Aquaman Movie Review

Aquaman

  Agent 54 here again.  Well, it was movie night again and I took my buddies Shamu, Charlie Tuna and Nemo to see the new Aquaman movie.  Flipper had date and met us at the theater with his new girl, Ariel (a.k.a. The Little Mermaid).  After the film we kept our tradition of reviewing it and scoring it as we sat by the pool.  Here’s our review:

Agent 54:  As usual, I’ll start the conversation.  The new Aquaman movie starred Jason Mamoa as Aquaman, Amber Heard as Mera, Nicole Kidman as Atlanna, Willem Dafoe as Vulko and Patrick Wilson as King Orm.  It’s the story of how a half breed Human and Atlantean takes his rightful place as king of Atlantis and saves the world by stopping a war between the people of the sea and the people of the land.  It had lots of very colorful fantasy CGI images as well as some great beach and land scenes.  I’m sure my friends enjoyed this tale from the sea even more than me.

Shamu

Shamu:  Yeah, and it has some great camo performances by the biggest star in the sea,,, namely me.

Flipper:  What !  I had more time on screen than you did.  I got to swim with Aquaman when he was just a kid.

Nemo:  So what!  Neither of you had a line of dialog.  Until you get a speaking part, you got no room to talk.

Shamu:  Shut up!  Nobody likes a bitter-jelly little polka-dot guppy smart-ass who didn’t get hired for the movie.

Nemo:  I’m not polka-dot, I got stripes.

Agent 54:  Knock it off!  Com’on guys.  Were supposed to be friends talking about the movie.

Charlie Tuna

Charlie Tuna:  Those guys got no class and parts of the movie didn’t have none either.  Who’s gonna believe the beautiful Atlanna would fall in love with an ugly old lighthouse keeper?

Ariel:  The lighthouse keeper wasn’t ugly or old when she met him.

Flipper:  Whoa!  You had the hots for the lighthouse keeper?

Ariel:  Well, you were drooling over Mera for the whole movie.

Shamu:  Yeah, that’s Flip. He always goes for the redheads.  Hey, what did Mera say to ya when you tried to talk to her on the set?

Flipper:  She talked to me.

Shamu:  Yeah, what she say?

Ariel:  Yeah, what did she say?

Flipper:  She spoke to me.

Charlie Tuna:  Tell us, for cryin out loud!

Flipper:  Okay, Okay!  She said “I gotta go now”.  

Ariel

Everyone except Ariel has a great laugh for 10 seconds then Agent 54 speaks.

Agent 54:  Alright now, let’s try to focus on the movie.  I enjoyed when Atlanna told Aquaman “The people don’t need a king, they need a hero.”

Charlie Tuna:  My favorite character was Black Manta.  He’s a badass human with a grudge who gets some Atlantean technology.  He’s gonna kick Aquaman’s butt in the sequel.

Shamu:  Man, Charlie, you ain’t got no class, you always rootin for the bad guy.

Nemo:  If you and Flipper had any class you would have gotten speaking rolls in that movie.  The way I saw it, Sharks got all the best rolls for real live marine life.

Mera 

Flipper:  Shamu and I are gonna get speaking rolls in Aquaman II, guaranteed.

Charlie Tuna:  I’ll believe that when I hear it.

Shamu:  Whatever!  You think you funny, don’t you?

Agent 54:  Okay, Okay, Well, that certainly was a spirited, if not insane debate.  I think it’s time to vote while we’re all still friends,,,,sorta.  I give it 5 Starfish.  I really enjoyed the movie.

Shamu:  5 Starfish and you whale turds is just jelly.

Atlanna

Flipper:  5 Starfish, you tell’em, Shamu.

Nemo:  5 Starfish, I never said I didn’t like the movie.

Charlie Tuna:  4 Starfish.

Ariel:  Well, I give it 4 Starfish.  I don’t think Mera is really all that hot.

Agent 54:  So, that’s 28 out of 30 Starfish so, I guess we really enjoyed the film.  We recommend you go see Aquaman with some of your sane friends.

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