Zombies are People Too!

Agent 54 here again.  The Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) likes to keep an eye on Hollywood from time to time.  We spied a creepy movie set this week.

Scene:   Movie set with Cemetery head stones, mossy trees and a creepy, dilapidated old caretaker’s shed.  Around the set are lights, sound equipment,  cameras on tracks, a dozen folding canvas chairs and a lunch table.  Actors, the Director and various staff hurry about.  Two zombies are sitting in folding chairs with paper plates eating lunch.   A third zombie approaches them with a plate of food in his left hand and his right arm tucked under the left arm.

Zombie Allan:  Hey guys.

Zombie Max:  Hey bud, have a seat.  Looks like you had a little accident in the last scene.

Allan:  Yeah, the girl wacked me with a huge axe that weighed more than she did.  I got to get it (his right arm) put back on for a scene I got after lunch.

Zombie Brad:  I know, I’m in that scene too.  I just had get my knee fixed.

Max:  Oh, I’m sooooo tired of these same old scenes.  When are zombies finally gonna get some good roles!  I mean, my last 4 movies I had the same lines.  “Brains, brains, moan, groan” it’s always the same.

Allan:  Whadda ya want, to be the next Indiana Jones?  Fuggedaboudit!  Ain’t happenin.  Zombies ain’t leading man material.  No starlet wants to kiss nobody who’s lips might fall off at any moment.

Max: (chuckling)  That’s funny,  Hey, why not some comedies.  Huh, I mean you know zombies can be funny too.

Brad:  Maybe someday but, for now this crap is all we got.  We have to pay our dues before society will accept us for better roles.

Allan:  Bullshito!  Society ain’t never gonna accept us.  Don’t kid yourself.  This is it.

Brad:  No, no you’re wrong.  Look at black actors.  For 80 years all they could do was play butlers and chauffeurs and shit.  Now you got Jamie Fox playin the President.

Max:  That’s true.  25 years ago that would have seemed silly but times is a changin.

Allan:  Not for us they ain’t.  I mean, C’mon, they still think we’re gonna eat their brains for Christ’s sake.  Like that’s all we eat and like you can’t find brains in every Asian market all over.

Brad:  Yeah well, I don’t think it will happen in our undead lifetimes but, maybe our kids will get to play the nosey neighbor or a cop or something.

Allan:  Yeah, in your dreams!

Brainloaf

Max:  You know, I do love brains.  That Brainloaf that Jerry’s wife made for us last Labor day was out of this world.

Brad:  Aw, you know it.  My wife got the recipe from her.  No good, I don’t know what she did wrong but, it didn’t work.

The Director shouts out:  Zombies!  I need you in make-up and wardrobe now.  Hustle up before we lose the light.

The Zombies rise and start to shuffle over to make-up and wardrobe. 

Allan:  Yeah, here we go, payin dues again.

Max and Brad together:  Brains, brains, moan, groan.

Allan:  Knock it off!  Damn comedians.    

Zombies Can't Catch a Break
Zombie Lunch