ah, where does the time go?  This week we have Leonard Vader of The Evil Empire for you.

Audience:  Mild mix of boos and clapping.

Leonard Vader:  High Blitzed.  It’s good to be here.

Blitzed:  So, I understand that you are related to Darth Vader himself.  What’s that like?

Leonard:  Oh, it’s pretty cool.  Uncle Darth is pretty busy most of the time but, we still find time to watch NFL football games together sometimes.

Blitzed:  Really.  Fascinating.  Tell us, what is Darth Vader’s favorite team?

Leonard:  It’s the Oakland Raiders of course. 

Blitzed:  I should have known.  So, I have heard that you work for your uncle.

Darth and Leonard at Raiders Game
Leonard:  That’s right.  I’m in the Empire’s Public Relations department.  By the way Blitzed, you introduced me as being of The Evil Empire.  We prefer just The Empire.  We don’t see ourselves as evil.  Sure we’re firm but, I think we’ve been misunderstood and poorly represented in the main stream media.

Blitzed:  Firm?  You guys created a “Death Star” that destroys planets.  That’s more than a bit firm, don’t ya think.

Leonard:  Well, when you are trying to bring order to the chaos of some rebel controlled galaxies, sometimes you have to break a few eggs.  The Empire only destroys worlds for the good of the universe. 

Blitzed:  Uh, you’re right.  I don’t understand you guys at all.

The Emperor
Leonard:  Blitzed, The Emperor has a grand plan and Darth Vader is just helping him implement that plan.  You media guys need to trust in The Emperor.  He’s only thinking of all of us.

Blitzed:  I guess.  I hope he’s not aiming the Death Star at this planet “for my own good”.

Leonard:  Ha ha, of course not, ha ha.

Blitzed:  Okay well, I’ll sleep better now, maybe.  So, let’s get back to you.  As a relative of Darth Vader, how do you use the power of “The Dark Side of The Force” to help you do your job.

Leonard:  There you go again with your labels.  It’s just “The Force” Blitzed and I don’t use it.  No, I just issue press releases and come on shows like this one to get The Emperor’s message of peace and unity out there to everyone.

Blitzed:  So, you don’t have the ability to use “The Force” like your uncle?

Leonard:  Well, I tried it once.  I tried real hard but, it just made my ears ring and my hair fell out.

Blitzed:  Is that why you wear that black helmet?

Death Star
Leonard:  No, the helmet is standard Empire issue for my department.  Did you know Uncle Darth designs all the uniforms himself?  He’s really a talented and nice guy when you get to know him.

Blitzed:  I guess I’ll take your word for it.

Leonard:  Say Blitzed, I have to ask you about all those Empire Pizza boxes in your Green room here.  How did you get your hands on so many of our Pepperoni Pizzas?  You know there’s been a shortage of Pepperoni Pizza due to a rash of EMPEX high-jackings in this quadrant of the galaxy.  I’ll tell ya, stealing Uncle Darth’s pizzas, that’s evil and not very nice.  You wouldn’t know anything about that would you?

Blitzed:  Well, I’m afraid that’s all the time we have today for The Warrior’s Studio.  Thank you for joining us here at CAN, the Cable Ass Network.


14 comments:

  1. You're talking about Hillary Clinton here aren't you. I knew it. Bwahahahahahahahaha.

    Have a fabulous Silly Sunday. ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Any resemblance to other people or politicians, living or dead is purely coincidental. All Rights Reserved.

      Thank you for playing.

      Delete
  2. He didn't steal them, Uncle Darth sent them over to make sure there were some for his beloved nephew. He's that kind of guy, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, yes that must have been it.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  3. of course the empire needs good PR :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, they do.

      Thank you for reading and commenting.

      Delete
  4. I'm pretty sure it's the Kaminoans who create the clones who design their outfit. The clones were made from Jengo Fett's DNA, and it looks like their armor was also modeled after his. Fett's armor was light-saber-proof, but unfortunately for the clones, there's were not, otherwise the good guys may have won the war :(. Then for some forgotten reason (forgotten by me) the Empire mixed in a few other sources of DNA for the cloning process, and they became the Stormtrooper army instead of just the clone army, and their outfits and weapons changed. Their old gear looked way cooler :( ...

    But what if the Emperor didn't like his new army and decided to blow them all up with the Death Star? Inside jobs kill...

    Totally unrelated, but as Agent 67.5 in the SAAAAAS (Secret Agents Against All Awesome and/or Amazing Stuff), I have a very close relationship with birds. One bird told me Google knows too much about computers, and thought it might be helpful for me to know that the CEO of Google is Sundar Pichai. Another bird told me more specifically that it was a Google team of MIT engineers that knows too much about computers. Yet another bird told me that Google has something to do with the Emperor's sleep schedule... Any idea how to connect these dots?

    Awesome post, keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your awesomeness. I will work on Google and Bird problems in the near future after I severe all ties with The Trump Organization.

      Delete
  5. Is Leonard related to Geoff Vader from the Death Star Canteen?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe they are cousins.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  6. Lovely to hear about Uncle Darth and the relatives, but otherwise I'm afraid I've no idea what's going on here :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a family affair.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  7. Ahahahaha I love Star Wars, and this is awesome. :) Thank you for sharing your humor with us at #FridayFrivolity!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for getting it.

      Thanks for allowing me to share.

      Delete