Thursday, February 5, 2015
Agent 54 here again. What can I say, I’m a hopeless romantic. It makes me happy to see love in the air. When two nice young people get together it gives me hope for the future. With our newest technology at the NSA I’m able to listen in and see both sides of conversations concerning love. Recently Kim Kardashian called Jethro Bodine for a date. What a cute couple they will make. We pick it up at the Clampett mansion in Beverly Hills.
Jethro: (on the phone) Well, okay then, I’ll be pickin yall up in the truck in just a little while, bye. Click, Jethro hangs up the phone.
Jethro: Hot dog! Uncle Jed, I done got me a date with a Kardashian.
Jed: That’s sounds a might good there Jethro, uh what’s a Kardashian?
Ellie Mae (entering the room) Pa, theys some of the purdiest girls in Californ-i-a.
Jethro: That’s right Uncle Jed and I got a date with the purdiest one. I gotta get goin.
Granny: Not so fast Jethro, me and my shotgun is a comin too. You need chaperonin on a first date.
Jethro: Granny, I don’t need no chaperonin. Uncle Jed, tell Granny she cain’t go.
Jed: Now Jethro, family tradition says ya gotta have a chaperone and Granny is the best choice.
Granny: That’s right so git in the truck and don’t give me no lip, boy.
Jethro: Aw shucks!
Jethro and Granny head out the door. Meanwhile at the Kardashian residence…
Khloe: Kim who was that on the phone?
Kim: Jethro Bodine.
Kim: He didn’t, I called him and we’re going out on a date. He’s takin me to that new Sushi and Meditation place on Wilshire call the Sea-Med Pond.
Kourtney: (entering the room) Did I hear Jethro Bodine?
Kim: Yeah, he’s on his way over now.
Kourtney: How do you know him?
Kim: I don’t, not yet. Your baby daddy Scott gave me his number and said he was tall and handsome and rich and he has a grade 6 education.
Khloe: Whadda ya mean grade 6 education?
Kim: I don’t know. I guess it’s like eggs. Grade A are better than Grade B and so on so with education grade 6 is better than grade 5 so I thought that meant that Jethro is a good egg.
The girls all giggle as Scott comes into the room.
Scott: Good morning girls. What’s so funny.
Kourtney: Scott, why did you give Kim, Jethro Bodine’s number? Now they’re going on a date.
Scott chokes and spits out his orange juice.
Scott: (still recovering ) Kim, you called him?
Kim: Yeah, you said he was a good guy. He’s coming over right now in his truck. I hope it’s an (Cadillac) Escalade. I don’t really like the (Lincoln) Navigators.
Scott: (chuckling as he leaves the room) Oh yeah, you and Jethro make a cute couple.
Bang! The sound of a truck backfiring startles the girls.
Kim: That’s him!
Khloe: I hope he didn’t shoot somebody.
The girls run to the door with Kim in the lead. Kim opens the door and steps out as the other two wait in the doorway.
Jethro: Howdy Kim, Granny said yall Californ-i-a girls are Gold Diggers. We got shovels and pick axes and everything on the truck. We’s a fixin to go to Uncle Jed’s gold mine to work up an appetite gold digging before we eats. Yall ready to go?
Kim: Eeewww you mean digging in the dirt? And that truck ain’t no Escalade. I’m not goin anywhere in that pile of crap. Eeewww!
Kim runs back into the house and slams the door behind her.
Kim: Kourtney, where’s my phone, what’s the number for 9-1-1?
Back outside, Jethro is confused.
Jethro: Well, whadda I do now, Granny?
Granny: Don’t worry boy, she’s just playin possum. Give her 10 minutes and she’ll be back out here with her overalls on, her own shovel in her hands, just a rarin to go gold diggin with ya.
I’m sure we all wish this nice young couple good luck. Ain’t love grand!