Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Don't Curse a Stinker
Agent 54 here again. I wanted to make sure I’m not associated with the Neurotic Skeptics Ambivalence (NSA). They tried to recruit me but I couldn't make up my mind on what I didn't believe in.
I found this in an old NSA file. It's a letter they intercepted.
Many Hollywood celebrities have come out of the closet as gays & lesbians lately and that has given me the courage to tell the world, who I really am. I like to fart in public. Yes, I am a Stinker and I demand my rights!
I realized at an early age that I was different. Watching other kids in the sandbox gag gave me a sense of power that I have craved ever since. To this day I still enjoy cutting loose in a crowded movie theater, mall or even on line at the bank. I have flatulated all over the world including; Okinawa Japan, Grand Cayman, San Diego California, Anchorage Alaska and even in The White House, Washington D.C.
I have cut one in every situation like; on a date, meeting my in-laws for the first time, in the classroom and at job interviews. I've farted in dinners, fancy restaurants and often in Taco Bell. I cut a fart that reverberated off the plastic bench at Hardee’s so loudly that it sounded like a spastic tugboat.
However, far too often people lucky enough to have the will power and intestinal fortitude to hold themselves back have discriminated against me. Many times people have chosen to leave the room rather than face the music.
Gas is only natural and I deserve equal treatment. Public places have handicap ramps and smoking sections. Where’s my section? My fellow Stinkers and I demand equality!
In conclusion I would like to ask my fellow Americans to remember the next time you smell something, that it is better to open one window, than to curse a Stinker.