Saturday, January 7, 2017

Nut Bowlers

  Agent 54 here again.  I was relaxing over the holidays (I don’t remember which holiday) watching Ancient Aliens on my TV when I started hearing voices again.  These voices didn’t seem to be coming from my own head, as usual.  No, they seemed to be coming from a bowl of mixed nuts that were stationed on my TV tray.  Was I dreaming?  Were my Ancient Alien Ancestors facilitating a conversation between myself and previously unacknowledged intelligence?  Am I just full of it?  Please read my report on the conversation and decide for yourself.

Peanut:  So, I heard Walnuts aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, ha ha.

Walnut:  Oh great.  Comments from the peanut gallery.  Shouldn’t you be getting smooshed into a sandwich spread for kids?

Pecan:  Peek a boo, I see you.  Get it, I’m a peeking Pecan, get it?

Cashew:  Yeah, real clever there Pecan.  Hey, what the heck are Peanuts doing in here with us anyway.  After all they aren’t nuts, they’re legumes.

Peanut:  Nuts -  Legumes, it’s just semantics.  Humans love us so much we get to go to every ballgame and they put us in Snickers bars.  Say Cashew, why did the humans name you guys after a sneeze?  A-chew!  A-chew!

Almond:  Yeah, real funny there, Peanut.  You’re a regular Norm McDonald.  We Almonds are very special nuts.  That’s why when the put us in a candy bar they call it an “Almond Joy”.

Filbert:  Uh, say Almond, isn’t the Coconut the nut star of that candy bar?

Cashew:  Well, technically Coconuts are “drupes” and not nuts.

Peanut:  Who cares!  This whole conversation is NUTZ!  And Filbert, you wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for your cousin, Hazelnut being used to flavor Starbucks coffees.

Hazelnut:  Don’t pick on Filbert.  He’s an up and coming nut with a lot of potential an he’s sensitive.

Walnut:  Oh you’re all crazy.  Walnuts are the Human’s favorite.  That’s why they save us for only their best, most festive recipes and occasions and why they use us to cover their ice cream.

Peanut:  Who’s calling who crazy?  Aren’t Walnuts famously used in Fruitcakes?

Brazil nut:  When the humans want to take a walk on the wild side, they come to the Brazil nut.  “Do, da do, da do, take a walk on the wild side”.

Macadamia nut:  Nice Lou Reed impression there, Brazil but, we Macadamia nuts get baked into the most delicious cookies the humans can make.  We are truly a very special sweet treat for them. 

Pistachio:  Well, the humans have been using us Pistachios as a food source since 6750 B.C.  We’re the ones who have staying power.

Pecan:  Just because you read that on Wikipedia there, Pistachio don’t mean it’s true.  No, you’re just another nut unless you can be the main ingredient in a delicious sweet pie or ice cream.  Nothing the humans love more than Pecan pie and Butter Pecan ice cream or a slice of Pecan pie with a scoop of Butter Pecan ice cream on top.  Mmmm, mmm.

Peanut:  You guys don’t have a clue.  Peanuts have so many uses for the humans, I can’t even count them all.  They even cook with Peanut oil and named their favorite cartoon strip after us.  Peanuts are obviously the human’s favorite and you guys are just “bowl fillers”.  You’re just here for some contrast.

Almond:  Well Peanut, you don’t have to get so salty with us!

Everyone in the bowl groans.



Wow!  What do you think?  Am I going NUTZ?


22 comments:

  1. Bwahahahahahahaha. This is one nutty post. Very well done.

    Have a fabulous weekend. ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading and commenting on my nuttiness again.

      Have a great week.

      Delete
  2. Your nutz may have started an argument...I'll go with Pistachio as my fav. Hmmm Pistachio nut butter...I'd try it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That does sound good.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  3. It's obvious that you're not nutz. I've had that same conversation many times.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed it.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Delete
  4. Haha! This is crazy! I mean nuts lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed it.

      Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  5. I think you are ok, but I would take that bowl of snack food to a good therapist.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is a great idea! Those nuts do seem to have some issues.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  6. I now fancy some nots :)

    I like walnuts - there is no mention of pinenuts?

    Im guessing they were too small - and were likely to get crushed by the bigger boys and girls.

    I thought I heard voices once...

    ...I was at work manning reception and I had let someone in (via the entry phone thingy) and I heard someone saying "hello...." "hello...." "hello..."

    This went on for a couple of minutes and I realised it was where I hadnt put the intercom phone back down properly :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Uh oh, I missed the Pinenuts. Now Pinenut groups will be protesting outside my trailer. The irony is that I like when my wife cooks with pinenuts.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  7. You aren't nuts, they are! My suggestion is to just help yourself to a handful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  8. Very interesting conversation. Now, next time I see a bowl of nuts I would probably imagine them talking to each other ha ha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed it.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  9. Cute post! Thanks so much for linking up at #familyfriday we appreciate it!

    ReplyDelete
  10. You can get some funny looks talking to your nuts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, be careful when talking to your nuts in public.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  11. Thank you for coming to the Blogger's Pit Stop Linky Party.

    Janice, Pit Stop Crew

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I enjoyed stopping by and bringing a bowl of mixed nuts to the party.

      Delete