
Scene: Inside a spacious and well-appointed
condo located at 1837 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles, Ca. There is a fully stocked bar with a bartender
and there is cocktail party going on.
Thurston
Howell III: (to the bartender) Let me have another, my good man.
Lovey
Howell: Slow down Thurston. You know how those Bourbons effect you.
Mr.
Howell: Yes I do and that’s why I want
another.
Gilligan is
tapping on his Pomegranate Martini glass with a spoon.
Gilligan: Hi everybody, I just wanted to welcome you
and say thanks for coming to our One year anniversary of getting off that
stupid island party.
Skipper: A toast!
To our first year of freedom, and to many more!
Everyone
drinks. Suddenly, the lights go
out. There is a hush in the room and
then the flash of a lightning bolt followed by the crackle of thunder followed
by the sound of a gunshot and a scream then the howl of a wolf, the sound tires
squealing and a car crash, Big Ben chimes, someone bangs a gong, an owl hoots.
(Commercial break) scene: close-up as a man appears to be riding a
horse on the beach but, as the camera backs up, you see he’s really a Centaur. Centaur: Believe in your Smellf with Old Spice.
Scene: When we come
back to Gilligan’s condo the lights are on, there is a chalk outline of a body
on the living room floor and there are two LA police officers and one police Lieutenant
wearing a trench coat and smoking a cigar.
Lieutenant
Columbo: Hey, uh Ladies and Gentlemen
I’m Lieutenant Columbo of the LA police Homicide department we have to ask you
some questions so don’t anybody try to leave until we’re done here.
Lieutenant
Columbo: Questions pertaining to a homicide
investigation.
Ginger: Homicide!
Oh no, not when I was just restarting my career.
Mary
Ann: Homicide? Here?
That means there’s a murderer among us. (she and Ginger start to cry)
Lieutenant
Columbo: Now take it easy everybody,
you’re in no danger now that the police are here.
Officer
Murray: (calling out from the main bedroom)
Lieutenant Columbo you better come here and see this.
Lieutenant
Columbo: Coming Officer Murphy.
Officer
Murray: It’s Murray sir.
Lieutenant
Columbo: Murray, yeah, okay what the
heck is all this.
Officer
Murray: It’s a drawer full of ladies
underwear.
Gilligan: Hey!
Those are my underwear, get out of there.
Lieutenant
Columbo: Very interesting. Mr. Gilligan, why do you have a drawer full
of ladies underwear?
Gilligan: I told you those are my underwear. I started wearing them on the set when I had
to dress as a woman and I liked it.
They’re comfortable and they don’t chafe me.
Lieutenant Columbo: Weird!
Gilligan: Wearing ladies underwear doesn’t make me a killer.
Lieutenant
Columbo: No, no it doesn’t. It makes you a Weirdo!
Officer
Murphy: (calling from the computer desk
in the living room) Lieutenant Columbo you better come here and see this.
Lieutenant
Columbo: Coming Officer Murray.
Officer
Murphy: It’s Murphy sir.
Lieutenant
Columbo: Yeah, whatever. Whatcha got?
Officer
Murphy: Unopened mail for Mr. Gilligan
at address 1837 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles, Ca.
Lieutenant
Columbo: Yeah so?
Lieutenant
Columbo: Uh, oh. Uh, Mr. Gilligan uh, thank you for your
cooperation. (to Officer Murray) Murphy,
pick up that chalk outline and let’s get our asses over to the right building.
Gilligan: You knuckleheads are at the wrong condo!
All the
party guests laugh and sigh a sigh of relief that nobody there is a murderer.
(Commercial break) scene: A football player wearing orange number 83 is
in his locker room enjoying the smell of his Old Spice deodorant but, as the
camera pulls away you discover that he’s really in a snow globe on a dollar
store shelf.
Whistler: (whistles the Old Spice jingle) A Kicker kicks a stick of deodorant through
the uprights.
Scene: Skipper and
Gilligan are at the bar.
Skipper: Well, that was a close one there, little
buddy.
Gilligan: Whatda ya mean? You didn’t really think someone here was a
killer, did you?
Skipper: All I know is that after I saw all that
ladies underwear, I didn’t know what to think.
Gilligan: Gee thanks!
After I’ve been your little buddy for all these years. Boy, a
guy tries to make himself a little more comfortable and people think
he’s some kinda whacko psycho killer or something.
Suddenly, the lights go out. There is a hush in the room and then the
flash of a lightning bolt followed by the crackle of thunder followed by the sound
of a gunshot and a scream….
Bwahahahahahahahaha. I never imagined Columbo involved with Gilligan. Good one.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
Columbo is great.
DeleteThank you, have a great week.
Heeheehee! Columbo was great, and the cast-aways were always good for a giggle.
ReplyDeletePeter Falk was a great actor.
DeleteThanks for visiting. Have a giggly week!
Pomegranate martini and women's underwear? Gilligan was hit on the head one too many times :)
ReplyDeleteI must admit, I drank a Pomegranate Martini once.
DeleteThanks for visiting.
Watch the old shows I loved, they seem so basic now. Thanks for sharing with #CCBG
ReplyDeleteThank you for playing.
DeleteHaha! Never saw Gilligan, but I loved Columbo when I was a kid!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry - realised that comments I have tried to do from my phone do not appear to have actually, well, appeared! So sorry again if you now have two similar comments!
Thanks so much for joining us for #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time.
Thank you for reading, laughing and commenting.
DeleteAgent 54- Gilligan as a psycho killer. That takes an over active imagination. I love how you threw Lt. Columbo into the mix. I do enjoy the trip back into time to revisit all of my favorite old tv shows. Did you ever watch Speed Racer? I would love to see what you could do with him.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember watching Speed Racer but, I could do some internet research.
DeleteThanks for the suggestion.
Ha! Now I want a Pomegranate Martini too!
ReplyDeleteThey are tasty.
DeleteThanks for playing.