Saturday, January 7, 2017

Nut Bowlers

  Agent 54 here again.  I was relaxing over the holidays (I don’t remember which holiday) watching Ancient Aliens on my TV when I started hearing voices again.  These voices didn’t seem to be coming from my own head, as usual.  No, they seemed to be coming from a bowl of mixed nuts that were stationed on my TV tray.  Was I dreaming?  Were my Ancient Alien Ancestors facilitating a conversation between myself and previously unacknowledged intelligence?  Am I just full of it?  Please read my report on the conversation and decide for yourself.

Peanut:  So, I heard Walnuts aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, ha ha.

Walnut:  Oh great.  Comments from the peanut gallery.  Shouldn’t you be getting smooshed into a sandwich spread for kids?

Pecan:  Peek a boo, I see you.  Get it, I’m a peeking Pecan, get it?

Cashew:  Yeah, real clever there Pecan.  Hey, what the heck are Peanuts doing in here with us anyway.  After all they aren’t nuts, they’re legumes.

Peanut:  Nuts -  Legumes, it’s just semantics.  Humans love us so much we get to go to every ballgame and they put us in Snickers bars.  Say Cashew, why did the humans name you guys after a sneeze?  A-chew!  A-chew!

Almond:  Yeah, real funny there, Peanut.  You’re a regular Norm McDonald.  We Almonds are very special nuts.  That’s why when the put us in a candy bar they call it an “Almond Joy”.

Filbert:  Uh, say Almond, isn’t the Coconut the nut star of that candy bar?

Cashew:  Well, technically Coconuts are “drupes” and not nuts.

Peanut:  Who cares!  This whole conversation is NUTZ!  And Filbert, you wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for your cousin, Hazelnut being used to flavor Starbucks coffees.

Hazelnut:  Don’t pick on Filbert.  He’s an up and coming nut with a lot of potential an he’s sensitive.

Walnut:  Oh you’re all crazy.  Walnuts are the Human’s favorite.  That’s why they save us for only their best, most festive recipes and occasions and why they use us to cover their ice cream.

Peanut:  Who’s calling who crazy?  Aren’t Walnuts famously used in Fruitcakes?

Brazil nut:  When the humans want to take a walk on the wild side, they come to the Brazil nut.  “Do, da do, da do, take a walk on the wild side”.

Macadamia nut:  Nice Lou Reed impression there, Brazil but, we Macadamia nuts get baked into the most delicious cookies the humans can make.  We are truly a very special sweet treat for them. 

Pistachio:  Well, the humans have been using us Pistachios as a food source since 6750 B.C.  We’re the ones who have staying power.

Pecan:  Just because you read that on Wikipedia there, Pistachio don’t mean it’s true.  No, you’re just another nut unless you can be the main ingredient in a delicious sweet pie or ice cream.  Nothing the humans love more than Pecan pie and Butter Pecan ice cream or a slice of Pecan pie with a scoop of Butter Pecan ice cream on top.  Mmmm, mmm.

Peanut:  You guys don’t have a clue.  Peanuts have so many uses for the humans, I can’t even count them all.  They even cook with Peanut oil and named their favorite cartoon strip after us.  Peanuts are obviously the human’s favorite and you guys are just “bowl fillers”.  You’re just here for some contrast.

Almond:  Well Peanut, you don’t have to get so salty with us!

Everyone in the bowl groans.



Wow!  What do you think?  Am I going NUTZ?


The Changing Seasons

Shifting Alliances

Brotherly Love

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40 comments:

  1. SandeeJanuary 7, 2017 at 9:07 AM

    Bwahahahahahahaha. This is one nutty post. Very well done.

    Have a fabulous weekend. ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54January 7, 2017 at 9:17 AM

      Thank you for reading and commenting on my nuttiness again.

      Have a great week.

