Weird Day at the NSA

  Agent 54 here again.  Most days working for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) which is under the Department of Redundancy Department (DORD) are routine.  You listen to people calling Radio Shack about wires, batteries and alarm clocks or pressure cookers and stuff and then you write reports.  Sometime you get an exciting call or video but, usually not.

  A lot of people work here.  I have a few friends here but, I haven’t met most of the people.  I’m not the only semi-famous person here.  I think people like to work here because like me, they’re curious and amused by what real people are talking about.  Some blew their fortunes and are here for the money while others couldn’t find anything else.  I guess it’s like anywhere else.

  My cubicle is near the hallway to the bathrooms and the cafeteria.  People pass by all the time and I try to ignore them.  Last week, late in the day, Inspector Gadget stopped bye.  He's a former small town detective who thinks he works for the NSA Internal Affairs Department.  The NSA doesn't even have an Internal Affairs Department but, don't try to tell him that.

Inspector Gadget

Inspector Gadget:  Say Agent 54, did you happen to notice anything new and unusual in the Men’s room.

Agent 54 (weirded out)  Uh, no.  Was I supposed to?

Inspector Gadget:  Of course.  As an NSA Agent we must be alert and vigilante at all times.   So, you didn’t see the very Un-American Graffiti in stall number 2?

Agent 54:  Oh yeah, it said “Flush twice, it’s a long way to Washington D.C. 20500.”

Inspector Gadget:  Ah ha!  And exactly what did you think about that?

Agent 54 (still weirded out)  Uh, I thought it was strange to include the zip code.

Inspector Gadget:  Did you think about who might have done this?

Agent 54 (still weirded out)  Not at all.

Inspector Gadget:  Nevermind.  I’ll find the culprit.  Meanwhile, get a small bucket, some pine oil and a sponge and get rid of the offensive remark.

Agent 54 (still weirded out)  Uh, okay.

  I don’t know why I take orders from Gadget.  He’s an Agent the same as me.  I also don’t know why he took offense to the graffiti.  I thought it was funny, well, mildly amusing anyway.

  In the Men’s room I’m about to enter stall number 2 when my friend, Billy Idol burst in with a bucket, pine oil and no sponge.

Agent 54:  Hey Billy.  Gadget come to see you too?

Billy:  I don’t know why I take orders from that wanker.

Next, John Rambo comes in with a bucket, pine oil and a sponge.  Rambo is another friend of mine.  He's a former Army boxer with a dry sense of humor.

John Rambo

Rambo:  Hey guys, what’s going on.

Agent 54:  Rambo, you here to clean the graffiti too?

Rambo:  Yeah, Gadget sent me.

Agent 54:  Okay guys, just let me get it and I’ll see you at my cubicle.  I think we have to find out what is really up with Gadget.

  After I got rid of the “offensive remark” and put the cleaning stuff away I plop in my chair.  Rambo and Billy are waiting for me.

Agent 54:  Before we talk about Gadget, Rambo, how do you get away with not wearing a shirt in here?

Rambo:  I got a waiver.  My buddy, Col Trautman has friends in high places.  They said as long as nobody complains,,,

Billy:  The way I seen the chickies checkin you out, they ain’t gonna complain.  Some of the blokes too.

We all chuckle at that.

  Inspector Gadget appears at the front of the large office space that has mine and about 100 other cubicles in it.  He addresses the room.

  Inspector Gadget:  Attention everyone, attention.  I have an important matter to discuss.

  About 97 heads pop up from the cubicles, including my Supervisor, Agent 86 (Max).

 Inspector Gadget: I recently  discovered a disturbing case of vandalism here in our building.  In the Men’s room in stall number 2, someone placed a very Un-American bit of graffiti on the wall.  (pointing at me and the boys)  Boys, tell everyone what it said.

Rambo, Billy and I look at each other for a few seconds before I feel compelled to speak.

Agent 54:  Uh, it said “Flush twice it’s a long way to Washington 20500.”

Half the room chuckles while the other half is really weirded out.

Inspector Gadget:  That’s right!  Now, using the investigative skills I learned during many training seminars with the CIA, CSI, TSA, FBI, NSA and the DORD, I have discovered exactly who the perpetrator of this offense is,,, haven’t I MR. Joker!

The Joker’s head pops up from a cubicle in the back of the room.

The Joker

Joker:  Hee, hee, haa, haa, hoo, (psychotic evil laughter)  That’s right copper and you’ll never take me alive!

With that he leaps to the nearest window, turns the latch, opens it outward and jumps out.

After a second of stunned silence.

Agent 54:  Nice move.  That guy is like a gazelle.

Billy:  Yeah, I didn’t know he worked here.  I thought he was locked up.  Didn’t he get 3 to 5?

Rambo:  He did.  You know that move would have taken courage if this wasn’t a one story building.

Everyone can clearly see the Joker running across the 200 yards of grass between our building and the parking lot where the purple and green Joker mobile is parked.  Bob, the Joker’s top henchman waits outside the car.  Max goes to the window and calls out to the Joker.

Max:  So Joker, it’s 4:51 right now.  I’ll clock you out at 4:45 and you can make up the 15 minutes tomorrow if you want.

The Joker stops in his tracks, turns toward us and gives us another burst of psychotic evil laughter.  Then he turns and bolts for the getaway car.

Max:  Right!  Max closes the window and turns to us.

Max:  Okay everybody back to work.

Agent 54:  (to Billy and Rambo)  Max handled that beautifully.

Rambo:  Oh, Max is the best.

Billy:  Coolest bloke I ever had for a boss.

Agent 54:  So, how’s the joker working here if he got 3to 5?

Rambo:  I dunno.  Maybe he got time off for hilarious behavior.

Billy Idol

Billy:  I don’t see Gadget.  Maybe he’s in the Ladie’s loo making sure everyone flushed and flushed only once.

Rambo:  Gadget, I hate small time cops who think they’re Dick Tracey.

Billy:  Take it easy Rambo.  Gadget is harmless.

Rambo:  Oh, I wouldn’t do anything unless he drew first blood.

Agent 54:  First Blood!  He can barely draw a paycheck.

We all chuckle at my wittiness. 

My Job as a Super Snooper

NSA Annual Company Picnic

New Year's Party at the NSA

NSA Petting Zoo