Sunday, June 30, 2013

Stinker T.V.

  Agent 54 loves women but, ladies please don’t make your man watch these low budget T.V. movies on the Hallmark channel.

  OMG!  I took a half day off so my wife made me watch this stinker that was so phony I almost puked.  There was a beautiful blonde walking along a beautiful lake in a beautiful dress talking to a handsome guy in a great suit and she says:  So, you've been lying to me.  He says:  Sorry, I’m not a law student although I've been accepted to law school.  See, I didn't have the money for school so I took a job packing groceries.  I guess I didn't have the guts to tell you, I’m a grocery store clerk.  And then she says:  You didn't have to lie, I would have loved you no matter what you do for a living.   YUK!  Give me a break!

  Let’s be real here.  I never dated Pamela Anderson.  You know why?  Cuz she wouldn't even look at a poor boy like me.  Shoot, if I ever tried to talk to her she would probably have run away like I was Borat.

  Here’s my first re-write for that scene.

Homely girl in shorts, flip-flops and a halter top is walking down the canal path with a dude in greasy jeans and a sleeveless black Harley Davidson T-shirt on.  She says:  So, you've been lying to me.  He says:  Sorry babe but, when I was in the Navy we went to the Philippines and  I got real drunk and woke up married to this crazy whore.  She dumped me a week after I brought her to the U.S. and I ain't seen here since but, technically I’m still married.  She says:  I don’t give a crap about that!  You told me you had a Harley.  That broken down piece of crap you got ain't even a motorcycle anymore.  And another thing, I wouldn't marry you if you were the last biker-dude in Mesa.

  Oh, sorry if that was a little too much reality for some of you.  I’m just sayin.

  So, I got some domestic feed-back about my re-write of the Hallmark T.V. movie and it seems that I could have gone a different direction.  Alrighty then!  Here’s my second attempt at a somewhat more refined re-write.

  A beautiful blonde is walking along a beautiful lake in a beautiful dress talking to a handsome guy in a great suit and she says:  So, you've been lying to me.  He says:  Of course I have.  I mean, take last night for instance.  You were wearing that dress that looks like someone vomited Ambrosia on a Dollar Store shower curtain and you said “do I look alright?”  What happens if I tell the truth then?  She says:  D-I-V-O-R-C-E!  He says:  You betcha, so, to keep up the domestic tranquility, I lie.

(10 second pause in the conversation) 

She says:  So, did you have a good time at my mother’s party last night?  He says:  Oh yeah, always do.   She says:  You’re full of crap!  He says:  You know it babe.  I love you.  She says: I love you too.


  There now.  That should do it.  No more sleepin on the couch for me (this week).  


34 comments:

  1. I think the domestic feedback helped your rewrite. Now could you help mankind and rewrite those stupid zombie movies.

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  2. Thanks Bill, I'm on the Zombie job.

    BTW: Domestic Feedback = my wife yelled at me.

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  3. LMAO @ I got real drunk and woke up married to this crazy whore

    Although I did like your second attempt best LOL

    Have a truthtastic week :-)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you.

      The Christmas Hallmark movies will be starting soon. Sheer Torture.

      Delete
  4. I liked the 1st rewrite better. Good solid story, down to earth characters & not only is it a funny Silly Sunday post but it fitted in with my new idea for a weekly themed meme thingy - Motorcycle Monday

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for visiting. Good luck with Motorcycle Monday.

      Delete
  5. Heeheehee! Yep, there are times to be honest, and times to be tactful!

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    Replies
    1. Yes, the secret is knowing when to play it straight and when to fudge the truth.

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  6. I won't be eating Ambrosia for a while.
    Comment from a Filipina.

    Have a blessed Sunday. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't wear dollar store shower curtains either.

      Thanks for playing. Happy Holidays.

      Delete
  7. Your rewrites make perfect sense, and i don't like those movies, either!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. We just have to convince the networks.

      Happy Ho Ho Ho!

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  8. I love Ambrosia, however never vomited any of it!! Guess that's because I don't drink alcohol wheneating it!!! LOL

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    Replies
    1. I gave up drinking specifically to avoid vomiting Ambrosia.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  9. I can't even watch the movies on Hallmark Channel much anymore. Unless it is the Good Witch movies. Because Catherine Bell kicks Pam's behind any day! With or without magic. Ha ha! Thanks for sharing on #FridayFrivolity. We'd love to have you share with us again.

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    Replies
    1. Catherine Bell Rocks!

      Thanks for allowing me to share.

      Delete
  10. Thank you for linking up to Monday Madness link party! I love this post! I think you have a future in writing those movies on Hallmark! Thanks again for sharing hope to see you again next week! :)

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    Replies
    1. You're too kind but, thanks anyway.

      Please come back early and often.

      Delete
  11. I think you should rewrite everything the Hallmark channel have ever screened. It would be a whole lot better, without a doubt. Thanks for linking with #FabFridayPost

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  12. You are too kind.

    Thanks for commenting.

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  13. I don't know what to make of this... yes, I agree with Min above - perhaps you should rewrite everything the Hallmark channel have ever screened. Thanks for linking with #FabFridayPost

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for following, reading and commenting.

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  14. Your version is way more realistic & has better dialogue than any of those tear jerkers. I think you should consider pitching that to the Lifetime network.

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    Replies
    1. I think you are right. Do you have their number?

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  15. Funny; your versions are certainly more realistic.

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  16. Thanks for bringing your post to the Blogger's Pit Stop last week.
    Janice, Pit Stop Crew

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  17. Are you a grandmother? Our link party is for grandmothers only!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please come back early and often.

      Thanks again.

      Delete
  18. Very funny, Agent 54. I agree. The Hallmark Channel is constantly full of sappy,unrealistic romantic stuff. So glad our cable doesn't carry it.

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    Replies
    1. Yes it is. Thank you for visiting and commenting again.

      Have a great weekend.

      Delete
  19. LOL-I don't even where that is on my TV.

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    Replies
    1. You don't need to find it.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete