Agent 54 here again. Today I saw
rare high-tech footage with sound taken by one of our NSA spy satellites but,
it wasn't tuned into anything Earthly.
Check this out:

Nigel:
testing, 1,2 yeah, great,,,Hello everyone if you could please take a
seat, settle down we can start your biannual safety reminder class and then you
can carry on with the rest of your day shopping or catch a movie or whatever.
One minute later Nigel: Hello, welcome back to the Mothership Hellen,
My name is Nigel Thigsbottom as many of you know and I am the Safety Officer in
Charge of all Expeditions to Earth for the Milky way Explorer’s League
(M.E.L). (polite applause) You've all
been certified in the past so this is just a quote “reminder class” for your
biannual re-certification and you’ll be able to pick up your new badges from
Doris there (pointing to a large, hairy being at table near the door) on your
way out.
Nigel: Let’s get started. Safety! What does safety mean to us. Well, of course we don’t want anyone to get hurt on their hunting, fishing or hiking or whatever trips to Earth. However, we also don’t want the Earthlings to know for sure that we even exist. It’s bad enough that a few of those heavily armed Yahoo’s are constantly looking for us. We don’t need the whole planet searching everywhere, sending up space probes and making things difficult for the whole galaxy if we can help it. I mean, you remember what happened on Tatooine.
Soooo, it’s important that we keep any
evidence we leave behind to a minimum.
This isn't the official policy that you can read in the pamphlet but I
think a few foot prints, a few hairs every now and then just keeps them guessing
and is no big deal but, and it’s a big but, we can’t give them photographic
evidence. Most of those knuckleheads
down there are so addicted to their T.V.s and other video screens that they
will believe almost anything they see on them.
That means we must be vigilant.
They all have cell phones now with cameras so anytime you are in close
proximity with them you could be filmed.
If you think there is any and I mean any chance of being filmed you are
to immediately press your Galactic Positioning System (GPS) devices homing
button and beam yourself back to the mother-ship that you departed from and
check in for debriefing at your local M.E.L office. You must always have your GPS fully charged
before leaving the ship. As you know if
you are hurt or, God forbid, killed the GPS will sense that and automatically
beam you back.
So, in conclusion, The Milky way Explorer’s
League (M.E.L) wants you to have a safe and enjoyable excursion to Earth and we
want to keep coming back for another thousand years. If we follow the rules, there should be no
reason why we can’t . Thank you all, you
can pick up your new badges from Doris.
Let’s be safe out there!

Nigel still
at the podium: I want to give a shout
out to all the groups represented here today, I see the Yehtis (small applause
and cheers and whistles for each group as they are announced) The Swamp Apes, Grassman, Wolfe County
Wolfman, El Chupacbras and, Oh that reminds me, has anyone heard from Chewbacca
or Alf?
Bill from
the crowd: (shouting) Yeah, I ran into
them at different times near Hollywood.
I told them that MEL wants them back immediately but, they said they
ain't commin back. Apparently the humans
treat them like kings.
Nigel: Wow, how can they just turn their backs on
their families and how do they take the smell of the humans?
Bill: Chewbacca says he went to Beverly Hills and
had a nose job and he don’t smell nothin no more.
Nigel: Amazing!
So, I know they work as actors but, I've seen some of their stuff and
it’s not Shakespeare. How do they make
a living?
Holy Alien
Cows!!! We really learned a lot from
that transmission. Sasquatches are
Space Aliens, Space Aliens are Sasquatches, who knew?
Bungalow Bill's Outer Space Adventure
Ancient Alien Ancestors?
Houston, We Have a Problem
Spacing Out
Guardians of The Galaxy Vol. II
Bungalow Bill's Outer Space Adventure
Ancient Alien Ancestors?
Houston, We Have a Problem
Spacing Out
Guardians of The Galaxy Vol. II