      Delete
  2. joehJanuary 7, 2017 at 9:45 AM

    Your nutz may have started an argument...I'll go with Pistachio as my fav. Hmmm Pistachio nut butter...I'd try it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AdrienneJanuary 7, 2017 at 10:02 AM

    It's obvious that you're not nutz. I've had that same conversation many times.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54January 7, 2017 at 12:28 PM

      Glad you enjoyed it.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Delete
  4. LorenzaJanuary 7, 2017 at 7:42 PM

    Haha! This is crazy! I mean nuts lol.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tim ClarkJanuary 8, 2017 at 6:10 AM

    I think you are ok, but I would take that bowl of snack food to a good therapist.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54January 8, 2017 at 6:13 AM

      That is a great idea! Those nuts do seem to have some issues.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  6. chocolat loverJanuary 8, 2017 at 7:24 AM

    I now fancy some nots :)

    I like walnuts - there is no mention of pinenuts?

    Im guessing they were too small - and were likely to get crushed by the bigger boys and girls.

    I thought I heard voices once...

    ...I was at work manning reception and I had let someone in (via the entry phone thingy) and I heard someone saying "hello...." "hello...." "hello..."

    This went on for a couple of minutes and I realised it was where I hadnt put the intercom phone back down properly :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54January 8, 2017 at 7:34 AM

      Uh oh, I missed the Pinenuts. Now Pinenut groups will be protesting outside my trailer. The irony is that I like when my wife cooks with pinenuts.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  7. messymimiJanuary 8, 2017 at 6:32 PM

    You aren't nuts, they are! My suggestion is to just help yourself to a handful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54January 8, 2017 at 6:46 PM

      Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  8. sarojaJanuary 9, 2017 at 8:28 AM

    Very interesting conversation. Now, next time I see a bowl of nuts I would probably imagine them talking to each other ha ha.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jen|Practical, By DefaultJanuary 10, 2017 at 5:39 AM

    Cute post! Thanks so much for linking up at #familyfriday we appreciate it!

    ReplyDelete
  10. The CaptainJanuary 12, 2017 at 9:39 AM

    You can get some funny looks talking to your nuts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54January 12, 2017 at 6:39 PM

      Yes, be careful when talking to your nuts in public.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  11. Janice WaldJanuary 16, 2017 at 8:11 PM

    Thank you for coming to the Blogger's Pit Stop Linky Party.

    Janice, Pit Stop Crew

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54January 16, 2017 at 8:18 PM

      I enjoyed stopping by and bringing a bowl of mixed nuts to the party.

      Delete
  12. Mary K.January 26, 2017 at 9:19 AM

    That was one funny post and informative too. I had no idea that there were that many varieties of nuts. Pinning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54January 26, 2017 at 8:39 PM

      Thank you for reading, pinning and commenting.

      It means a lot to me.

      Delete
  13. Blog DofollowFebruary 4, 2017 at 10:16 PM

    Pistachio: Well, the humans have been using us Pistachios as a food source since 6750 B.C. We’re the ones who have staying power.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54February 4, 2017 at 11:44 PM

      Yes, now how do they know that?

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  14. Ravi SharmaApril 23, 2017 at 9:53 AM

    Amezing Post Thanku For Sharing This Knowledge

    ReplyDelete
  15. J. HechtMay 18, 2017 at 5:21 PM

    So clever. Great writing. These make me giggle

    ReplyDelete
  16. candyFebruary 1, 2018 at 6:25 PM

    Love to make different nut butter with my food processor. Found you on Bloggers Pit Stop Link Party.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Linda Barnby | Friends Over Fifty Guide To LifeFebruary 2, 2018 at 8:51 PM

    You're a little nutty.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dr. Elise HoFebruary 5, 2018 at 1:11 PM

    What a funny post. Your sense of humor is certainly unique.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Syncopated MamaFebruary 7, 2018 at 9:01 PM

    You are hilarious and I am totally choosing this post for my feature this week! #FridayFrivolity

    ReplyDelete
  20. Lazy GastronomeAugust 19, 2018 at 12:59 PM

    What a deliciously fun post! I'd be honored if you shared it at our What's for Dinner party - http://www.lazygastronome.com/whats-for-dinner-sunday-link-up-162/

    ReplyDelete
  21. Agent 54August 20, 2018 at 4:03 AM

    Oh, thank you so much. Please come back and check out more of my silly stories.

    ReplyDelete

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