Agent 54 : Is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. He works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. He reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
The Boss, Bruce
Springsteen sang, “there’s 57 channels and nothing on”.
here again. Okay, I admit it. Have watched and I do watch way too much T.V.
and it has probably rotted my brain somewhat.
Though I do have other hobbies like blogging, hiking, treasure hunting
and writing, sometimes I’m tired and I just want to sit in my recliner and
watch T.V. Since most of today’s shows
are boring, I often find myself falling asleep in my recliner. This is probably the best use of today’s dumb
I want to
believe my viewing habits are a little more enlightened than most people’s but,
maybe not. I don’t watch much usual T.V.
like the evening sitcoms or soap operas or the Hallmark channel because I have
found that there are only about 35 story plot lines in regular T.V. and the
shows just insert different characters into the same plot lines. Though I often enjoy writing about T.V.
characters from my past, today’s characters all seem to be watered down
versions of those I enjoyed as a child or teen. T.V. characters became stale to
me after “All in the Family” with Carroll O’Connor as Archie Bunker ended.
like to watch “Reality T.V.” like the competition cooking shows but, of course
there is nothing real about them. How
many times have you had to make a Chocolate Soufflé in 2 and half minutes? I don’t pretend to know what they are talking
about on these shows either. I still don’t
know what a Crème Brule is. I saw one
show where they made a smoothie using moose and sushi and they called it a
Mooshi. I would like to try that recipe.
wife forces me to watch these “Housewives of
Wherever” shows where rich and spoiled women argue about the rotten
things they say about each other.
Sometimes that ultra – stupidity is funny though I
admit that I’m jealous of them. Why do these idiots get to be wealthy. I’m a much better person than they are. I would make a fine millionaire. That is my big idea for a reality show. Someone should give me a million dollars and
then follow me around with a camera to see what happens. If you happen to have a million dollars and a
T.V. camera, have your people call my people.
I try to
watch the History Channel or Discovery Science when I can but, my wife hates
those channels because she’s afraid she might learn something. “Can’t you just
turn your brain off and
watch T.V.” she will bellow. Sometimes I wish I could.
I like to
watch sports but, I’ve seen so much that that can become boring too. Occasionally
I get lucky and find a great movie like “Forrest Gump” or “The Good, The Bad
and The Ugly” or “Willie Wonka” or “Blazing Saddles” but those times are few
and far between. Ah, they just don’t
make movies like they used to.
The News? What is The News anymore. The last election cycle was brutal for T.V. News.
It has become all opinion and Bullshit anymore. It’s hard to find worse people than today’s
T.V. or Newspaper Reporters. They will incite
violence and stupidity for a good live shot.
You would have to watch “The Housewives of New Jersey” to find worse
people on T.V. Watching todays T.V. News
you can see America being dumbed down minute by minute.
Of course the purpose of T.V. is to get you to
buy stuff. I do find some of the endless
commercials to be funny and I can resist most of them, with the possible
exception of Taco Bell commercials but, many people are tricked into doing
foolish things by the devious advertisers. The Capital One credit card ads with Samuel L.
Jackson are the worst. This guy is
yelling at me with his condescending tone to get a credit card and a line of
credit that I don’t deserve, to buy stuff I can’t afford. When he asks “What’s in your wallet?” I shout
at the T.V. “none of your business, jackass!”
Uh oh. Yelling at the T.V. Is that a sign of brain rot?
find myself turning the idiot box off more and more and just listening to music
on my computer as I write. Living in
Arizona, I’m lucky enough to be able to spend some time outdoors away from the
T.V. too but, I often see zombies hooked on their rotten shows watching them
outside on their “Smart Phones”. This is
much more expensive than watching at home and they are watching on a tiny
screen with all kinds of distractions around.
I have to ask, who is smarter,
the viewers or the phones?
examining the deterioration of the programming and T.V.’s overall effects on
our society, I have to believe that now, more than ever, Mrs. Sturak is
right. “T.V. rots your brain!”
here again. Well, just when everyone was
wanting to forget the wild and at times, stupid campaign 2016 season, some
idiot decided to keep the madness going.
This sparked a phone call between The Count and the leader of the Greens. Here’s my report on that conversation and situation.
people on the phone couldn’t be more different.
First, there is Green Party Candidate Jill Stein. She “decided” to demand a re-count in the 3
states closely won by Donald Trump in what appears to be a dubious effort to
help Hillary Clinton. Stein received no
percent of the vote herself because, as it turns out, trees can’t vote.
there is The Count of Sesame street fame.
The Count is known for being a snappy dresser and counting everything
from telephone poles to light sockets with the utmost style and accuracy. Some have suggested that The Count enjoys his
job a little too much. Could that be
Here’s the call.
Hello, this is Jill Stein of the Green Party, we’re clean, mean and
Green. How can I help you?
Good evening: I am The Count ha
ha ha. I heard you may be looking for
someone to help you re-count votes. I am
the greatest counter of them all, ha ha ha.
That’s correct. We’re looking for
talented people in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania to help us get the
result we’re looking for, if you know what I mean.
Vundabar! I’m already here in
Transylvania and I can start right away.
Tell me, how much does this re-counting pay? ha ha ha
Oh no, nobody voted in Transylvania. we need the votes re-counted in the
State of Pennsylvania of the USA. Can
you relocate for a while, Mr. Count?
Yes, yes I can relocate, if the “Green count” is right, ha ha ha, and by
“Green count” I mean green-backs, bucks, dollars, moola etc, ha ha ha.
That sounds great. Of course we can pay you handsomely, as long as the
count goes our way, if you know what I mean.
Very well then. I will give you
the most stylish and accurate re-count of the votes the world has ever seen, ha
Uh, I’m not sure you understand, Mr. Count. We’re not looking for accuracy, we already
have that. We’re looking for a certain
outcome. You know what I mean. We’re trying to cheat.
Cheat? You want The Count to come
up with the wrong count? This I cannot
do. For thousands of years I have been
known as the most stylish and accurate counter in the world. I cannot compromise my reputation with an
incorrect calculation, ha ha ha
Well, I can get a chimpanzee to give me an accurate re-count for peanuts.
I’m looking for certifiable results
Madame, I am personally insulted by your offer. No, no I will not be coming to Pennsylvania
to cheat, ha ha ha. Good Evening, (“click”,
he hangs up the phone)
(to herself after the call) Hmmm,
I wonder if chimps can be trained to cheat?
it looks like poor Jill’s misguided efforts to cheat are going to fail. Maybe next time she can get “the woods” vote
out to help her win.