Secret Democrat Debate

  

 

Dirty DWS

Agent 54 here again.  You probably thought that the Democrats weren’t going to hold any more debates until after they held their coronation for Hillary Clinton.  How wrong you were.  My NSA under the DORD recorded the Secret Democrat Presidential debate.  Here’s my report.

Scene:  Sound stage at Cable Ass Network’s Secret location with 4 podiums set up but only 3 candidates are behind them.  The Debate Monitor, Blitzed Wolfer sits at a desk facing the candidates.  The only audience allowed are campaign staffers and security personnel.

Blitzed Wolfer:  Welcome everyone to CAN’s Secret location for the 2016 Democrat Presidential Debate.

Staffers & Security:  Mild applause.

Martin O'Malley

Blitzed Wolfer:  On stage we have former Governor Martin O’Malley (mild applause), Senator Bernie Sanders (mild applause), Vice President Joe Biden (mild applause) and Hillary Clinton (the very loud sound of recorded cheers from college football game blasts the studio).

Bernie Sanders:  What the hell was that BS?

Martin O’Malley:  Yeah! Why the loud cheers for Hillary and not us?

Hillary Clinton:  (in a southern drawl) I didn’t hear nothin.

Blitzed Wolfer:  Where’s the Vice President?

Hillary Clinton:  (in a southern drawl) Oh, you know ole Dopey Joe.  He always a day late and dollar short.

Blitzed Wolfer:  Well, we can’t wait for him.  Let’s get started with our first question for Candidate Bernie Sanders.  Senator, why the heck are you running against Hillary?

Bernie Sanders:  What the hell kinda BS question is that?  I gotta right to run like every other PC Commie Pinko Meathead in America.

Blitzed Wolfer:  Thank you Senator.  Now Governor O’Malley, are you out of your mind?

Martin O’Malley:  Say, what’s going on here?  Are you working for Hillary Clinton’s Foundation or what?

Blitzed Wolfer:  Thank you Governor.  Now Mrs. Clinton, with your vast experience, intelligence, charm and overall talent, how do you think you will benefit every single American best?

Before Hillary can answer, Dopey Joe Biden burst through a side door and trips up the three stairs but, finally makes it to his podium.

Joe Biden:  I’m here teacher.

Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton:  (screeching)  You’re late!

Joe Biden:  I’m sorry but, I fell asleep at another of those boring National Security briefings we have every stupid day.  OMG!

Blitzed Wolfer:  I’ve been told by my staff that, Mr. Vice President you did not pay the full million dollar entrance fee.  It says here you only paid $999.999.00.

Hillary Clinton:  (in a southern drawl) Whadda I tell ya.

Al Gore

Joe Biden:  I found a Nickel on the way in.

Blitzed Wolfer:  Well, that’s not good enough.  I’m afraid you’ll have to stay and participate in the rest of the debate.

Joe Biden:  Darn!

Martin O’Malley:  What gives here?  I thought we would all be treated equally here tonight?

Hillary Clinton:  (sternly but, with a southern drawl) Quit you’re whinin!  You got ta answer uh question.

Bernie Sanders:  (to Hillary) What’s up with that phony Southern accent?  You’re about as Southern as I am.

  The lights suddenly go out and there’s the sounds of a lot of commotion for 10 seconds.  When the lights come back on, Bernie Sanders is gone and at his spot behind the podium is a polar bear.  Everyone including the polar bear turns and stares at Hillary Clinton.

Hillary Clinton:  What!  I didn’t do it. It must be that Vast Right Wing Conspiracy again.

  The polar bear pops his head off to reveal a very sweaty Al Gore.

Al Gore:  Hi everyone.  Boy this Global Warming is really getting bad.  I’m sweating up a storm.

Martin O’Malley:  I guess you would be, in a 50 pound polar bear suit.  Why are you wearing that?

Al Gore:  It’s comfortable.

Blitzed Wolfer:  Welcome Mr. Vice President Gore.  As long as you’re here, I may as well ask you a debate question too.  Tell us, why do you think Hillary Clinton would be a great President?

Martin O’Malley:  I thought this was going to be a real debate.  Why has no one asked Hillary Clinton about her Top Secret emails?

The whole room collectively gasps.

Special Agent Gracie Hart

  In a flash, 25 FBI agents burst through several doors and surround Hillary Clinton on the stage.  Special Agent Gracie Hart puts Hillary in handcuffs.

Special Agent Gracie Hart:  Mrs. Clinton, the FBI would like to ask you about your classified emails.

Hillary Clinton:  (starting to force a tear)  But, my mother had it so hard…..

Wow! That was wild and crazy but, at least it had a happy ending.

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