Balls!

 Agent 54 here again.  Some people might say that I have been blessed with a lot of balls.  Those people would be right.

  In fact, I collect balls. What kind of balls you ask?  Many different and diverse kinds of balls.  From small red rubber balls to bowling balls, I find, clean and care for my balls.

  I have a pretzel jar where I keep my small, colorful bouncy balls.  These are my favorites.  I find them when I’m out treasure hunting with my metal detector.  No silly, the metal detector does not detect balls unless they are brass or steel, iron, copper, silver or gold.  No, I find these small bouncy balls by being observant and watching where I’m going.  I have become a bouncy ball snob as it were.  If the balls are discolored or cracked or have, heaven forbid, pieces missing, I throw them into the trash.  Balls that pass my initial inspection get washed in anti-bacterial soap and then further cleaned and shined with Avon’s Skin So Soft.  This makes my balls smell nice and they feel soft and smooth to the touch and of course, Skin So Soft is great for my hands too.

  I often find Baseballs and Tennis balls but I don’t keep them long.  I sell some of my balls at the Play-it-Again Sports shop.   I take a large bag of balls into the store and the shopkeeper inspects them.  He gives me $.50 for the baseballs and $.10 for the tennis or as I call them, the dog balls.  (I call the tennis balls, dog balls because that is what they sell them for.  Dogs love my balls.) 

  

Some would say that my obsession with collecting balls is NUTZ!  They might say that I’m losing my marbles but, they would be way off base.  I actually find the marbles that everyone else is losing.  I clean and shine them the same way I do with my balls and keep them in a small glass jar that once held a Yankee Candle.  If they want to challenge my sanity, ha!, let them.  I’ll just look at my jar of their marbles on my coffee table and I’ll know who the sane one is.

Bobbers!  Bobbers are not balls.

Footballs!  I love footballs and I love watching football.  I used to love to play football and I have the scars to prove it.  I find Footballs in the park behind my apartment.  Usually I find them in the lake.  People love to play football in the park but, every now and then they throw the ball into the lake and then eventually it floats down to my end of the lake and it becomes part of my collection.  Again, the Skin So Soft treatment makes them feel nice as I hold onto one of my footballs while watching a game.

 I have many other kinds of balls, many Golf balls, Soccer balls, Basketballs etc… in my collection.  I don’t think my fascination with balls is any more nutz than anyone else’s fascination with Ghosts, Space Aliens, Bigfoots, Fruit Flies or Politics.  I hope you don’t think I’m a Nuttball.  Thank you for allowing me to show and share my balls with you.

Remember, every January, I’m wishing you a Happy New Year as we all watch the sparkling ball of lights drop in Times Square.

Thoughtless

Confession

Poison