Sunday, June 28, 2015

Ron Burgundy in St. Louis

  Agent 54 here again.  Well, Ron Burgundy has conceded the Presidential race.  It was a great race for Ron.  Let's take a look back at the fun we had on the campaign trail.

  Today we spied on the Ron Burgundy Presidential Campaign as they attended the National Junk Convention at the America’s Center in St. Louis Missouri.  Here’s my report:

  Candidate Ron Burgundy has spoken and the crowd loved his speech and his hair which was a work of art.  The  Campaign bus is parked in front of the Center and volunteers Maureen, John (who looks great in a straw hat and a St. Louis Cardinals jersey) Joe and Tim passing out Burgundy campaign fliers and buttons.  Candidate Ron Burgundy walks out of the America’s Center with Campaign Chairman The Only Wendy Shade and Finance Director/Spiritual Advisor Howard by his side along with a few potential Burgundy voters.  We pick up the conversation as they walk to the bus.

Ron:   ….and that’ why I want no child left behind without milk.

Elder Potential Voter:  What if they’re lactose intolerant?

Ron:  In my vision for America there will be no tolerance for the intolerant.

Elder Potential Voter:  What?  (Campaign Chairman The Only Wendy Shade pulls the elder potential voter aside and tries to quietly explain what Ron meant [whatever that was]).

Ron:  Wow wee, I sure am getting hungry.  Guess it’s time to head to the bus and chow down before we set off for Topeka.

Finance Director/Spiritual Advisor Howard:  Ron, we’re heading for Kansas City next.

Ron:  Right! I can’t wait to be back in Mississippi.

Howard:  Uh, okay.

An older gentleman in a gray pinstripe suit with a neat black bow tie waddles up to Ron and the others as they reach the campaign bus.

Fred Sanford:  (calling out) Mr. Burgundy, Mr. Burgundy I got to talk to you, hold on, Mr. Burgundy.

Ron:  Yes, what is it citizen, wait!  I saw you inside.  You were up front for my speech but, you didn’t clap.

Fred:  I’m sorry Mr. Burgundy but, it’s my Arthor-itis  (Fred shows him his “crippled” hand)

Ron:  I see, call me Ron.  What can I do for you and your Arthor-itis?

Fred:  Well, Ron, My name is Fred G. Sanford, the G. stands for Government. I want to talk to you about junk.

Ron:  Oh, no thanks we have lots of junk on the bus.  In fact you are welcome to come on the bus and take some of our junk.

Fred:  No, no sir what I mean is that when you’re President of the United States of America, you’re going to need someone with a lot of experience to take care of, to organize and sell America’s junk.   I’ve been in junk all my life. I got junk in my head.  I got junk in my heart.  I got junk in my trunk.

Ron:  I see, you’re like a coinsure of junk.

Fred:  Yeah, what?  Yeah okay.  Let me get my son Lamont over here to tell you more about my El Segundo Junk Empire. (at Lamont)  Hey Dummy git over here.  I want you to meet someone.

Lamont walks over and Fred introduces him.

Fred:  Lamont this is the Next President of the USA Ron Burgundy.   Ron, this is my son Lamont.   (they shake hands)

Ron:  Nice to meet you,  Lamond.

Lamont:  It’s Lamont, hey ain’t you the dude who hangs out with smelly Pirate hookers?

Fred shoves Lamont out of the way and clutches his heart.

Fred:  (at Lamont) Get the hell out of here you big dummy.  (looking skyward) Oh Elizabeth honey, I’m comin to join ya,,,, with a campaign bus parked on top of me.

Ron:  Calm down now Fred, take it easy (campaign volunteers come to Fred’s aid)

Ron:  I’ve been thinking about what you’ve said and I’d like to explore the possibilities. (to a volunteer) Maureen, would you get Fred’s contact info so we can discuss the future position of Senior Junk Adviser to the President.

Fred:  Wow! You really mean it Ron, uh I mean Mr. President!

Ron:  We’ll call you.  Holy cow, I’m hungry as hell now.  (Ron goes into the bus).

Fred:  (daydreaming) Imagine, me, Senior Junk Adviser to the President of the United States of America.

Maureen:  Sir can I get your address?

Fred:  Or maybe Secretary of Junk.

Maureen:  Sir?

Fred:  Or Junk Czar.

Maureen:  Sir?

Fred:  Or Junk Master General,  Ahhhh.

 Wow! Ron is already off to a great start recruiting America’s best talent for his cabinet.  I just hope the rest of his choices will be as good as his pick for Junk Master General.


  1. Bwahahahahahahahaha. I loved that show. A lot. I love how you put this together.

    Have a fabulous Silly Sunday. ☺

  2. Thank you. Redd Foxx was great.

    Have a terrific week.

  3. Heeheehee! He couldn't have picked a better junk yard owner!

    1. I'm sure Fred will do a fine job.

      Have a shiny week.

  4. Clever! Thank you for sharing at Party In Your PJ's.