Stinker T.V.

  Agent 54 loves women but, ladies please don’t make your man watch these low budget T.V. movies on the Hallmark channel.

  OMG!  I took a half day off so my wife made me watch this stinker that was so phony I almost puked.  There was a beautiful blonde walking along a beautiful lake in a beautiful dress talking to a handsome guy in a great suit and she says:  So, you've been lying to me.  He says:  Sorry, I’m not a law student although I've been accepted to law school.  See, I didn't have the money for school so I took a job packing groceries.  I guess I didn't have the guts to tell you, I’m a grocery store clerk.  And then she says:  You didn't have to lie, I would have loved you no matter what you do for a living.   YUK!  Give me a break!

  Let’s be real here.  I never dated Pamela Anderson.  You know why?  Cuz she wouldn't even look at a poor boy like me.  Shoot, if I ever tried to talk to her she would probably have run away like I was Borat.

  Here’s my first re-write for that scene.

Homely girl in shorts, flip-flops and a halter top is walking down the canal path with a dude in greasy jeans and a sleeveless black Harley Davidson T-shirt on.  She says:  So, you've been lying to me.  He says:  Sorry babe but, when I was in the Navy we went to the Philippines and  I got real drunk and woke up married to this crazy whore.  She dumped me a week after I brought her to the U.S. and I ain't seen here since but, technically I’m still married.  She says:  I don’t give a crap about that!  You told me you had a Harley.  That broken down piece of crap you got ain't even a motorcycle anymore.  And another thing, I wouldn't marry you if you were the last biker-dude in Mesa.

  Oh, sorry if that was a little too much reality for some of you.  I’m just sayin.

  So, I got some domestic feed-back about my re-write of the Hallmark T.V. movie and it seems that I could have gone a different direction.  Alrighty then!  Here’s my second attempt at a somewhat more refined re-write.

  A beautiful blonde is walking along a beautiful lake in a beautiful dress talking to a handsome guy in a great suit and she says:  So, you've been lying to me.  He says:  Of course I have.  I mean, take last night for instance.  You were wearing that dress that looks like someone vomited Ambrosia on a Dollar Store shower curtain and you said “do I look alright?”  What happens if I tell the truth then?  She says:  D-I-V-O-R-C-E!  He says:  You betcha, so, to keep up the domestic tranquility, I lie.

(10 second pause in the conversation) 

She says:  So, did you have a good time at my mother’s party last night?  He says:  Oh yeah, always do.   She says:  You’re full of crap!  He says:  You know it babe.  I love you.  She says: I love you too.

  There now.  That should do it.  No more sleepin on the couch for me (this week).  

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