Sunday, January 19, 2014
NSA Petting Zoo
Agent 54 here again. Well, I was in my cubicle at the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) when a group of VIPs were being given a tour of the building. Because my cubicle is the first one they see, being right at the end of the hallway, the tour groups always pause right there and the person leading the groups always gives a brief description of us Listener/Readers. This always makes me feel like an animal on display at the zoo.
The other day it was even worse as some of the ladies in the group must have thought of it as a “petting zoo”. I was just sitting there when one of them started rubbing my bald head. She was petting me like a donkey or something. Well, I don’t like to cause a big stink at work so, I just went with it and when the other lady started hand feeding me Doritos well, I figured “this isn’t so bad, let’s just go with it”.
It was the third lady that took it to extremes. When I think about it now I have to wonder why she was walking in a tour of a high security building, dressed in a business suit, with an open can of sardines? However at the time she started dangling the sardines in front of me, well, I couldn’t help myself. You know how much I love sardines, so who can blame me for clapping my flippers and barking like Harbor Seal? Those sardines were delicious!
Next thing I know, Inspector Gadget is staring at me with that look of extreme disapproval on his face. I felt like a fool but, the sardine lady still had half a can of sardines and the other lady still had some Doritos. I was trapped between a rock and a hard place.
By the time everyone left my area I had so much orange spice powder from the Doritos on my face I looked like one of The Joker’s henchmen. I also had the breath of a gluttonous Sea Lion.
I don’t know why this happened but, I feel like I was set up. I don’t know what Gadget is going to put in his report. This whole episode gives me pause to ask a lot of questions like: Is someone at the NSA trying to get rid of me? Why would anyone do that? Does someone think I’m underfed? Why would anyone think that? Who walks around with an open can of sardines all day long?
If you know the answers to any of these questions please type them in the comments boxes. Without your help I may never figure what really happened that day at the NSA Petting Zoo.