Sunday, June 30, 2013

The Sasquatch Files

  Agent 54 here again.  Today I saw rare high-tech footage with sound taken by one of our NSA spy satellites but, it wasn't tuned into anything Earthly.  Check this out:

  Scene: Large banquet hall filled with large chairs each with pamphlets on them. There is a podium up on small stage with video screen bearing the initials M.E.L. behind it.  Unidentified flags to the left of the stage. There are folding tables along the right side of the room with large hairy beings behind them giving out information, buttons and name tags.  Large hairy beings file in and shuffle about greeting each other.  A few laughs are heard.  When room is almost filled, someone large and hairy takes the podium.

   Nigel:  testing, 1,2 yeah, great,,,Hello everyone if you could please take a seat, settle down we can start your biannual safety reminder class and then you can carry on with the rest of your day shopping or catch a movie or whatever.

  One minute later Nigel:  Hello, welcome back to the Mothership Hellen, My name is Nigel Thigsbottom as many of you know and I am the Safety Officer in Charge of all Expeditions to Earth for the Milky way Explorer’s League (M.E.L).   (polite applause) You've all been certified in the past so this is just a quote “reminder class” for your biannual re-certification and you’ll be able to pick up your new badges from Doris there (pointing to a large, hairy being at table near the door) on your way out.

Nigel: Let’s get started.  Safety!  What does safety mean to us.  Well, of course we don’t want anyone to get hurt on their hunting, fishing or hiking or whatever trips to Earth.  However, we also don’t want the Earthlings to know for sure that we even exist.  It’s bad enough that a few of those heavily armed Yahoo’s are constantly looking for us.  We don’t need the whole planet searching everywhere, sending up space probes and making things difficult for the whole galaxy if we can help it.  I mean, you remember what happened on Tatooine.

 Soooo, it’s important that we keep any evidence we leave behind to a minimum.  This isn't the official policy that you can read in the pamphlet but I think a few foot prints, a few hairs every now and then just keeps them guessing and is no big deal but, and it’s a big but, we can’t give them photographic evidence.  Most of those knuckleheads down there are so addicted to their T.V.s and other video screens that they will believe almost anything they see on them.  That means we must be vigilant.  They all have cell phones now with cameras so anytime you are in close proximity with them you could be filmed.  If you think there is any and I mean any chance of being filmed you are to immediately press your Galactic Positioning System (GPS) devices homing button and beam yourself back to the mother-ship that you departed from and check in for debriefing at your local M.E.L office.   You must always have your GPS fully charged before leaving the ship.  As you know if you are hurt or, God forbid, killed the GPS will sense that and automatically beam you back.

  So, in conclusion, The Milky way Explorer’s League (M.E.L) wants you to have a safe and enjoyable excursion to Earth and we want to keep coming back for another thousand years.  If we follow the rules, there should be no reason why we can’t .  Thank you all, you can pick up your new badges from Doris.  Let’s be safe out there!

 Scene:  Meeting starts to break up and large, hairy beings slowly shuffle towards Doris and the door.

Nigel still at the podium:  I want to give a shout out to all the groups represented here today, I see the Yehtis (small applause and cheers and whistles for each group as they are announced)  The Swamp Apes, Grassman, Wolfe County Wolfman, El Chupacbras and, Oh that reminds me, has anyone heard from Chewbacca or Alf? 

Bill from the crowd: (shouting)  Yeah, I ran into them at different times near Hollywood.  I told them that MEL wants them back immediately but, they said they ain't commin back.  Apparently the humans treat them like kings.

Nigel:  Wow, how can they just turn their backs on their families and how do they take the smell of the humans?

Bill:  Chewbacca says he went to Beverly Hills and had a nose job and he don’t smell nothin no more. 

Nigel:  Amazing!  So, I know they work as actors but, I've seen some of their stuff and it’s not Shakespeare.   How do they make a living?

Bill shrugging his large, hairy shoulders:  I dunno.


Holy Alien Cows!!!  We really learned a lot from that transmission.   Sasquatches are Space Aliens, Space Aliens are Sasquatches, who knew?

Bungalow Bill's Outer Space Adventure

Ancient Alien Ancestors?

Houston, We Have a Problem

Spacing Out

Guardians of The Galaxy Vol. II


  1. Well, I didn't know this either. It explains so much.

    Have a fabulous Silly Sunday. ☺

    1. I just want to inform the public.

      Thanks for playing.

  2. Now I Know lmao :-)

    They showed Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy on TV here yesterday thought of you straight away heheh! :-)

    1. Ah, then you know why the Space Aliens are guiding the Burgundy Campaign.

      Thanks for visiting.

  3. I figured that Sasquatch was actually Chewie and therefore an alien. Giorgio on Ancient Aliens kind of told me about it. Is that where you got the intel? Funny post, Agent 54.

    1. Sorry, I can't reveal all of my sources but, you may be right.

      Thanks for playing.

  4. Good one, thanks for the fun.
    Blogger's Pit Stop

    1. My pleasure. Thank you for allowing me to share.