Thursday, July 4, 2013
Zombies are People Too!
Agent 54 here again. The Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) likes to keep an eye on Hollywood from time to time. We spied a creepy movie set this week.
Scene: Movie set with Cemetery head stones, mossy trees and a creepy, dilapidated old caretaker’s shed. Around the set are lights, sound equipment, cameras on tracks, a dozen folding canvas chairs and a lunch table. Actors, the Director and various staff hurry about. Two zombies are sitting in folding chairs with paper plates eating lunch. A third zombie approaches them with a plate of food in his left hand and his right arm tucked under the left arm.
Zombie Allan: Hey guys.
Zombie Max: Hey bud, have a seat. Looks like you had a little accident in the last scene.
Allan: Yeah, the girl wacked me with a huge axe that weighed more than she did. I got to get it (his right arm) put back on for a scene I got after lunch.
Zombie Brad: I know, I’m in that scene too. I just had get my knee fixed.
Max: Oh, I’m sooooo tired of these same old scenes. When are zombies finally gonna get some good roles! I mean, my last 4 movies I had the same lines. “Brains, brains, moan, groan” it’s always the same.
Max: (chuckling) That’s funny, Hey, why not some comedies. Huh, I mean you know zombies can be funny too.
Brad: Maybe someday but, for now this crap is all we got. We have to pay our dues before society will accept us for better roles.
Allan: Bullshito! Society ain’t never gonna accept us. Don’t kid yourself. This is it.
Brad: No, no you’re wrong. Look at black actors. For 80 years all they could do was play butlers and chauffeurs and shit. Now you got Jamie Fox playin the President.
Max: That’s true. 25 years ago that would have seemed silly but times is a changin.
Allan: Not for us they ain’t. I mean, C’mon, they still think we’re gonna eat their brains for Cripes sake. Like that’s all we eat and like you can’t find brains in every asian market all over.
Brad: Yeah well, I don’t think it will happen in our undead lifetimes but, maybe our kids will get to play the nosey neighbor or a cop or something.
Allan: Yeah, in your dreams!
Brad: Aw, you know it. My wife got the recipe from her. No good, I don’t know what she did wrong but, it didn’t work.
The Director shouts out: Zombies! I need you in make-up and wardrobe now. Hustle up before we lose the light.
The Zombies rise and start to shuffle over to make-up and wardrobe.
Allan: Yeah, here we go, payin dues again.
Max and Brad together: Brains, brains, moan, groan.