Sunday, December 4, 2016

The Count and the Re-Count

The Count
  Agent 54 here again.  Well, just when everyone was wanting to forget the wild and at times, stupid campaign 2016 season, some idiot decided to keep the madness going.  This sparked a phone call between The Count and the leader of the Greens.  Here’s my report on that conversation and situation.

  The two people on the phone couldn’t be more different.  First, there is Green Party Candidate Jill Stein.  She “decided” to demand a re-count in the 3 states closely won by Donald Trump in what appears to be a dubious effort to help Hillary Clinton.  Stein received no percent of the vote herself because, as it turns out, trees can’t vote.   

 
Jill Stein 
Second, there is The Count of Sesame street fame.  The Count is known for being a snappy dresser and counting everything from telephone poles to light sockets with the utmost style and accuracy.  Some have suggested that The Count enjoys his job a little too much.  Could that be possible?

Here’s the call.

Jill Stein:  Hello, this is Jill Stein of the Green Party, we’re clean, mean and Green.  How can I help you?

The Count:  Good evening:  I am The Count ha ha ha.  I heard you may be looking for someone to help you re-count votes.  I am the greatest counter of them all, ha ha ha.

Jill Stein:  That’s correct.  We’re looking for talented people in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania to help us get the result we’re looking for, if you know what I mean.

The Count:  Vundabar!  I’m already here in Transylvania and I can start right away.  Tell me, how much does this re-counting pay? ha ha ha

Jill Stein:  Oh no, nobody voted in Transylvania. we need the votes re-counted in the State of Pennsylvania of the USA.  Can you relocate for a while, Mr. Count?

The Count:  Yes, yes I can relocate, if the “Green count” is right, ha ha ha, and by “Green count” I mean green-backs, bucks, dollars, moola etc, ha ha ha.

Jill Stein:  That sounds great. Of course we can pay you handsomely, as long as the count goes our way, if you know what I mean.

The Count:  Very well then.  I will give you the most stylish and accurate re-count of the votes the world has ever seen, ha ha ha.

Jill Stein:  Uh, I’m not sure you understand, Mr. Count.  We’re not looking for accuracy, we already have that.  We’re looking for a certain outcome.  You know what I mean.  We’re trying to cheat.

The Count:  Cheat?  You want The Count to come up with the wrong count?  This I cannot do.  For thousands of years I have been known as the most stylish and accurate counter in the world.  I cannot compromise my reputation with an incorrect calculation, ha ha ha

Jill Stein:  Well, I can get a chimpanzee to give me an accurate re-count for peanuts.  I’m looking for certifiable results here.

The Count:  Madame, I am personally insulted by your offer.  No, no I will not be coming to Pennsylvania to cheat, ha ha ha.  Good Evening, (“click”, he hangs up the phone)

Jill Stein:  (to herself after the call)  Hmmm, I wonder if chimps can be trained to cheat?

Well, it looks like poor Jill’s misguided efforts to cheat are going to fail.  Maybe next time she can get “the woods” vote out to help her win. 



16 comments:

  1. I loved watching Sesame Street when I was a kid ha ha ha :)

    When I am counting to Evie - I have to stop my self going "vun, two, three how I love to count ha ha ha"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Count is the best.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  2. Weirdest bunch of losers ever. I've never seen the stupidity that I've seen during this election. The dems really need to take a look at themselves. They have lost their way.

    Have a fabulous Silly Sunday. ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Donkeys have gone so far left that they can never recover.
      Whining and blaming isn't going to bring new voters to them.

      Thanks for allowing me to share and always commenting. Have a great week.

      Delete
  3. TRees don't vote...that's a good one!

    You raise an issue I agree with, if her stupid count changed results, wouldn't we need another recount to confirm the recount? I used to play stickball with these people, if they didn;t get their way they left with the only ball and bat.

    We had a name for them in the day, I think it was shitheads...yeah, that was it, we called them shitheads.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, shitheads seems to capture the essence of the thing.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  4. If the recount doesn't work, maybe Ms.Stein can just go back to being a grunge poet/songstress. The world needs that contribution. Funny as always, Agent 54.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good to know that Jill's future is bright.

      Thanks for playing again.

      Delete
  5. Love your post, I'll help her recount in my favor!!!If you know what I mean!
    Have a great week!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed it.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  6. Haha....good post. Thanks for sharing this at Together on Tuesdays. I'm sure it will entertain us all :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy to make you laugh. Thanks for allowing me to share.

      Delete
  7. Don't you love logic, there is not a lot around these days. A great LOL post.
    Kathleen
    Bloggers Pit Stop

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, thank you for allowing me to share.

      Delete
  8. Very creative and funny! Love 'The Count'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Count is the best.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete