
I got mad as hell. Not just at the one little jerk, at the whole
species. They should have taught that
one more manners than to bite me for no reason.
Now, they all have to pay. Hoo hoo ha ha ha hoo hoo (scary laughter)
![]() |
Commodore Agent 54 |
I immediately commissioned myself the Commodore
of the Arizona Ant Naval Academy (AANA).
Our one and only mission, to teach as many Ants to swim as possible. This task would be hard but, sometimes, I’m a
hard man.
I would teach the Red Army Ants to swim the
old Pennsylvania Dutch way. The Pennsylvania
Dutch will take their young men fishing.
A father and an uncle or two will row the boat out to the middle of the
lake or pond where they throw the young man into the water and row back to
shore. The youth learns to swim most of
the time.
![]() |
Ant grabber |
The Red Army Ant’s nest are easy to
find. They eat everything around it and
when you drop something on the hole, they attack with the tenacity of tiny
wolverines. I used my trash grabber
stick ($19.97 at Home Depot) to put wet pinecones from the pond on those ant
holes. The water seeps in and within
seconds every ant gets the message “we’re under attack!”. They swarm the cone and when it’s completely
covered with ants, I grab it with the stick and toss it into the canal or
pond. Some ants bail as the cone is
airborne but, most stay until “Ker plunk!” into the drink.
This is the point where the Red Army Ants are
most severely tested and where they always fail. Yes, they try.
They flail their legs and antennae and whatever else they have but, it
is useless. They don’t know what the
heck they’re doing. They can’t
coordinate their movements to get themselves headed in any direction even if
they could figure out what direction they wanted to go. The ants can’t follow instructions in English
at all. They just don’t listen!
So the Red Army Ants float on downstream at
the surface or slightly under it until the fish come. The ants that have the most energy often
become the first to be fish food. Blue
Gills, small Trout and tiny young Bass begin to feast.
I shake
my head and go get some more ants hoping one day one lousy ant will swim to
shore and give me a wink. Hoo hoo ha ha ha hoo hoo (scary laughter).

You've a very interesting life indeed. Bwahahahahahaha. I'd like to watch you do this too.
ReplyDeleteHave a terrific weekend commodore. ☺
I'd be glad to demonstrate for you sometime. Thank you for visiting and commenting.
DeleteI think I may write about working for a living this afternoon. I wonder how much I will get done before I need a nap?
Have a great weekend.
Does PETA know about this? Save the ants!!! I am getting a little antsy about this lol
ReplyDeleteUh,I don't know. Shhhh, don't tell them. I wouldn't want hot naked chicks coming here to protest for saving the ants. Wait, what did I say?
DeleteIn an insanely evil laugh - MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
ReplyDeleteWhile you're at it let's also wage war against mosquitos too. Those bloodsuckers need to die!
This is why I love bug zappers!
DeleteWe all must do our parts. I can't help it if I enjoy it too.
Hoo hoo ha ha ha hoo hoo (scary laughter).
This humored me without a doubt! Nice to be following you and thanks for coming by.
ReplyDeleteThank you for following me. I just started this blog 90 days ago and I'm having a blast.
DeleteQuite ingenious really.
ReplyDeleteYou are too kind.
DeleteThank you for allowing me to share.
Thank God I never got bit by one of those little guys when I lived there. BTW, since you are a Commodore now, will you do something about the hornet problem? They really lit into my husband this year. Like the Army Ants, they refused to die. I am also wondering about poison ivy. Can we add that to the mix. LOL. As always, enjoyable read, Agent 54.
ReplyDeleteHornets? Sounds like an opportunity to become and "Ace". I have to see what I can do about that.
DeleteThanks again.
Can you do the same thing to the Argentine ants that are destroying the plants in my yard? I'll do my Eva Peron imitation and sing "Dont Cry for Me, Argentina?" What if I promise not to sing? ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing with us on #FridayFrivolity.
I'm on my way.
DeleteThanks for playing.
Commodore, I have some pesky ants that sure can use your type of lesson. I could try to do it myself but you seem so good at it (and seem to enjoy it too) that I think I should commission you for the job. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for the confidence in my abilities. Have your people call my people.
DeleteWell. Ants everywhere have now been warned. Stay away from the Commodore!
ReplyDeleteDisorganized Blogger’s Guide to Book Conferences
Oops! Sorry for hitting Publish abruptly without checking ---that last part was SUPPOSED to be a link to my blog, not a random name of a recent discussion I posted. That's what I get for being trigger happy!
DeleteNicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Brilliant, had a good giggle at this! I feel your method of drawing out the ants may be rather ingenious! #oldschoolposts
ReplyDeleteYou're too kind.
DeleteThanks for playing.