Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Secret Debate

  
Agent 54 here again.  You probably thought that the Democrats didn’t hold any real debates in 2016 and just crowned Hillary Clinton their nominee.  How wrong you were.  My NSA under the DORD recorded the Secret Democrat Presidential debate.  Here’s my report.

Scene:  Sound stage at Cable Ass Network’s Secret location with 4 podiums set up but only 3 candidates are behind them.  The Debate Monitor, Blitzed Wolfer sits at a desk facing the candidates.  The only audience allowed are campaign staffers and security personnel.

Blitzed Wolfer:  Welcome everyone to CAN’s Secret location for the 2016 Democrat Presidential Debate.

Staffers & Security:  Mild applause.

Martin O'Malley
Blitzed Wolfer:  On stage we have former Governor Martin O’Malley (mild applause), Senator Bernie Sanders (mild applause), Vice President Joe Biden (mild applause) and Hillary Clinton (the very loud sound of recorded cheers from college football game blasts the studio).

Bernie Sanders:  What the hell was that BS?

Martin O’Malley:  Yeah! Why the loud cheers for Hillary and not us?

Hillary Clinton:  (in a southern drawl) I didn’t hear nothin.

Blitzed Wolfer:  Where’s the Vice President?

Hillary Clinton:  (in a southern drawl) Oh, you know ole Dopey Joe.  He always a day late and dollar short.

Blitzed Wolfer:  Well, we can’t wait for him.  Let’s get started with our first question for Candidate Bernie Sanders.  Senator, why the heck are you running against Hillary?

Bernie Sanders:  What the hell kinda BS question is that?  I gotta right to run like every other PC Commie Pinko Meathead in America.

Blitzed Wolfer:  Thank you Senator.  Now Governor O’Malley, are you out of your mind?

Martin O’Malley:  Say, what’s going on here?  Are you working for Hillary Clinton’s Foundation or what?

Blitzed Wolfer:  Thank you Governor.  Now Mrs. Clinton, with your vast experience, intelligence, charm and overall talent, how do you think you will benefit every single American best?

Before Hillary can answer, Dopey Joe Biden burst through a side door and trips up the three stairs but, finally makes it to his podium.

Joe Biden:  I’m here teacher.

Hillary Clinton:  (screeching)  You’re late!

Joe Biden:  I’m sorry but, I fell asleep at another of those boring National Security briefings we have every stupid day.  OMG!

Blitzed Wolfer:  I’ve been told by my staff that, Mr. Vice President you did not pay the full million dollar entrance fee.  It says here you only paid $999.999.00.

Hillary Clinton:  (in a southern drawl) Whadda I tell ya.
Al Gore

Joe Biden:  I found a Nickel on the way in.

Blitzed Wolfer:  Well, that’s not good enough.  I’m afraid you’ll have to stay and participate in the rest of the debate.

Joe Biden:  Darn!

Martin O’Malley:  What gives here?  I thought we would all be treated equally here tonight?

Hillary Clinton:  (sternly but, with a southern drawl) Quit you’re whinin!  You got ta answer uh question.

Bernie Sanders:  (to Hillary) What’s up with that phony Southern accent?  You’re about as Southern as I am.

  The lights suddenly go out and there’s the sounds of a lot of commotion for 10 seconds.  When the lights come back on, Bernie Sanders is gone and at his spot behind the podium is a polar bear.  Everyone including the polar bear turns and stares at Hillary Clinton.

Hillary Clinton:  What!  I didn’t do it. It must be that Vast Right Wing Conspiracy again.

  The polar bear pops his head off to reveal a very sweaty Al Gore.

Al Gore:  Hi everyone.  Boy this Global Warming is really getting bad.  I’m sweating up a storm.

Martin O’Malley:  I guess you would be, in a 50 pound polar bear suit.  Why are you wearing that?

Al Gore:  It’s comfortable.

Blitzed Wolfer:  Welcome Mr. Vice President Gore.  As long as you’re here, I may as well ask you a debate question too.  Tell us, why do you think Hillary Clinton would be a great President?

Martin O’Malley:  I thought this was going to be a real debate.  Why has no one asked Hillary Clinton about her Top Secret emails?

The whole room collectively gasps.

Special Agent Gracie Hart
  In a flash, 25 FBI agents burst through several doors and surround Hillary Clinton on the stage.  Special Agent Gracie Hart puts Hillary in handcuffs.

Special Agent Gracie Hart:  Mrs. Clinton, the FBI would like to ask you about your classified emails.

Hillary Clinton:  (starting to force a tear)  But, my mother had it so hard…..


Wow! That was wild and crazy but, at least it had a happy ending.
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36 comments:

  1. SandeeSeptember 23, 2015 at 9:03 AM

    Most people just don't like Hillary. Good grief she was second place in 2008. We want second place? No.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54September 23, 2015 at 9:12 AM

      At this point Hillary is more likely to go to "the big house" than The White House.

      Thanks for your support.

