Agent 54 : Is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. He works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. He reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
Sunday, December 4, 2016
The Count and the Re-Count
here again. Well, just when everyone was
wanting to forget the wild and at times, stupid campaign 2016 season, some
idiot decided to keep the madness going.
This sparked a phone call between The Count and the leader of the Greens. Here’s my report on that conversation and situation.
people on the phone couldn’t be more different.
First, there is Green Party Candidate Jill Stein. She “decided” to demand a re-count in the 3
states closely won by Donald Trump in what appears to be a dubious effort to
help Hillary Clinton. Stein received no
percent of the vote herself because, as it turns out, trees can’t vote.
there is The Count of Sesame street fame.
The Count is known for being a snappy dresser and counting everything
from telephone poles to light sockets with the utmost style and accuracy. Some have suggested that The Count enjoys his
job a little too much. Could that be
Here’s the call.
Hello, this is Jill Stein of the Green Party, we’re clean, mean and
Green. How can I help you?
Good evening: I am The Count ha
ha ha. I heard you may be looking for
someone to help you re-count votes. I am
the greatest counter of them all, ha ha ha.
That’s correct. We’re looking for
talented people in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania to help us get the
result we’re looking for, if you know what I mean.
Vundabar! I’m already here in
Transylvania and I can start right away.
Tell me, how much does this re-counting pay? ha ha ha
Oh no, nobody voted in Transylvania. we need the votes re-counted in the
State of Pennsylvania of the USA. Can
you relocate for a while, Mr. Count?
Yes, yes I can relocate, if the “Green count” is right, ha ha ha, and by
“Green count” I mean green-backs, bucks, dollars, moola etc, ha ha ha.
That sounds great. Of course we can pay you handsomely, as long as the
count goes our way, if you know what I mean.
Very well then. I will give you
the most stylish and accurate re-count of the votes the world has ever seen, ha
Uh, I’m not sure you understand, Mr. Count. We’re not looking for accuracy, we already
have that. We’re looking for a certain
outcome. You know what I mean. We’re trying to cheat.
Cheat? You want The Count to come
up with the wrong count? This I cannot
do. For thousands of years I have been
known as the most stylish and accurate counter in the world. I cannot compromise my reputation with an
incorrect calculation, ha ha ha
Well, I can get a chimpanzee to give me an accurate re-count for peanuts.
I’m looking for certifiable results
Madame, I am personally insulted by your offer. No, no I will not be coming to Pennsylvania
to cheat, ha ha ha. Good Evening, (“click”,
he hangs up the phone)
(to herself after the call) Hmmm,
I wonder if chimps can be trained to cheat?
it looks like poor Jill’s misguided efforts to cheat are going to fail. Maybe next time she can get “the woods” vote
out to help her win.