Agent 54 is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. Agent 54 works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. Agent 54 reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Batman The Moron
here again. You may have heard about the
cyber-attacks the NSA has endured recently.
Well, with no new info coming in I decided to tell you my plans for
making a block-buster movie. It’s kinda
a Halloweenish thing with people wearing costumes and such. Read this and tell me what you think of Batman The Moron.
Scene: A hot summer day in a crowded inner
city. At a city bus stop four people sit
on the bench. Two of them are men in
questionable shape wearing poorly fitted costumes with capes and masks. One is constantly texting on his Bat-cell
phone. A large woman with two bags of
groceries and a heavy purse stands at the end of the bench and gives the men on
the bench dirty looks as they argue.
(played by Gilbert Gottfried) That is
definitely the last time I ever let you drive the Batmobile. What the heck was I thinking? Letting you, Robin, drive the Batmobile. Oy Vey!
(played by Bobcat Goldthwait) It wasn’t
my fault! That barfwagon ran the stop
Batman: Yeah, that lunch truck runs that stop sign
every single day and you would know that by now if you weren’t always playing
video games and texting when I’m driving.
Robin: Blah, blah, blah
Batman: Alfred said it’s gonna take two whole weeks
to fix the Batmobile so, I hope you like taking mass transit when we pursue the
Joker and the Penguin.
Robin: It’s not so bad. You’re such a grumpy grouch. You should look on the bright side.
Batman: What bright side?
Robin: (10 second pause) Well, I dunno, the bright side!
Batman: You’re an idiot. My partner is an idiot. (mumbling to himself
now) I’ve got an idiot for a partner.
How did this happen? Why me?
pulls up and the Dynamic Duo get in line to board with the other sweaty
passengers. As they step into the bus,
Batman reaches into his Bat-coin purse (made from very nice green paisley
pattered nylon-cotton blend fabric) located on his Bat-utility belt and pulls
out 4 bus tokens.
Scene: The Batmancave looks a lot like a two bedroom
apartment occupied couple of college kids.
Several pizza delivery boxes are scattered around along with many empty
containers of Red Bull and Dr. Pepper.
Half eaten Slim Jims and bags of chips and pretzels can easily be found
almost anywhere. In one corner of the
living room Batman is working on his Bat-desktop computer. In the middle of the room Robin is sitting on
the floor, leaning against the couch with his legs under the coffee table,
playing his Bat-Xbox.
Batman: I don’t suppose I could ask you to clean The
Batmancave up a little while I figure out how we’re going to pay for the
repairs on the Batmobile?
Robin: (without moving a muscle) Yeah, sure, in a minute.
Bat-phone rings. Robin doesn’t even flinch.
get it! It might be Commissioner
rushes to the kitchen where the Bat-phone is located. He steps on a Bat-pizza box and slides and
nearly falls but, does manage to answer the phone.
Whine here. Oh, high. Yes I did.
I did!. It’s in the mail. It
Robin: (without moving a muscle) Was that the Bat-Ex-wife again?
Batman: None of your business!
returns to the Bat-desktop computer.
Batman: I’m gonna have to take that job Mr. Smith
offered me at the Home Depot so we can pay these bills. Did you hear about that job at Food City yet?
Robin: (focused like a 20th degree ninja
on his Bat-Xbox game) Nope.
up an envelope from the Bat-computer desk and tosses it at Robin hitting him in
the head. Robin never moves and the
envelope bounces off his head onto the stained and worn out couch.
Batman: (singing kinda) Mail call for Dick Greasegun.
Robin: Mail, for me?
quickness of a mongoose, Robin drops the Bat-Xbox control and jumps up onto the
couch. Exhibiting the dexterity of a
spider monkey, Robin opens the envelope.
Robin: (very excited) Holy
Guacamole! It’s a check! It’s a settlement check for $25,000 from when
I hurt my neck in that fight last year with the Joker and his men. $25,000 we’re rich!
Batman: Lemme see that. It is
a check. Now we can get the car fixed,
we can get costumes that fit. We can pay
the back child support we owe.
Robin: Hey, what’s this we stuff. It’s my check.
Batman: Oh no you don’t. We’re partners 55-50.
Robin: Oh yeah, well if we’re partners, then I want
the Bat, the Robinmobile tricked out a little bit more.
Batman: Whadda ya mean?
Robin: I want that thing to bounce like them
low-riders we seen downtown and I want a little dog in the back with a head
that goes up and down like this and ….
Agent 54 here again. That’s all I want to show you right now until
after I get an offer for the rights to the screenplay. This could be the one. The big break I need to take my rightful
place alongside the greats like Spielberg, Lucas, DeMille and Mel Brooks. What do you think?