      Delete
    2. UnknownJanuary 15, 2016 at 6:50 PM

      Hahaha haha haha haha Trump🔁Clinton. Who would make the most effective president?

      Delete
    3. Agent 54January 16, 2016 at 6:49 AM

      Well, if Hillary is governing from jail, at least we can keep an eye on her 24-7.

      Thanks for playing.

      Delete
  2. AnonymousSeptember 23, 2015 at 5:58 PM

    This is Great! A laugh a minute, thanks Bro. Sgt Lion USMC

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54September 23, 2015 at 6:18 PM

      Thanks for playing. Please come back early and often.

      Delete
  3. Stephanie FarisSeptember 25, 2015 at 11:30 AM

    I'm not looking forward to the upcoming Presidential campaign mess...but your blog might make it easier to bear!

    ReplyDelete
  4. kathyetSeptember 27, 2015 at 7:23 AM

    LOL Great read thanks for sharing!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54September 27, 2015 at 8:15 AM

      My pleasure. Please come back early and often.

      Delete
  5. stevebethereSeptember 27, 2015 at 9:01 AM

    LMAO as usual you had me laughin me head off again ..poor Hilary ..."coughs"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54September 27, 2015 at 9:21 AM

      Thanks. Poor ole Multi-Millionaire One-Percenter Hillary.

      Delete
  6. TrixieNovel67September 29, 2015 at 6:01 PM

    Thanks for the invite. I enjoyed the excerise. I needed a good belly laugh. Lol

    ReplyDelete
  7. barcrrtSeptember 30, 2015 at 6:45 PM

    Glad to be here. Thank you for the invite. Impeach the bastard!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54September 30, 2015 at 7:13 PM

      Yes we should!

      Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
    2. UnknownNovember 8, 2015 at 1:40 PM

      The goal is to split both parties into 5 different factions. Hopefully the Nazi party will not gain too much power before the WAR starts. I think impeachment will only slow down the split. The only thing that would help is to prosecute bad cops to end the "war on cops," which is really a war on RACE.

      Delete
    3. Agent 54September 10, 2016 at 5:12 AM

      We need change in this country. Our corrupt Government and Media are killing America.

      Delete
  8. UnknownNovember 8, 2015 at 1:37 PM

    Glad to see VP Joe Biden made it to the debate. A little bird (Spaceman), who was close to Hillary told me that nothing will happen to her. A different bird told me it would be impossible to put her in handcuffs anyway because she's probably just a hologram. Maybe we should just eat her; she probably tastes good with all that artificial flavoring! As for Blitzed Wolfer, you can follow him directly on Twitter @schlichting1103

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54November 8, 2015 at 2:07 PM

      If we have to use Holographic handcuffs for Hillary then, beam me up Scotty!

      Delete
  9. JoeJanuary 18, 2016 at 7:45 AM

    This is a perfect example of why there are no right-wing comedians. They just don't understand humour.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54January 18, 2016 at 5:31 PM

      Thank you, thank you very much.

      Please come back early and often.

      Delete
  10. Sarah Eliza @ devastateboredomJanuary 21, 2016 at 12:57 PM

    Ahahahaha your "Hilary Clinton's coronation" line had me laughing out loud. ;P So glad you linked up at Friday Frivolity and looking forward to getting to know you better!! Pinning and tweeting your post...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54January 21, 2016 at 7:06 PM

      You are too kind. Love to make people laugh.

      Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  11. UnknownAugust 9, 2016 at 4:00 PM

    This year the elections are not a happy subject. We need change, not to put someone into office that will land us into hot water. Where are the JFK's and the Ronald Reagan's of this generation? Answer that Blitzed Wolfer!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Agent 54August 13, 2016 at 3:59 PM

    Yes indeed. Trying to make fun of it is difficult because it is so messed up.

    I probably won't touch the subject again until well after the election. Thanks for your thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  13. UnknownAugust 16, 2016 at 8:16 PM

    lmao

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54August 16, 2016 at 9:20 PM

      Happy to make you laugh.

      Please come back early and often.

      Delete
  14. Cascia TalbertOctober 5, 2016 at 11:10 AM

    Hillary for Prison 2016. Great post! Thanks for sharing on Wordless Wednesday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54October 5, 2016 at 7:13 PM

      We can only hope.

      Thanks for visiting and commenting.

      Delete
  15. Susan LeightonOctober 16, 2016 at 9:48 AM

    Your debate would have been definitely more entertaining than the real thing. I would live to see your take on the current wastes of time!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54October 16, 2016 at 6:45 PM

      Oh yes, this was the best debate by far.

      Thanks again.

      Delete
  16. janiceJanuary 9, 2017 at 12:23 AM

    Thank you for coming to the Blogger's Pit Stop on Thursday!

    Janice, Pit Stop Crew

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent 54January 9, 2017 at 6:07 AM

      I appreciate the opportunity to share my silliness.

      Thank you.

      Delete
  17. SandeeApril 3, 2019 at 3:07 PM

    Thank for joining the Awww Mondays Blog Hop. This is still a great post. 😎

    ReplyDelete

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